Boyfriend is away at basic for the navy and I just found out he's cheated on me. What to do?

I have been dating my boyfriend for ten months. We have been happy as can be... at least I thought so. He is currently in basic for the navy. We are both 21 (if that makes a difference) well, he has been letting me borrow his laptop while he's at basic as mine is crap. While I normally access Facebook on incognito mode today I opened Facebook in the regular window. He forgot to log out. I'm not going to make up any excuse to say I was right for doing this... but at the same time I wanted to make sure I wasn't being paranoid... as he is so overly protective of his phone. Anyway, I went on his messages an saw that he was messaging one of his ex girlfriends. He told her that he was now single (which he isn't) and that he wants to kiss her and hold her and be with her. She has a bf and has reciprocated the same feelings. Even though she said she was looking for engagement rings. Anyway, how can I go about confronting him... as he's in basic and the only way to contact him is via letter? Should I just remain true until I go to his graduation and then break up with him? I need to do it face to face... otherwise I won't have my closure. So writing him to tell him is out the question. What would some of you do if you were in my situation. I feel so betrayed and hurt and unloved right now... I'm not sure what I think.
There have been two bad arguments in our relationship where he could have called it quits but he never did. Like I've literally told him if he's unsatisfied to break up with me. He never did. Yet, he's messaging her and staying in a relationship with me? What does that even mean?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'd dump him personally, for one thing i'm ex navy and most of the guys were unfaithful... I personally wasn't because it's not in my nature although it did end my relationship being in that job. But if I wanted to cheat I could have, and it would have been easy to get away with it... unless you're an idiot you should be able to cover up being with another woman, especially when posted hundreds of miles from home. I'd leave them because they most likely won't change and they'll be constantly tempted to cheat. If other guys aren't telling them 'it's all part of it' etc... it'll just be the fact that it is easy for them to cheat.

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What Guys Said 3

  • It seems to me you were happy in love and then you had to through it all away by getting nosey snooping around where you know you shouldn't do you feel better now
    If you must trash your relation with him box up his laptop and send it to him he will get the idea

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    • I mean it is my boyfriend. Had I not... I would go on not knowing and look even more foolish. I'm glad I found it, and I will be discussing it with him when I see him. I am not one for blowing up on a person and accusing, I will casually at the right moment mention it. Then we will see where it goes from there.

  • He cheated. Do you want to let him have sex with other women? If not, break up now.

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  • Break up with him now.

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What Girls Said 2

  • my gosh-.- I'm so sorry this happened to u…

    as Bambi said, something was up when he started getting all protective of his phone. he wouldn't have cared at all if u looked through it, if he had nothing on there that would upset u. its amazing how even tho u feel guilty for looking through his messages, it still lead u to such an important discovery….

    i know u probably really love him and i know ur hurt… but he doesn't sound good enough to be with u. girls dont want to get with, or stay with a cheater. cheating is just unforgivable in my opinion. please find someone or wait for someone who is loyal to u, so loyal that u will never even feel the need to look through any of his things, because his heart is an open book

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  • Him being overprotective of his phone is a red flag to begin with. He's also going behind your back and sending intimate messages to his ex. You guys need to break up. I personally wouldn't be able to wait for him to graduate or whatever it is but good luck if that's what you plan on doing. This sounds like a really shitty situation to be in though. It's also quite obvious that he and his ex aren't happy with the ones they're with. I say let them be together and find someone who wants to be with you.

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