I cut him off - Did I give up on him and us too soon?

..Where do I begin... lol... I'm seeking some guys' opinions on a situation I'm in.. Girls' too.. I had been seeing this guy for about four months ( we were intimate).. I have known him however for over 7+ years, we have pretty close knit mutual friends. We used to 'talk"/date about 4 years ago (prior to these 4 months of dating), however, we were living in different states and he ended up becoming a father and once that happened, we sort of parted ways and lost touch, but amicably. About four months ago we ran into each other and our old flame rekindled. We hadn't been intimate until this time around however, (so four months ago).. We spent a lot of time together and he seemed to be interested in progressing with me and building a friendship with me, which he insisted is the basis of a strong foundation for a healthy, working relationship... So for four motnhs I sort of went a long with this whole friendship building thing, but after s o long, I began to wonder if I am just wasting time, emotions and risking a broken heart by continuing what we had going on.. I let him know how I was feeling, gave him some time to figure things out in his mind and come to a conclusion about whether or not he wanted to commit to me, make things official. In my mind, doing this would add more security to the relationship and I'd be able to let go of my reservations about us and really open my heart to him. After he took some time, he revealed that he was scared that would not be able to commit to me 100% and that he wasn't ready for a relationship after coming out of a pretty messy relationship of four years with his child's mother.. This of course was a blow for me. Though I do understand that it's possible we're on two different pages and the timing may be wrong, I felt a bit misled, used and very hurt... I told him I would be unable to continue a friendship... He was pretty angry and claimed I was "running" and that I was impatient (four months too soon to ask for a relationship/or ask where the relationship is going? - he had already been telling me we were progressing toward that) Guys, how do you feel when a girl cuts you off in situations like these? I did it honestly because I felt emotionally threatened and I don't want to play the role of the stupid girl who keeps holding onto a guy that just isn't willing or ready to commit.. Been there , done that... But still, I'm left wondering if I am really running.. if I indeed gave up too soon or am if I am being wise... Thoughts?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • For me, this is a tough one. But the way I see it, you did the right thing in confronting him with your concerns. For a relationship, you need to be able to communicate. I don't think he should have been angry with you when you told him you would be unable to continue a friendship. I think he should have been supportive (although, he may be angry because he is upset he's going to lose you...maybe he has feelings for you). I understand that he's been through a lot, and everyone needs a certain amount of time to heal, but you can't wait around forever on a "maybe" or "what ifs". You feel hurt, now you yourself need time to heal. Maybe later you can continue to talk and become friends. Like you said, it's probably not the right time. Hunny, I say try not to worry about this too much. Do what you think is right. Take some time to think about what you want. You two aren't committed to each other. See other guys. Figure out your feelings. What's meant to be will always find a way. I hope I've helped even if it's just a bit.

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    • It helped.. Thank you... I just have to stand strong in my decision.. He hasn't reached out or anything but there are times when I want to buuuut, I won't.. Thanks

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What Guys Said 2

  • I'm assuming that during your dating (all 4 months) you guys continued to be intimate up until your decision to leave.

    If that's the case then the dude is being a selfish asshole and he's trying to guilt you into staying on as his fuck buddy, which is what you have end up becoming if the conjecture above is correct.

    No, you're not running from anything. You expected him to be your boyfriend and he's keeping you in limbo for his own selfish gain. I'm not a hater though, I mean if he want's do to that then that's fine but the fucked up part is that he's trying to make it sound like you're at fault here when you're not. How does he think a female would react once she realizes she's been used? It's a good thing that you stopped being friends with him too. No friend does that.

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    • Thanks for this! Needed to hear it, esp from a guy lol but yeah it's so wack that he got so angry. A friend would understand that I just need time to heal and space to emotionally make myself available for someone who is ready ..

  • Too long and sounds enmeshed with " Friend zoned guys " rooting each other , drama etc . No shit this is all fucking crazy.

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What Girls Said 3

  • From what I am reading here, sweetie, the relationship you Continued with thence after, and had rekindled the fires again with, has been nothing but friends with benefits. He was honest in the beginning, that Friendship is the basis of a strong foundation for healthy, Working relationship. Four months passed, and you seemed to be the Only one who was having stronger feelings, and going through all the emotional roller coaster ride redrick, but yet, he is Not making any Permanent When promises. Yes, he was going through the whole "friendship building" block thing, and at the same time, nothing has been etched in stone. He may have been playing you some, just to buy himself some time, because he does have feelings for you. However, not enough to say "Let's do this now."

    After awhile, thinking things over, he Was honest in admitting to you that he was scared and couldn't commit to you 100 percent, and wasn't ready for another relationship after coming out of a bad deal with his baby's mother. It looks as though he really got cold feet, and decided to just quack off and leave things as this until God knows when---another season would come and go.

    Yes, you certainly Did put a lot of hard work into something that was a potential wreck to start with, and the way I see it now, you can either give him the boot and find someone who is more willing to have give More of himself, or keep this unpredictable, no guarantee one, baggage and all. The choice is up to you.

    If you have"been there, done that," then in my opinion, you wouldn't be 'running" or even throwing in the bib too soon. There are no guarantees here, although I am Not saying that down the line things could change. But bear this in mind, as you do some serious soul searching, that he does have a child, and as that child gets older, That will Never change----his love and continued obligation to him...and you not knowing really where you may fit in to all this.xx

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    • Thanks for the insight.. Everything you said is pretty on point.. I'm just gonna continue to stay away and heal.. Really figure out some things and take time for myself

    • Good for uu, girl..Good luck..xx

  • Well,I think this guys drama should have been considered beforehand. I think it would have been great for you to gauge the situation between him and the mother of his child before just hanging out,and attempting to have this "friendship" progressing towards something else. I think he has every right to not want to date right now,and I think you have every right to not want to wait around for him. Who knows WHEN He will be ready to seriously date again. Protect yourself first,good luck.

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    • Yeah I regret having gotten so involved with him.. I stopped talking to him seriously four years prior for similar reasons.. I thought this time around could be different but I see it was just a waste.. Thanks for the answer

  • find a guy who is emotionally ready for a relationship w u..not someone who has baby mama drama..u did right in getting out of a dead end relationship

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