What is the right way to approach this situation?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now and it has been great. We are very comfortable being ourselves around each other and we care for each other very much.

He has always said that our relationship is a very special one, and I think so too, but I don't really know that for a fact as he is my first boyfriend, so I don't really know a good relationship from a bad one. I feel as though if I had more experience from dating with other people, I would feel a bit more confident.

In addition, he is a handsome guy, but recently I have been having difficulty being sexually attracted to him. I'm not sure why, but after a chat with one of my friends, she suggested that maybe I felt more as if our relationship was very friendship based, not so much romantic. And I think that I agree with that idea too.

He has been talking about more long term relationship things, such as marriage and kids a bit down the line, but I am way not ready for that. I used to like hearing him talk about the future like that, but now I'm not so sure.

I am only 20 years old, which is the "prime of my dating life", and I am worried that I may almost be wasting this time with a guy who I may not see myself ending up with. That being said, he is a great guy and he is probably one of my best friends and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

So I am lost for what I should do! Should I wait and see if it changes? Should I break up with him and (do the horribly cliche thing) ask to be friends in the future? Or what? Any personal stories or advice would be so welcome.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Loving someone is hard, and being with him for so long I can see that you do love him. But staying with someone out of obligation does both of you a disservice. He deserves to be loved fully, the way he wants to be loved and you deserve to seek the life you want. It would be fair to him for you to playact just to avoid being the bad guy and it wouldn't be fair to you to not have the life you desire. I mean, are you really only thinking about his feelings or are you avoiding the responsibility of hurting him as well?
    All that's going to happen is you will end up resenting him, he will be confused and hurt and you're going to break up anyway. Maybe you will manufacture something to blame on him to eventually get what you want. But he deserves honesty, especially if you care for him.
    The sooner you're honest, the sooner he can get over you and move on. Yeah, he's going to be pissed, but that is the price you will have to pay for your freedom. And you do deserve to live the life you want.
    Good luck.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I went through a similar experience as you, I was in a relationship that started in high school and ended in college a little over 3 years.

    We went to the same college and basically lived together our freshmen year, and we drove each other crazy, the things that made me fall in live with her in high school were the things that made me "hate" her in college. I didn't want to hurt her feelings but eventually I had to, because I became really unhappy... The break up devastated her to the point that she transfered, and she hated me for years but I'm still glad I ended it before I started lashing out due to my unhappiness.


What Girls Said 1

  • Wait a few weeks, see if you still feel the same way. Hormones mess with our brains sometimes. If you do, then end it. But be careful, if you could see yourself missing him or wanting him back in the future, just keep in mind that he might move on and you could lose him forever. Is experimenting/dating new people worth possibly losing someone you have been with for so long?


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