What do you think of men and women who leave their marriages because they are unhappy?

As in, there partners haven't done anything wrong. (they haven't been neglectful, abusive, dismissive, with holding sex, lack of intimacy, est) They simply don't want to be married anymore. They don't enjoy constantly being around the other person, or having to answer to them. They want to date other people and live their life the way that they want to.

What is your opinion of this? Do you think people like this should stay in a marriage?

Updates:
I'm not married you all, I'm just asking lol

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Only can a person talk after they have been in the situation at hand. Everybody blah blah blahs talking about I would do this I would do that but let them live this situation they'll end up eating their words. People normally give advice they wouldn't take themselves so be careful what you let get to you. I don't think it's selfish. I apologize for sounding juvenile but YOLO. You only live once and you are going to sacrifice your happiness so you can fit in with society's expectations of a marriage? "stick it out" "you took vows". Fuck that, shit changes. More than likely when you weren't with the right person to start. I have seen so many fucked up marriages where the woman and sometimes the man are punishing themselves for who they married by staying with them regardless of misery. It's selfish to not care about your mate and put them through your miserable face and your up to par vibe. What are you going to do? Play actress all your life by portraying a happy wife? Well that's not going to get you an Oscar. lol. I refuse to live that way! And I advice that to everyone. Be the woman/man you would want your daughter to be. If you need to talk without being judged hmu :)

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What Guys Said 14

  • I think it is incredibly selfish, and arrogant to leave a marriage because you are simply "unhappy".

    I have news, it takes two to tango. Usually it is a proud person who is unwilling to forgive hurt, or mistakes, who remains cold to their spouse until they convince themselves they are no longer "Happy". Marriage is work. Hard, sometimes miserable work. If they were not willing to do it, they should not have married. If they were not willing to invest the time, and to legitimately discover just what kind of person they were marrying, they should not have married.

    Marriage is not a cure- all for your loneliness, your aches, your pains. In fact, you are adding another human being, with aches and pains of their own to your life. Sure, the bonding is great, but bonding is not something that is happening all the time. The rest of the time is about compromise, about being humble, about forgiving your spouse of their shortcomings.

    If anyone is unwilling to do that because they are convinced they are right at all costs, well.. Perhaps marriage isn't for you. Nobody has all the answers and that includes me. But I do know that marriage is like a job, but your wages are having a life mate.

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  • I'm inclined to think those people shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. However, being only human people make mistakes. I believe that if a person has done all they could for a marriage (and that's crucial) but they are still deeply unhappy, then it is usually for the best FOR BOTH PARTIES that the person divorce. Perhaps the person leaving should seriously examine any potential new relationship before saying, "I do."

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  • It's the same as my opinion of people who say "I'm bored".

    Boring people say that.

    I think they should take look at themselves,before the blame the other person for their boredom.

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    • I love that motto too, my grandpa would tell me - "only boring people get bored"

  • I think that it's sad, but if you don't want to be in a marriage staying won't be good...however I'm the kind of person that if I make that kind of commitment I would fight to keep it...I wouldn't ask a girl to marry me lightly

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  • I would think that this person doesn't understand what a VOW is, and didn't understand the gravity of those words. Most people promise to stay together and work on their marriage together, "for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

    IMO, if you don't understand and agree to those words, you have NO BUSINESS getting married in the first place. IMO, the easy divorces we have today are a huge mistake. 50 years ago, divorce was RARELY granted except in examples of extreme circumstances - couples were expected to work it out, because vows were respected and taken seriously.

    Today, too many people approach marriage with the attitude "hey, if it doesn't work out, we'll divorce and I'll try again." That attitude is everything that is wrong with marriage today.

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  • It is the less of two evils. They are bound to leave any way . Humans aren't perfect. I think it is more important to teach people how to react to difficult times ( rejection etc ..) than how to create an ''ideal'' society.

