Is it my fault that my sister doesn't talk to me anymore?

I am 21 years old and my sister is 24. We grew up together and we were friends. She moved out when she was 19 because she went to college.
We are different. I'm more calm and sensitive and she is more outgoing and fun. I always knew that if we were not sisters we would not talk or be friends, but I hoped that was not true.
Two years ago she started working for an international company and had to move in another country. Before moving she got married. Her husband moved abroad with her. We talked once or twice a mounth. But every single time I started the conversation. When I asked her why doesn't she initiate a conversation with me, just to ask me how am I doing she said that she was very busy at work. But she was online on whatsapp every hour
Althought I was hurt I passed over this situations and I was glad whenever I talked to her. But then something very ****** up happend. Her husband told me that he found out that she was cheating on him. And after some hard times they decided to try to save their marriage. She thaught that I did not know that she cheated on him and I pretended so because it was a delicated situation.
They came home on Christmas break. And they seemed happy. The thing was that my sister was texting somebody when her husband was not arround. I guessed that she texted the man that she had an affair with. So I said to her husband what she was doing.
She got upset with me and she said that I betrayed hey and she won't talk to me again ever. And it seems that she is sticking with this promise because since Christmas she have't said a word to me.
First I was mad at her. But now I want to talk to her because I miss her. Two days ago I asked her "how are you?" on whatsapp. She did not responded. And she checked her wp daily but ignored my message. I was just trying to help her marriage not to do harm to her.
Have I done something so wrong that I deserve being ignored?
Do you think she will talk to me again?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Sweetie, I certainly can relate to your "sisterly situation," for it has been happening to me ever since the death of our beloved grandma 13 years ago. My sister just suddenly changed over nite, and between her unfortunate illnesses, and many problems in life that were thrown her way, she doesn't even care if she sees me or not. Always an excuse when I am coming to town, always a smart ass answer about my lifestyle and the way I live, never a kind word. On top of this, she is a big drinker, and it doesn't help any when she is three sheets to the wind, and starts a tornado with me.
    My sister is very jealous of me, it's a known fact for years in my family, and perhaps this same thing holds true between you and your sibling. She's miserable in her own life, her marriage is crumbling, and maybe she can't have this guy she is having the fling with, who knows, and she is mad at you because you're Single, carefree, and just everything she wishes she was.
    By you even opening up your mouth to mention the weather, will set Sister Dearest off, and she will find Any excuse to throw you under the bus and not have to continue with you.
    I have told my parents more than once "I love my sister, but I don't want a relationship with her." There are a few times when she is able to work at her favorite job, and she is okay, but the minute she is not able to, Wham. She is right back to drinking and thinking again, and I am her scapegoat.
    When someone feels this strongly about you, even if it's a family member, you have to Do the Ignoring now. It's sad to say. I spent 13 years of my life and my time trying to be the Good Sister Samaritan, but what good did it do me? Don't make it one of your life missions to keep chasing someone who will always continue to feel this way about you. Like my sister, she has it in for me, and depending if the chips are down, tells me if I go down too. But I won't deal with it anymore.

    • This is so sad :( It's sad that we grew up together and our sisters act like strangers or worse.
      I still have hope that my sister will change her mind before I will get tired to contact her and get no response.

    • I know how yo feel.. it make their life so much simplier when they don't have to hear the sound of our voice... My sis and I used to be inseparable, even lived with her and another husband before, but now she could care less if I even live.. I have accepted, please you do the same.. Maybe someday she will come around, but it's just so painful to keep trying and no one wants to respond.. xx

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What Guys Said 3

  • its tough to get people that are upset to talk to us again , I went through a situation with similar aged girl who got upset at me and wouldn't talk to me anymore. its like there doing it just to annoy the person and they know its rediclous to not talk to someone anymore over something stuiped. anyways I think it takes time for such wounds to heal and for other person to return to normal behaviour

  • Yes but Give it time. You maybe shouldn't have said something to her husband about her texting another guy because that really wasn't your place to do that. But give it time, apologize to her but after that the ball is in her court.

    • She never listened to any advice about "life" that was coming from me because she thinks that she is much mature than me. This is the only thing that I could do to help her :(

    • Sooner or later hopefully she realized that she really has no one to bd mad at but herself. But at least now you know to listen about things you shouldn't know and not say them. J know you wanted to help but sometimes the best way to do that is keep quiet. Eventually her hubby would've found out. I hope you and her mend the fences. Good luck!!

  • None of this is your fault, this is completely her fault. There was nothing wrong in tell her husband either because after marriage her husband is also now your brother. Besides that she obviously does not know how to love people. How is it that she keeps texting someone behind her husbands back and after she agreed to work things out with him. And why does she have time to text this new guy she shouldn't be texting and not have time for her own sister to even initiate a call. She is selfish and her grudge towards you is a clear sign of that. Just stay the way you are. The fact that you want to see her even after that whole mess shows that you have a kind heart. Give your sister some space and hopefully she will see that what she is doing to you and her husband is truly wrong. Sometimes you can't always control how people act so you just have to be hopeful.


What Girls Said 1

  • She has to help her own marriage, that's something you cannot do.
    You crossed boundaries when you told the husband what she did.
    That isn't your place to do that.

    You had the right intentions and goodness in your heart,
    but the confession should have came from her.
    Understand that she is seeing it from that perspective.

    You both have a lot to work on.
    But you BOTH have to be willing and ready.
    Clearly, she isn't.

    • I know that I should not have said that.
      But it broke my heart when I saw in my big sister a person who lied, cheated and had altered morals. :(
      Her marriage is in a good place now.
      I wish I could say the same about my relationship with her.

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