How would/did you deal with breaking up with someone you've been in a relatively long relationship?

I don't have many friends I can talk to about with this sort of thing, and would like some insight or "pep talk" on what to do.

He's overbearing, paranoid, and manipulative. I have to give him updates on who I'm with, where I am, when I won't be able to be immediately in touch with (even for small things, like taking showers). If I don't pick up his calls the 1st time, he thinks something bad happened to me (generally not bad), but he'd get very angry with me. He's not cool with me having male friends and generally very wary of people's intentions, (A girl friend wanted to invite her male friend to come with us to hang out, but he felt like the girl friend was trying to set me up with the guy friend. For things like this, he'd tell me to not go, or else he'd be upset) so I don't go out much. There are many other examples, but I can go on for ever. I know this is partly my fault for letting this behavior continue, but I hate getting him mad at me.

How am I suppose to approach this? What should I say to him? I know he'll try to dissect any arguments I make and try to pull me back in with his kind words... how do people find the courage or strength to do this? He's 24, I'm 20 and we've been together for about 3 years.

Also, I have tried in the past to breakup, but he always suckers me back in or dissects my arguments to the point where I felt like I was fabricating the whole thing.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok, first of all I want to ask you this, Do you think breaking up with him is the right thing to do? You've been with that guy for a very long time and he obviously loves you but in a strange way that you don't like. Why not talk to him about everything that you don't like about him? Tell him the things that he does that you don't like. Maybe the two of you could work it out. I know it's hard to break up with the guy you've been with for three years. I, myself have been in a situation like this. I was with a guy for five years and I broke up with him because he took me for granted. To tell you honestly, it's the hardest thing to do because I loved him so much. I know I did the right thing but sometimes I wish I hadn't broke up with him. I just want to tell you to think about this many times. Don't just think about the bad things he did, try to think about the good things also. The guy loves you. I hope you can see and feel that. Try to communicate with him. Maybe the both of you just need time to think things over and maybe you just need to be a lot more open to each other. Don't be afraid to tell him what you don't like about him. Just be honest and if things don't go well then maybe that's time you should say goodbye. Trust me it's not easy but if you think that you really have to then Do it.

    • You are definitely right about talking to him before ending things. I'm just not sure if it'll change him because this is not the first time I've tried to breakup with him. He might go back to being this unpleasant person, or might surprise by becoming the perfect gentleman. He can be amazing sometimes, so I suppose another chance is worth it.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I was married for 40+ years and now I'm not
    #1 when your mate does not trust you to visit with another person male or female it's time to move on it will not get better.
    #2 when your mate needs to know what your doing every minute your apart it's time to move on it will not get better
    #3 your mate is making you feel like you are the one having issues yep it's time to move on it will not get better
    #4 It's not getting better get out it will only get worse. Save yourself before it's too late


What Girls Said 2

  • Sweetie, you are definitely involved with what I call a "Control freak." And the more years you spend in this death trap with King Kong, the worse he is going to get.
    Do some serious soul searching about your future with an Ape such as this one is. If you were to marry him, move in with him, or even bear kids with him, do you think for one minute things are going to be a bed of roses? Not on your life. It's dooms day for you, and "war of the roses" every which way but loose. If you don't either put your monkey man in place Now, he will continue to rule the roost, making a monkey out of you, until you both either end up in divorce court or even More a----fatal fatale. xx

    • At this point, the idea of getting married to him legitimately scares me... he can be a real control freak. what's the best thing to say to him to get him to stop this behavior? I've tried telling him that he's overbearing, but he never gets it and goes back to his usual self.

    • The way I am seeing it, and knowing the type of man he is, and probably always has been, is a zebra doesn't change his stripes. No matter what you tell him, most likely Only making him more angry and hostile, he will not listen to anything you have to say. It will only go on deaf ears. As I say, do some Serious soul searching. If you would ever decide to "tie the knot," think twice.. You don't want to end up some day with it wrapped around "something" you Might never be able to---get out of.

  • RUN! Being in a relationship with a control freak is not healthy, ever! You have the choice to be happy or unhappy. Personally I think it's time to move on and cut all ties, talking about it as you have in the past hasn't appeared to work that well. They can't exactly be completely "kind" words if it's all being made out to be in your head...