I don't want to repost my "cheated on me post" but it explains a lot of back story if you look it up. So I am 45. My wife left me and it was final on 1/14/14. I bought a house about a half mile away which is great for my 3 boys. Since we were together for 25 years I pictured us being very close and getting along really well. Her mom has a similar situation where she is divorced but they are together more then not.
She completely turned her back on me. she seems to want to hurt me or humiliate me whenever she can. I just found out she was cheating on me at the end of the relationship.
I love her with all my being. So getting past this seems impossible.
I have an extremely strong sense of family. It is not like we have only been together a few years. I have been with her more then half my life. She is family. I could not stop loving her any more then I could stop loving my kids or my parents. it is unconditional. how do you throw away 25 years together?
So I have to try to come to the realization that she never loved me. That 25 years was a lie.
We were very co-dependent people. I wrapped myself completely in my family. I have 1 friend I have known all my life but he has his own family and we don't talk much.
So no friends, nobody to talk to, all these unresolved issues.
I am more comfortable with women then men. I see women doctors, up until now only women therapists. I think I will have to switch now that the terms of my therapy have changed from saving my marriage to finding a way to move on.
I never had a girlfriend before my wife. I had gone on dates but never anything steady and you can count on 1 hand how many. So there weren't any women when I was young, thin and had hair. What do i do now? I don't have looks. I have never been attractive. I am financially in ruins though I have a good job and am rebuilding again.
how do I ever trust a woman again? to know I was not worth loving for all those years what does that say about me?
Most Helpful Girl
You are Fresh out of a devastating divorce, and after 25 years of doing the same thing with the same person, things have changed, so Now you are going to have to lick your wounds and roll with the punches, as they say. And no one says it's going to be Easy. Rome was not built in a day, nor will your life be rebuilt in one as well.
Take things slow for now. Learn Again Who You are. Do some soul searching and spending some time Alone in getting to know the real man you are Today, the man you have Become, and your life as it is going to be from now on.
True, you have loved only One woman for 25 years, and even after the divorce, you can't seem to throw it all away like yesterday's garbage. No one expects you to, but you Do need to use baby steps to get back into the swing of things again, and learn to live without her, for you are the One who counts Now. And of course, your three wonderful boys.
I don't see any reason for her to have to fight dirty and continue hurting you and humiliating you like she does, but even after a ugly divorce, sometimes it takes ages before anyone comes to any compromise, any sort of pact for friendship, to at least learn to get along and make it Right for even "The children's sake."
No one says you have to go out tomorrow and find another wife, another woman, but eventually down the road, you are going to get lonely and miss some companionship. You say you are More comfy with women than with men? Might I suggest a group, through your therapist, who can recommend both Men And Women in a similar situation such as yours. You will find this is good therapy, and a way of mingling and getting back out there.
I believe with divorce comes the insecurities, is Why you are being so hard on yourself. When you look in the mirror, you don't see the "man from yesterday," but now that you are a free agent, it's Up to you, to Do something to change that, and tell yourself "It's a dogie eat dog world."
Good luck. xx0