I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn't in love with me after 2 years. I can't get over him and I have so many mixed feelings! Help?

My SO and I dated for 2 years and we had a mostly fantastic relationship. Our relationship was the best either of us has had, ever. It was pretty healthy and we are great friends. We are unbelievably similar in interests and politics, etc. he was the first guy that I felt like I really fell in love with and considered marriage although I'd had other long term relationships. We were terrible at communicating with each other and he had some serious issues from ex's. Our fights felt devastating emotionally. We had other problems but I felt that we could have worked through them.
I finally called it quits when I realized that he would never be in love with me and would never marry me. We still work together and we've had a tumultuous 2 months but we are getting along better now. I just can't get rid of my feelings and I don't think I want to but what is my alternative? What can I do? I've never had so much trouble getting over a guy before and we've both been talking to other people. Help?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think just reminding yourself that he wasn't falling in love (or at least communicating it) and wasn't going to commit to marriage as far as you know.

    Just remember the reasons why you broke it off. It's natural to still have feelings and working with him I'm sure doesn't help things much but you had legit reasons for breaking up. so just remind yourself of those reasons


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What Guys Said 2

  • Your residual feelings are completely normal, especially after two years of being in a relationship. You are emotionally attached and you still care, so you may need a significant amount of time to get over the breakup and to transition from being in a relationship with him to being a platonic friend or coworker.

    Considering the great lengths you have taken to get over him thus far, talking to or dating other people may not expedite the healing process or dissolve your feelings for him. Although seeing others under such circumstances may have its advantages, in many cases, it serves as a temporary distraction, or may prolong the recovery process.

    My advice, allow yourself the necessary time to come to terms with your decision to move forward without him, to be angry, to grieve, and to mourn the loss of the relationship. Simply put, you need time to recover.

  • You had a great relationship, but because he would not put a ring on it, you dumped him.

    So far as I see it, this is your bed that you've made and now you have to lie in it.

    • I think it's valid to break off a relationship where you have completely different levels of feelings. And how do you build a future with someone who can't commit to the future. I want a family and a life and that's an unreasonable desire?

    • I don't see where you couldn't have had those, without a ring on your finger.

      You wanted the shiny rock, more than you wanted a decent guy.

      Hope that doesn't bite you on the ass in 10 years.

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