    Marriage is like any other decision in life. Only a fool would think that marriage is, holy or sacred. Marriage is important, healthy, and could be very fulfilling. But everybody has an area of their life that isn't optimum. For some people it is health. , for some people it is friends, for some people it is abuse.. for some people it is career . For some people it is marriage.

    I think people owe their partners to try their best . But if they tried their best and they just can't feel it and are miserable, they should be honest , have courage and leave respectfully with gratitude to their partner. Making sure they minimize the hurt.

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  • It means that the person who wants to leave is being ultra selfish. That person does not know what marriage is and should not have been married in the first place.

    You can't rationalize that decision because it's completely crazy. There is nothing wrong with the relationship yet that person still wants to leave? Throw the commitment out the window?

    The reason you're asking that question is because you know it's bullshit, right? By that I mean, it sounds kinda wrong, like something isn't right. You would be correct. It is very wrong. It is not right. Now the other person is getting screwed over- put through all sorts of emotional pain and shame because one person is an asshole.

    Never been married but I see this stuff happening everywhere... I'm disgusted.

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  • Its coming t an end. they need to have some timeout from each other to work on their personal lives. seems like they rushed into marriage and now feel like there is something better out there.

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  • i think they are really smart to know exactly what they want out of life

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  • Really...? If you get bored with something, just leave it. I mean, make a few children, they get boring, just leave them, no problem. You have parents, they grow old and need help - not your cup of tea? Just leave them alone, everybody can die on his own...

    Seriously, we cannot always go by what we would like to do the most. We are all part of a society, starting with the family as smallest element, friends and relatives as the next bigger, etc. If we make a decision of such a weight as is a marriage, then we have to think it through beforehand. You can't just bail out when it gets "boring"...

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  • Well for younger people with out kids I think they can leave their partner but they should try to make it work . Just because you feel like this right now it doesn't mean the future will be the same. Some times I feel people from the western countries over think about every small thing when it comes to relationships. However if there really is no point in being with that person you should just leave .

    For the ones who have kids they should really try to make it work , I know some people who had a really painful childhood as they couldn't enjoy their childhood because their parents were divorced. Whoever the parent the kid ends up with , he might not ever again experience the "family" feeling ever again.

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  • My opinion is . . . don't get married in the first place. The whole point of marriage is that you're going to be with them for the rest of your life. I don't have a problem with someone that leaves a relationship because they are unhappy, but when it comes to marriage, they're supposed to be doing everything they can to make it work.

    I do have one problem with this question. You say that their partner hasn't been neglectful, abusive, dismissive etc. yet you then say that the person that wants out has to answer TO them. The partner is doing something wrong if they have to answer to them. Then you go on to say that they just want to live their life the way that they want too. This implies that they can't because of what their partner is doing. If I was married, and I haven't done anything wrong, then my wife would be able to do what she wants in her life. Well, except for fucking other guys, but that's because we both agreed not too once we got married. But you said, want to date other people AND live their life the way that they want too, so other people and living their life their way are to separate problems.

    While, I don't think people should be forced to stay in an unhappy marriage, but the whole point of marriage is to spend your life with that person. You are devoting each others lives to be with one another. So, if they have gotten to the point in their marriage that they are just unhappy just because they want to date other people, then they shouldn't have ever gotten married in the first place. They clearly rushed the marriage. Now, rushing a marriage has no set time. So, it depends on an individual. It is selfish to just leave because you are unhappy. If both parties are unhappy with the marriage and they've tried everything in their power to fix it, then get a divorce. If just one person is unhappy... sorry, you gave yourself to this person, and they gave themselves to you. The decision to leave the marriage should be mutual. If it's not mutual then they are selfish. One can argue that the one that wants to stay together is also selfish, but the problem with this thinking is that they both agreed to stay together for the rest of their lives, and now the one that wants out is being selfish because they are breaking what they agreed too. If, in the marriage, they agreed to stay married for 7 years (random number) and then see if they want to stay married every 5 years after until they die . . . that is one thing, but when they both agreed to getting married to each other for the rest of their lives. Then they should do everything in their power to make sure it last forever. Unless, of course, their partner is doing something wrong. If the marriage makes you unhappy and your partner didn't do anything wrong . . . then you shouldn't have ever gotten married. I do think it is for the best if they divorced, but I do have a problem with people getting married, and then leaving just because of that reason. Stay boyfriend/girlfriend nothing wrong with that!

