Speaking ill of your ex.

When your partner asks you a question about one of your ex's that would require you to speak ill of the ex if you were to be fully open or truthful. Would you gloss over with a short generalised true statement or provide your new partner the full info about the ex?

Such as if they ask why it didn't work between you and your ex. Would you say something like

"We just weren't right for each other" with maybe a little "She kept hiding what she was really feeling from me"

or would you let it all rip with things like

"She was a lying alcoholic who would lie about drinking all the time. She'd be angry at me for something and not say what it was even when I'd ask her repeatedly, but she'd yell at me for something completely different and irrational. Because this would often boil over when she was drunk she would forget she's already yelled at me, still feels angry and starts the same argument all over again, later that night, and the next night, and the next. Then in the morning she'd have no idea of the emotional upheaval she put me through the night before and she'd be upset because I wasn't in a good mood. Because she'd lie about drinking and was good at hiding it, I'd hardly ever know if the fight the night before was just alcohol induced rage or something she actually felt strongly about."

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Depends on where I'm at in the new relationship. If we just started dating, I'm going to minimize things. I don't want to come off as someone who just talks shit about the ex because that makes people wonder if you'll do the same thing about them if things don't work out. Plus, if I really let a new person know just how crazy my ex is, they'll probably have doubts about my judgment and character for having been with him.

    However, if we've been together long enough for the new person to really have a strong grip on who I am and how I relate to people (family, friends, etc), I'd let it all out.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I would tell the truth with the details. I think that's important to avoid similar mistakes in the current relationship. Also, because there is such a thing as lying by omission. I expect open and honest answers from my partner and I honor them by giving them the same in return.

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  • I would not recommend saying bad things about the ex. I remember a guy I liked telling another guy I was friends with that his first girlfriend tried to have sex with him before marriage and that this was his reason for dumping her (he was EXTREMELY religious) - and the guy I was friends with shared this with me. I thought the guy I liked was a jerk for telling people about her because he was speaking evil of somebody who had fallen in love with him. After that I also thought my friend was a bad person because he made a guy I liked appear bad to me (back then I wasn't exposed to any really evil people etc...) I probably would not be that pick know.

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  • I would just flat out tell my boyfriend. Mine are simple. One cheated on me and the other was just a rush relationship that lasted two days. He's told me about mine, I would give him the same respect.

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