Ex girlfriend situation. too soon to ask her this?

I'll try to do a quick re-cap.

I met this girl online, we "dated" for about 2-3 months, kind of off and on. She was real hot and cold. We had an issue one night, and then hadn't talked for 4 months.

We re-connect about 2 weeks ago on fb. We started out with short brief message back and forth on fb. I had deleted her phone #, she gave it to me again and it got to the point where we started texting multiple times daily. We went out and got dinner together last night. I brought up the issues we had last time around and she said at the time she was going through a crazy party stage and she really only thought of me as a "good time friend" and wasn't looking for anything real. She also said she didn't think we had a spark last time we went out, but she wasn't looking for love and wasn't letting anyone get close so that might be why, stated she wanted to start fresh. She was really forward on our date, but always in a joking manner. She joked about getting a key to my new apartment when I move, taking my last name because she basically would move in and other similarly joking things.

She works 3 jobs and has school, so she doesn't have much free time. So I feel like I want to figure out what is going on with us instead of just kind of being on hold for a while. It's obviously too early to ask her to be my girlfriend (at least I think so, correct me if I'm wrong). So I thought of a way to test her to see how interested she was. We met online initially, so I thought of maybe asking her something like "Given our situation, do you think I should delete my online profile?" It would kind of give me an idea of how serious she thought we were, without trying to move too fast.

What are your thoughts? What do you suggest I do? I never really know where I stand with her, and we are both very laid back and joke a lot, so it's kind of hard to get serious sometimes. I'm open to any suggestions


Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, let me tell you you have been doing great so far! And from the looks of it, she is very much into you.

    Whether she is doing it consciously or not, joking about moving in with you and stuff like that is a good way to imagine a future together. It shows that she would actually like the idea of living together and even marrying you. Of course it was all a joke, but every joke holds some truth to it. Especially forwars jokes like that. You won't see girls on a horrible date making jokes like that!

    I would agree with you that it is a tad too early to ask her to be your girlfriend. About the whole dating site thing, you should just lay low on that site or stop going on there at all. I wouldn't ask her that though. "Given our situation..." makes it sounds like you are already in a committed relationship. There is nothing wrong with that, but I would play it safe and not take the risk (even if there is none).

    You should just continue to date her! Go on a second date with her and see how that goes. There is no need to put a label on your situation just yet. That will come in time. For now, what's important is that thinks are looking good for the two of you!

    I did miss one thing in your story. You didn't really say if you liked the forward jokes she made. Did you like the pictures she was painting, with the two of you in it? Or were you a bit reluctant to the idea? There are no wrong answers here.

    If you have any questions, ask right ahead!

    • I like her and would like to have a future with her, but that is kind of her personality. I mean on our third date last go around she told me she never heard me swear, so I said f***, she thought it was hilarious and said that our wedding vows would be "f*** yea" instead of yes. And now she says we didn't really have a spark that go around and apparently she wasn't that serious back then, so when she says stuff like that now I just kind of take it as it is her personality.

    • You raise a good point. It most certainly is part of her personality, but that doesn't mean the jokes lose meaning. At the very least, it is a sign that she enjoys being around you. Like I said, if she didn't enjoy your company, she would not make jokes like that.
      For now, just enjoy your time together. If you want some certainty on where you stand with her, you can just tell her that you like her and you really enjoy your time together. Ask her if she likes it too and go from there. Good luck!

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think you should continue seeing her. yes, it is too early to ask her to be your girlfriend. She says there wasn't a "spark" when you two last dated, but look at it this way: if there wasn't anything at all, she wouldn't be seeing you now! After this "party stage" of hers ended, she probably realized that you were a good guy and that you are the type of guy she would want around, now that she is ready for a relationship. While she is joking about the apartment/last name stuff, she is probably thinking about being your girlfriend eventually, and she may be testing you to see what you say to jokes about your future together. As for the comment about deleting your online profile, I don't see anything wrong with asking about it, when the time is right.

    • So your saying then the time is not right now to ask her about the online profiles?

    • I think that since you just had your "first" date it may be a little too early, unless you say it in a joking manner. If you're going to ask it as a serious question, talk to her and see her a little more, just to make sure you both seem to be into each other.

What Guys Said 1

  • Something doesn't ad up here. I don't know anybody that has been into partying suddenly stopping. Three jobs and school?
    Sounds like she's filling her time up to hold people off. How much time would she be sharing with you? This could very easily be a rebound in disguise. Tread cautiously!


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