Why am I still hurting 7 months on from my break up?

I am over my ex, I don't want anything to do with him. However now and again little things crop up in my mind about how he treated me and got away with it. He got a new girlfriend only 4 weeks after we broke up and he treats her like a princess. I was so loving towards him, I bought him gifts all the time, I cuddled him when he cried, I looked after him and listened to him whenever he needed me and I never asked him for anything, so why did he treat me badly?

This question keeps cropping up and I feel hurt all over again.

For instance it was Valentine's day recently, and I just thought about how badly he treated me on Valentine's day last year. It hurts. I don't want him back, he's an idiot, but it just hurts still.

Any thoughts on why I am still feeling like this after so long? Surely I should have forgotten about this all by now?

Thank you :)


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think its because you are allowing your mind to keep putting the past on repeat. Also,in general time will heal. But it seems like you need to take control of your mind. I think you need to ACCEPT What transpired between the two of you. That is the first step. Accept that it happened. Next...TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your part in what happened. I know. You were amazing to him and he treated you like garbage. BUT...take responsibility for allowing to happen. Remember this,"people only treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you." You could have walked away at the first sign of disrespect...but you didn't...because you cared for him. I'm not saying his behavior is your fault,I'm saying accept that you didn't leave the situation and treat it as a LESSON.

    Next...FORGIVE him. Forgive him that he didn't know how to treat you better. Until you release all of those negative feelings you have for him,you will NEVER be able to move forward. Forgive him for hurting you and not being able to accept your love.

    Last,FORGIVE yourself. For spending hours and days lamenting on the situation and for not allowing yourself to move forward. Forgive yourself for staying when it would have been best to leave the relationship. Forgiveness and acceptance in my opinion or two of the biggest and strongest ways to move forward from trauma and heartache. Its difficult to do but you can do it.

    I was hurt badly by someone a few years ago and I was hurt for months reliving everything in my mind day in and day out. But I analyzed the situation so I would never make that mistake again.This is the process I had to go through in order to move forward and leave it in the past...and you can too.

    Good luck.

    • Thank you so much. I am going to try these things. :)

    • I hope you do. Don't focus on what he is doing and whom he is dating etc. That is of no importance to you. But self improvement is so that you can be your best self,and find someone else who is more than worth your time and love. Someone who WILL know how to reciprocate it. Its a process,but you can do it. If you need to vent some time,I'm here. Good luck to you and you're welcome.

Valentines Day

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What Guys Said 3

  • People can forgive but never forget. You're not weird, it's natural. Take this as a learning experience. Whenever you catch a guy that is selfish or exhibiting some other unsavory characteristic similar to your ex then you know he's the wrong guy for you, throw him back. Behavior isn't necessarily everything like the other guy said, I'll explain below.

    I don't know your situation but don't be so quick to call him a jerk and assume he was such an asshole. Maybe he was telling you things during the relationship that you never bothered to listen to. Different people think different things.

    My ex would buy me shit all the time. It was how she showed her love. I would do things like her research papers, help her on interviews, resume building, drive her around everywhere... but she didn't see that, she wanted a romantic guy that brought her flowers, poems and told her how much he cared, all the time.

    As for the behavior thing she was super quiet and I came from a ghetto family that yelled a lot, kinda like east coast New Yorkers. So naturally when we would have a "discussion" she would think that I was raving mad when actually I was pretty chill about the whole situation lmao... no joke. Over time I gradually learned to tone it down but I still get loud.

    So you know, I'm just saying to keep an open mind. Maybe the signs were there but you didn't catch it. But maybe you're right, he was an asshole ;0)

    • I agree there was definitely miscommunication. He did do a lot for me, similar to you, he would give me lifts, he would try and make me feel better, but was rarely romantic. He would spend thousands of pounds on himself, but couldn't be bothered to get me a card on Valentine's day, even though I said it was my first one. He also continued to talk to his ex and text her often. I think we both messed up. Maybe that is why I can't get over it or move on. I tried to reconcile once, but he refused.

    • Well, you tried. It's his problem if he doesn't want to try. Take it as a sign that you did your part to reconcile... Glad you took the time to think about it and try. Shows you got some character.

  • It hurts because you are beating yourself up over the mistakes you made. The key is to LEARN from these mistakes. So start telling yourself things like "Gosh, I was very weak willed when I was with him, I accepted poor behavior from him on Valentine's day - but now I am much stronger, I know what I want and will not accept being treated that way by another guy ever again."

  • You contradicted yourself, how can you be still hurting and be "over my ex"?

    You still have feelings for him, get some closure.

    • Not sure how to though. I've tried everything. He still keeps entering my mind.

    • You love him.

What Girls Said 2

  • It took me over a year to get over my ex.. I honestly recommend casual fun dating with other people.. Once you see that you are worthy of love.. and that someone can return the emotions you give then I think you will find more closure.. I wish I dated more after my break up rather than sitting home crying, writing in my diary. lol..

    • he he that is what I have done. My ex got straight into another relationship, whilst I sat and wallowed, I actually ended up with mild depression from it all. Scary what feelings can do to you.

    • Well don't feel bad.. I ended up with severe depression.. I thought things I had never thought before.. I really thought my life was over and that I'd never find someone as good but I was wrong... so wrong.

  • nowadays more and more boys don't care for a girl who treats him very well.because he must regard it as usual.Girl,you must know the truth,in the every relationship between the lovers,girls always hurt more than the boys.He got a new girlfriend only 4 weeks after you break up.So I think you should forget this badly guy.

Valentines Day