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    • Marriage is a legal contract. If I signed a business contract, I can't just opt out just because I'm unhappy. Not without breaking the law. If marriage wasn't a legal contract, then do what you will, but it is a legal contract and unless the person is under some sort of duress. Being unhappy is not a defense for duress. I personally think that if the gov't is going to be involved in marriages (which I don't agree with in the first place) then the contract shouldn't be broken so easily.

    • Oops, I didn't finish my though. *unless the person is under some sort of duress, then they shouldn't be able to break the contract.

    • thought* - errgh!

  • Peoples feelings change & if you know in your heart you can't fix things or the way you feel for your partner then it's not fair for the other person to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with them. Set them free to be with someone who actually does want them.

    This usually happens to those who rush into their marriage w/o really knowing the other person. Which seems to be a trend lately & is one reason why the divorce rate is so high.

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  • Why should you stay in a marriage that doesn't make you happy?

    Now I should say that bailing on a marriage at the first sign of ANYTHING that isn't all happy and peachy is silly, obviously. Relationships take effort to work. Though on the flip side, the effort shouldn't feel like a full time job or pulling teeth either. If you aren't meshing with someone and you've tried to fix it, then perhaps you jumped into the relationship/marriage too quick without knowing the other person well enough. That, or you just naturally discovered things about them that you don't like and can't live with.

    But no, assuming you've tried all you can then I don't see why people should stay in a marriage just for the sake of it. Don't waste your life on that kind of "torture", it's too short and precious to have to do something like that.

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What Girls Said 8

  • I think they're immature and selfish. They don't understand the meaning or value of marriage and companionship.

    It's one thing to drift apart; it's another to just not want to be married anymore.

    I think even if you drift apart, you need to fight for your marriage. Try to rekindle the spark in your friendship and sex life. You need to work on being companions and lovers. You need to transition your relationship from friends to lovers again.

    Bring in the adventurous dates, the romance and adventurous sex. Go out on dates again, send the children away, go to couples therapy and marriage counseling. Don't just give up.

    Maybe a short separation is all it will take for a person to get their minds right. Maybe they just need time alone to figure everything out. But there should be boundaries and guidelines set--money wise, sex wise, career wise.

    Meaning, separation is not the time for a person to go out and make a large purchase. You still have your obligations to your partner and family,

    Give it time. But I think that after using all possible resources (therapy/counseling), vacations, dates, time alone w/o children and separation, then perhaps a divorce is best.

    I just think it's overall an immature outlook on marriage. This is why divorce is so common nowadays. People divorce just for shits and giggles.

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  • I think its sad. Marriages are supposed to be forever, that's the whole point to ''till death do us part''. I think we live in a throw-away society and that mindset carries into many marriages; people would rather give up then try and fix the real issues within their marriage.

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  • I think married couples have an obligation to try everything they can think of to save the relationship. Counseling, retreats -- whatever. If they can honestly say they tried everything in their power and they still aren't happy, get divorced. Nobody benefits from a miserable couple being together - especially their kids.

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  • Well, it's better than staying with a person you no longer want to be with and basically lying. Even if they don't end up leaving, they will most likely cheat, which is far worse than just admitting you are not happy with that person.

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  • I think its better than staying and cheating or having desires to cheat. Its your life not anyone elses period...but I think doing something like this hastily may leave you with regret so jusy make aure its what you really want.

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  • they are right to !

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  • I think that people who are married and they decide later on not to be together that they have simply just grown apart from each other and that their decision to no longer to be together should be respected

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  • I have always thought that if small children are involved that's really selfish but if they aren't any kids or if they are grown, then get a divorce.

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