Fiance kisses someone else's fiancee?

My fiance (I don't even know what page we're on at the moment) is currently 12 hours away from me and made out with his best friend, who is also engaged. He told me he made out with her because I wasn't there, he needs the physicality, and that furthermore, I caused him guilt when he got my Valentine's package in the mail the day after. It hurts because we haven't talked in a bit... he called it off with his best friend, last time we talked he was drinking, and sounding like he was regressing to old habits... I want to focus on what needs to be done here (graduate in May) so that I can get down there and be with him, or so Plan A said. I also meant hold out as in not do stuff with anyone else; I figured just because he cracked and did shit with her, it didn't give me a validation to do the same, that I can still hold out my end of the deal regardless of if he did. Well, unfortunately, I compromised that as well, because my friend that I ended up doing shenanigans with talked me into how it wasn't fair of him to do what he did and wasn't fair of me to put a higher standard on myself.

Ladies, gents... your thoughts? As a woman am I being a pussy? If more details are needed I can update.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He is NOT marriage material if 12 hours of distance can cause him to forget everything that you two stand for. Absolutely inappropriate, immature and unacceptable. He should not be surrounding himself with people like his friend, or anyone that does not respect your relationship and therefore him as well. If a "late" gift causes him to think about you and your guy's potential marriage differently than that is something you should be cautious of. That is obscenely materialistic and shallow. It is an item, you would be forever.

    Secondly, i know you don't want to hear this, but you need to hear this. You are no better than him. I agree he is acting like a d-bag and may deserve it but retaliation is a childish thing to do. Grow up, be a woman, pick yourself up and move on. Getting on his level is LETTING HIM WIN. You can't be mad at him because you are doing the same things regardless of who did it first. You shouldn't be talking to men that could pose a potential threat to your relationship.

    You both sound like you are the farthest thing from being ready to get married, sounds like you guys can't even keep the promise to each other to not be with anyone else OR communicate effectively and honestly at all, let alone commit yourselves to each other indefinitely.

    Please wait for marriage and break it off with each other. Doesn't sound like this is leading anywhere positive and if anything you both will end up getting yourselves more hurt. Give yourselves time to mature and get the "shenanigans" out of your system before taking such a permanent step with someone else.

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    • MzCoco,

      To clarify, I wasn't going out of my way to retaliate. If I wasn't clear enough in my post, I strived (but failed) to transcend his mistake. Maybe I felt abandoned, adding onto me staying with my friend when he needed help I placed myself in that state of compromise. This is no blame on either, I know damn & full well what I did isn't justified. I may be phased at this point but that doesn't make me immature. You assumed a lot in your post, but thank you for your opinion.

    • My apologies miss, I did not intend to offend you. That said I still believe that you need to hear some difficult things to say that those around you may not want to mention. No it was not very clear to me, im glad you took the high road though and chose not to retaliate. Retaliation is what wouldve made you immature, so that to me indicates that you are obviously not.

      Im sorry for your situation, its heartbreaking. So please, heed this and cut ties with your now ex. wish you the best.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Run. Run fast and don't look back. If he won't respect your relationship enough not to kiss someone else it's just a matter of time before he does more. The fact that he tried blaming you... red flag... Run

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What Girls Said 2

  • My question to you is, sweetie: Why are you getting married?
    I don't think either one of you is ready, and as for him, I wouldn't hear of even tying the Knot with That gruesome groom, unless it was to wrap One around his Cheating chump of neck.
    Think twice about walking down the aisle right now. You yourself Now are playing this sorted game of "hooligans," and it's like "if he can do it, so can I." In the end, it is only showing an unhealthy relationship, which will lead to nothing but Adultery and mind games in your new marriage.
    I have a bad luck feeling here, and if I were even your Wedding Planner, I would highly suggest "planning" something different from here on in.
    Being A "pussy?" No, that's Not the word I would use. More like The "bouquet," because if you marry this one, you will always be tossed back and forth in Some situation, even if it is Not cheating, but "cracked and just did some shit" for whatever lame reason. xx

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  • I think that's pretty low what he did and said as an excuse he need physicality. Any kind of cheating like that is not okay. I'm assuming everything was really good before this happened, but now that he did this, its going to be really hard to get past it.. I think you deserve a lot better, and although what you did isn't really right either, you guys are both trying to deal with you missing each other by doing things with another person. It sucks doing long distance but lots of couples do it without cheating and you guys should have been able to too. No matter how much I loved him, I would dump him right then and there, I could forgive him in the long run but never forget what he did to me. I would move on and find someone else.

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