Why do cheaters claim they never meant to hurt the person they cheated on?

You either have to be lying, stupid, or a sociopath to not realize adultery was going to hurt someone.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • By definition, cheaters are selfish and self-centered. They agreed, either explicitly or by default, that they would not break the trust of their partner, and then they do it anyway simply because they want to. It doesn't get much more selfish than that.

    The thing is, people who are selfish like that rarely become selfish enough to cheat one day - in the vast majority of cases, there were LOTS of signs of their selfishness beforehand, with plenty of bad behavior. Many people are completely in denial when their partner is that way, and many are co-dependent. While you can't blame them for the cheating, they have to accept some responsibility for choosing and then staying with such a selfish person.

    And, yes, I can acknowledge that there are a FEW people who are so good at playing the game that it's very difficult to know that they live a secret life when they're away from you. Unfortunately, there isn't a lot you can do ahead of time when someone is both skilled and determined to cheat on you without you finding out.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Because they are acting on impulse and their sexual needs at the time are greater than the logic and reasoning which says they shouldn't. After the encounter, when the sexual tension has gone and the risk of being caught and what they've just done dawns on them, the realization that you just did something stupid is the prominent thought and manifests itself as guilt :-)

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    • What if someone does it again and again?

    • then I would think that they have very little love or respect for the person they are with.

  • They feel guilty and nobody wants to think of themselves as a bad or immoral person.

    I would say lying, stupid and lack of self control are the most likely causes. If they were a sociopath they wouldn't care if they hurt the person and wouldn't say or think "I didn't mean to hurt you" to lessen their guilt, since they'd have none.

    Its also possible that some people lie maliciously when they say "I didn't mean to hurt you" to try and convince the other person to take them back, these would be the sociopaths.

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  • They think that their partner won't find out about it, but they do.

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  • Because they think the other person is stupid enough to believe them. And sadly, some are, or are too infatuated to think otherwise

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  • If people entered into behaviour with the idea that they were going to get caught, then they're too dumb to pull off said behaviour in the first place.

    Cheating and Gambling are kind of similar. There's a high some people get from risk. And when people gamble, they do it from a positive standpoint of gain and expected satisfaction.

    Men don't cheat because we're looking to replace an emotional connection, there's just something off or lacking in the current relationship sexually, and the man feels compelled. Some men may very much ONLY love their wife, but he has an overpowering need for multiple partners. That's not a justification, just stating a fact. Man's drive is to conquer.

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What Girls Said 4

  • How the hell should I know, maybe they thought they weren't going to be caught. Anyways the only time I cheated it was out of spite and I sincerely didn't care if he found out of if he got hurt. The funny thing is I dumped him in that same week or so

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  • Hahaha what they mean by that is that they never meant to get caught.

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  • Technically by keeping it a secret, you aren't hurting your partner.

    Disclaimer: I don't agree with cheating.

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    • Actually, you are cheating if you do that, but that is probably the mindset they have

  • Because they have no conscience.

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