Does it seem like I'm his second choice?

Before we became official he was seeing another girl while we were seeing each other. They're pretty close friends and I'm pretty sure they both had feelings for each other at one point.
He cheated on me (made out) with her about 2 months into our relationship. He's still friends with her after he cheated and he keeps our relationship really low key, I've never really hung out with his friends whereas the other girl is in his circle of friends. I try to see him often and I give him cute gifts but I'm not sure how he actually feels about me sometimes.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's possible it's not 100% conscious on his part, especially if they were friends before they were something else. You should ask him about it and tell him how you feel, as this probably won't go away for you (since she's in his circle of friends). You can avoid it and hope it goes away, but I think as long as she's still around a lot you'll be uncomfortable (as you are now) even if something isn't going on.

    The problems with confronting this directly that I can think of off the top of my head are,

    1. If nothing is going on and you confront him about it and want him to stop being around her, he might be annoyed because she's a friend and possibly think you're insecure (because from his point of view nothing was going on, and thus no reason for having to avoid her).
    2. He would rather keep a friend than appease you, hinging the relationship on an ultimatum that might go in favor of the friend.
    3. He does have feelings for her, this confrontation pushes that to the surface.

    I'm not saying these WILL happen, but that they are possibilities. It's kind of a sucky situation. I would say that maybe you should head in the direction of trying to find out how he feels for you and leave this girl out of the conversation until you know more about his feelings just between him and you, since I get the vibe that you could be making a post about his unclear feelings for you, independent of the situation with this other girl. If you get the sense that he's genuinely into you, I would say you are much safer in confronting him over this girl. Which shouldn't be a huge problem if he is invested in your relationship.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like you're his second option and probably just needs someone to have sex with while he patches thing up with his first choice.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Yes, it does seem like he wants to be with her.
    I think you should find yourself a guy who treats you like the only girl in the world (as cliché as that sounds). You deserve much better.
    But have you ever just asked him how he feels about you? Maybe he doesn't realize what he's doing to you.

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  • I think this question can best be solved by talking to him about the situation. No one here can tell you how he feels about you. But from what you mentioned, yes... you very well might be the second choice if he cheated on you and you two were officially together... supposedly.

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  • I kinda of agree, like what's the deal with that.

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