Why do people try and justify cheating or being the "other woman/man"?

There is nothing they can do to justify cheating or getting with taken person.

People say I'm harsh on my views, but after my dad cheated on my mom with some lowlife, then tried to play victim for having to pay child support... I have no respect for them. In my opinion they are selfish, heartless, soul-less things that deserve no sympathy.

If you want out of a relationship... then GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP!!! There's no reason to stay if you are just going to be a cheater. Kids? Still not a good reason, Kids will remember if a parent is a cheater, and to this day I still hate my dad (he cheated when I was 11, then my parents divorced).

Why do people think cheating is ok? Or try and justify it? I know I have a strong opinion on this subject.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Because deep down they know they were wrong and they don't have it in them to own up to that.
    Cheaters are wrong and guilty for their own actions. However, I can see some situations where the significant other could have lead them to cheating. I hate to admit it, but it's true. For example, men who beat the crap out of their women and abuse her emotionally. Well, when some kind, charming gentleman comes along whom she just so happens to have an effortless chemistry with, does that abusive jerk truly have the place to be mad? Not in my eyes. I've seen women who belittle, nag, and tear down their man. They emasculate him and feel small yet they want to be upset when they found out a more kind-hearted, less mean spirited female has captured his interest on a higher level. I do not condone cheating and cheating is so effed up, but I would be lying to you if I said I couldn't see how some people wouldn't have cheated had their partner not ______ . That's not a justification: that's just PURE HONESTY.

    I've also never been cheated on so I'm slightly biased.

    • I completely agree with you!

    • Show All
    • The appropriate thing for those people to do would be to leave their spouse and start a relationship with the new person. Starting a relationship with the new person without first leaving the spouse is unexcusable.

    • I agree completely.

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What Guys Said 4

  • It's simple: they are selfish and self-centered.

    Narcissism can be very powerful.

  • I am not suggesting they are right or wrong.

    But I do know quite a few couples where there sex life went to zero, and one of them wasn't happy with that.

    They still wanted to be part of a family, they still wanted to see their kids every day and raise them, they just didn't ever agree to being celibate. They question why they should lose their children because the person they married decided to effectively check out of being married.

    So they 'cheated'. The reason I put cheating in quotes is that they were the second to cheat. Deciding to publicly be married while not acting like it when the door closes is cheating as well, even if you don't get publicly dragged through the mud for it later.

    • That's when you talk to you spouse and come up with a solution... I already decided that if I stop wanting sex after I've been married for a while, I'll make a deal that he can hook up (only hook up) with other girls, as long as he's being safe. Guys seem to think that if women don't want sex, that they are just witholding it in spite of them, but there are a number of reasons to why a woman wouldn't want sex. To cheat without knowing the reason is just stupid.

    • I think your approach is preferable, and I would (and in fact have, even on this site) encouraged people in the situation described to do EXACTLY that - to talk to their spouse, and to essentially arrange for an open marriage if the non-consenting spouse isn't interested in repairing their sex life.

      But are there spouses who are unstable, who would not communicate, who would use this information as a reason to vindictively ruin the denied spouse? Yup.

      We never really know what's going on inside other people's marriages.

      But I wholeheartedly agree that in most cases what you suggest should be tried -first-.

  • You have good reason to resent and feel strongly. He not only cheated on your mother he cheated you, stole from you and now is trying to justify his actions with a thought that has no correct premise. As long as he believes that he did no wrong all through out his life he just will not get it. A self induced curse.

    My father cheated on my mother, we had the child support problem. The moment we as a family let God handle it, my father lived a miserable life.

    God has a lot to say about this.

    God says to kill the cheater, Jesus says to forgive.

    Marriage is a contract with God as the main party. For a man to cheat on his wife is the same thing as cheating on God. There is no defense for the cheating spouse. They both stood there took the oath and promise and then the first time difficulty or what ever reason comes along, seeks out another.

    Good luck,

    • Thanks, I don't believe in god, but cheating is just so immoral and wrong... What ever happened to trusting your spouse?

  • Because it's in our nature to rationalize away things in order to justify our actions. It's just a part of what makes us human. (:


What Girls Said 6

  • They do it because they have no shame, people are brats these days who lie out of their teeth to try and get away with things, people are corrupted, not everyone but the majority and then they wonder why they hate themselves lol, they believe the message the governments are trying to make people believe that you can't be a good person to get by in the world, it's utter crap... so they act horrible to get by in life but then end up shooting themselves in the foot believing them, surely they have learned by now not to listen to the tripe that comes from them. No good deed goes unpunished these days but it doesn't mean you should stop being nice, no... we lack good people and we need more.

    • It just generally tempts them into doing all sorts of other bad things too and their behavior just gets worse, even cheating, if they believe they can't get by as a nice person they will start thinking they can walk all over whoever they want to.

    • That is so incredibly true

  • Here's a funny fact: most bird species are monogamous. And of all the momogamous bird species, the females of most of these species would at some point cheat on their mates. And my professor did a research on a specific species and found out that the males who have been cheated on, refused to feed the chicks that weren't his. Even though they were in the same nest. The males knew which chicks aren't his and they knew that their females have cheated.

    I wonder if the females justify their actions for cheating as well ("well I saw this other male from the tree across the street, and his feathers are more shiny and his breast looks more plump. I mated with him because I thought he would give my chicks better genes than you, honey... I was just doing what my instinct told me to do...")

    Maybe cheating is a primal thing. Some GAG users have said that humans aren't supposed to be monogamous in the first place. Maybe they're right, maybe they're wrong.

    I just think that guilt is a nasty thing. It eats you up from the inside (not that I've ever cheated, but I've done some lying..) It's part of our conscience. And to ease the feelings of guilt, people would look for reasons to justify their actions. So that they could sleep at night.

    • I think some people aren't cut out for monogamy. That's fine. But they should never pretend to be.

    • maybe they just haven't realised that they're not cut out for monogamy...

  • I agree with you.

    Some people don't have the guts to end their current relationship, for whatever reason, and start cheating. Some others enjoy the secret part of the whole thing, they find it exciting. And some people just don't like monogamy.

    In any case, the cheater is always being selfish. Except if the person who doesn't like monogamy gets a partner who feels the same way... in which case, sleeping around with other people or having a parallel relationship wouldn't be considered as cheating...

    I think all the cheaters have at least 2 reasons for doing so, first, being selfish, second: a private one. But they won't always tell the truth about the real motives when asked...

  • I don't know I never justified being the other woman , I just did it because I was bored and needed a thrill. I knew it wasn't socially acceptable but I just didn't care

    • Well I feel bad for the women who got cheated on

    • Show All
    • I think a lot of people who do this get a self confidence boost for being "picked" over the wife. It's always a reflection on the cheater, always a reflection on the willing "other person", and rarely a reflection on the person being cheated on. Character, y'all. Character.

    • They weren't married and the broke up over something else. And it wasn't something I did for a confidence boost , it's something I did for an adrenaline rush

  • They justify themselves for cheating after they get caught. They obviously didn't care about who they were hurting while the cheating was going on.

  • First off, it depends if the other woman/man knows he/she is that other woman/man. Some people unknowingly date a married person. People cheat for various reasons: lack of sex, emotional issues, losing that "spark", etc... People try to justify it but there really is no way to justify it but it won't stop them from trying. I too have a strong opinion on this subject because my mother was constantly dating married men, my father was actually married to a woman and didn't know about me until I was about 16. People these days are just horrible.

    • That's true, and yeah, I'm talking about the people that knows they are with a married person

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