I left my ex over a year ago and don't understand why he hates me so much!?

I left the home my abusive ex and i shared a year ago. We were together for 2.5 years. I have depression and am on disability for this, but it was not a big player in our issues. The abuse began after a yr into our time together, beginning with him being rude for absolutely no reason, nagging, ultimately becoming extremely abusive to a dangerous level. I was, and am, fully aware that I am not responsible for the abuse and my staying was in large part because I had nowhere to go and my entire family is 1000 miles away. He'd always told me he WAS my family and would tell others how in love he was with me. Him changing so drastically over time broke my heart. He now won't speak to me, has destroyed or given away my property still at our former home because I'm still homeless and struggling to find an apartment available that I can afford on my very low income. The three times I've had any in person contact at all he's quick to scream at me, becomes ready to physically harm me encourages anyone present at the time to get involved in the harrassment, and this has happened before, to the point where supposed friends turned on me entirely before I ultimately left. He now tells people we both knew that he hates me even though he has on occasion admitted to me that he knows he's "95%" of the problem (in the former relationship). I do not know why he can't even be civil and grown up enough to work with me simply to facilitate closure (personal effects, taking "custody" of my service animal (3y/o cat Marni he refuses to let me near!) and why he hates me so much. Whatever I ever did to hurt him, and I am in no way perfect, was a papercut in comparison to the abuse and other things he did to hurt me. I know I don't deserve the high level of hatred and animosity from him and could use some insight into his continuing bad behavior. Thanks!


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  • He has an abusive personality that is not changing anytime soon. His behavior is NOT surprising. Its possible that he is also upset that you have left his ultimate control by leaving the relationship, and that is why he has destroyed or given away your things. Its another for of CONTROL and EMOTIONAL abuse. With that said, you might have things still at the house or not. If I were you, I would do everything in my ability to not have to speak to him ever again. You might have to give up some things in order to completely get away from him. Or consider court for destruction of property. Good luck.


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