Why would she want more than is offered?

So earlier this week my girlfriend of almost 3 years and I broke up. I ended up leaving her after she keep nagging my on the subject of marriage. First I want to say that we both are 21 and in college and also that at the start of our relationship I was completely upfront with her about the fact that I would most likely never get married. At the time she seemed pretty fine with it and said she didn't care. So fast-forward about 2 years into out relationship. Things were great, I mean we didn't have out ups and down, but what couple doesn't. It was around this time that the nagging started. At first is start off small like steering out conversation towards marriage or the idea of kids. But after a month or two it got worse to where she even dragged me into a random jewelry store on one of our walks around town. Eventually it lead up to an argument where she told be that it was unfair that I'm keeping her in a relationship without even thinking of committing. And after that things got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and ended it. But I'm still curious as to why she would try to force the idea into my head when I was upfront about how I felt about it. I offered the best I could, but apparently that still wasn't enough. Why?


Most Helpful Guy

  • To answer the question of why "thetundrawolf" thinks what you did was a bit coldhearted and shallow... All I have is your post to go on but it seems like you don't have very strong emotions about this breakup. The tone of your paragraph is just "curious" as you describe yourself. It does indeed sound a little bit robotic. It's like, get mad or something lol. The way you write it is like, "well if it works out it works out, and if it doesn't it doesn't, and I guess it didn't. that's odd. Okay, well what next?" I think that's also something that your Ex may have felt from you, some kind of extreme apathy for committing. Like if you push the SHIFT key 8 times it enables sticky keys, if she brings up marriage 8 times, Boom. Dumped.

    I'm not saying she was right to force the idea of marriage so strongly. I think that where you guys are (21 and in college) is kind of ridiculous to be planning marriage. You don't know where your careers will take you yet or what your life after college will look like. So I completely get the aversion to getting engaged.

    HOWEVER, just because you told her in the beginning of your relationship that you didn't want to get married doesn't mean she's not allowed to ask you about it. Also, there's a lot of grey area between "Married" and "Single." Was there no discussion of where the relationship was going to go? I can easily see her frustration here. What was your plan for the future? Do you know how many young people say they never want to get married? A lot. Do you know how many of them get married? A lot. Maybe she changed her mind over the 3-ish years you were together. That's a long time, especially at this point of your lives. You had this discussion on marriage when you were 18. From the way you portrayed it was like, she clearly wanted to get married, you didn't, she pushed it, you dumped her.

    • If you are so strongly anti-marriage, it's probably for the best that you broke up. You have different goals. But it doesn't sound like you did "your best" as you say. Maybe it's just because you didn't explain it in your post. I don't know . Sorry about the breakup though.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I kinda understand her point, because being married (full committed) to the person you love is a dream for most girls, but at the same time... That is not what you want and she needed to respect that. I don't want to be rude, but you guys breaking up was good for you, but also her. You want the completely different things. When you said it first I don't think she took you serious enough, and I guess you guys where still in our honeymoon phase something that of course makes her think that your opinion about marriage would change in the near future. :)


What Guys Said 2

  • As a woman, she wants the commitment from you, to cement the relationship in. Why? So you can't just "Break it off" as easily in the future. You are telling her, by marrying her, that you will devote more of your life, and your time to her. It is ingrained into the vast majority of women to desire this type of regularity in life.

    She was hoping she would change your mind about it, and that after spending years with her you would be more soft to the idea. You said "Probably" never get married. To a woman that means "I need more time, then I can be pressured into it." Her "Biological clock" is ticking.

    It was very manipulative of her to do those things, she would likely be a manipulator later on in life when she wanted something, which is a bad sign.

    You did not offer the best you could. The best you are capable of is hunkering down, getting to know her on a serious, deep, personal level like you would the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. Then promise her your life, and your heart, with a ring. THAT is your best. Not, casually dating some girl, then breaking it off when she nags you about marriage. That is shallow, cheap, and cold- hearted, especially with a woman you have been with for three years. Did you not care about her at all? Was she just a lay to you? Is that what three years of knowing Bob45678 gets a woman?

    • I appreciate your thoughts, but I must say I did do my best. I was always upfront with her about how I what I wanted and how I felt. We live together for about a year. Even when she began to try and push the idea of marriage I tried my best. It's not like I was forcing her to stay. You say it was shallow cheap and cold-hearted, but I think it is for the best. Since I apparently can't give her what she wants this there's no place for me.

  • Because girls don't realize how straightforward we are. She thought she could change you. She was wrong.