Live-in boyfriend "cheated" for the second time. Not sure if it is worth it to stay together?

Hi there! As the title says I'm confused about my relationship with my boyfriend (currently we have been "on break" for two days). We are both in university I'm 20 and he's 21.

[Last year we had some problems because of his contact with his ex-girlfriend. I asked him one day to explain the situation so I wouldn't imagine the worst and he assured me it was nothing. A month or two later I notice her contacting him and him responding (I didn't read the messages, I was just able to see her name when he would open his phone, etc.) I confronted him again and learned she was sending him "pictures" and writing dirty texts. But he wouldn't respond to those. Because he just wanted to be her friend. To this day, I don't believe that... but I forgave him. And he said if he ever heard from her again he would tell me.]

On Saturday morning my boyfriend left his laptop/email open accidentally when he left for work. Now normally I am not the type of person to go through someone's private things without permission, but I had suspicions something was going on. I noticed his phone is with him all the time now and it won't leave his side. Even when he goes to shower he leaves it in there when he used to just leave it on the bed/wherever.

Anyway, in his inbox there were messages from his ex-girlfriend. I was only able to see messages from Thursday and Friday , but they had been talking for over a week. The messages were him telling her he wanted to live with her and it would be the best thing ever... telling her they need a hangout/sleepover asap... telling her our relationship isn't worth it. But the one that hurt the most was when he said he needed therapy and her to make him feel young again - basically that I'd been so awful and boring I made him old. And he had complained in detail about me over their week of email.
Updates:
I confronted him (which is how I filled in some of the blanks) and he swears it was just an outlet b/c he was frustrated. But I know it's more. What do you think?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Which 2 times has he cheated on you exactly? I am just trying to make sense of it all. I have been through something so similar. With mine, he said the same thing.. it was an outlet of frustration. To a point it can be.. but does he have evidence of this frustration? Did you do anything to make him feel like this? These are the things that have to be evaluated. I will also say--it is smart to at least flee for a few days. You don't have to leave him.. but just go to someones house and tell him you need time to think. That way he knows he can't get away with this. How long have you been with him? Is it worth it to you to stay? Will you be able to FULLY trust him ever again? You need to ask yourself this. And, if there are circumstances for him to be with you again, you need to make it known. Make rules.. like he can't take his phone with him into the shower (that is a RED FLAG in itself), and have him stop talking to this girl. And, I would even make him change his number. I wouldn't trust that girl ever again.. and that would be your logic with it.

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    • also, even if it is an outlet of frustration, that still doesn't make it right.

    • There is no excuse for cheating

    • Ya I think I already stated. that thanks...

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • You deserve better than this, he has been lying and clearly in his own words, "wants to live with her, saying your relationship is rubbish, wanting to have a sleepover (sex)" End it now this is likely to go on and on and you will keep getting hurt. Please end it.

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  • Kick him out. It's not like he won't have a place to go. Basically he was feeling out if he had a "better" relationship to jump to. Explicitly telling an ex that he doesn't like his current relationship and that he wants to get back together isn't an "outlet," it's exactly what it sounds like. If you let him stay, you'll feel awful when he does this again. And he's already done it twice. Don't let him hurt you that way. There are so many better people out there who are easy to meet, especially when you're in college/university.

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  • You should kick him out immediately.

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  • Dump him. Now.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Tell him he can go vent to her permanently.
    That is not right at all even if by a slim chance it was all just talk because he's all mad and whatever.
    Because word can go around and that just makes you look bad by default and needy and easy you are to stay with a guy like that.

    But chances are it's more since he cheated twice. I would break up with my boyfriend of 4 years and walk away without looking back if I found out he cheated... even once.

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  • All that is extremely unacceptable. I'm sorry to say it but it's over. You deserve better than having to snoop into someone's stuff because they can't be honest with you. Been in your shoes, it hurts but it's time to move on.

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  • Leave you will never beable to trust him. Also he did it once before and did it again. He will make the mistake again and eventually you will hate yourself bc you let him hurt you time and time again.

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  • What an asswipe.

    You deserve better, than a lying turd. Pack his things and kick him out (or leave, if it's not your place).

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  • should have kicked him out the 1st time - no offence you asked for it this time - once a cheater always a cheater

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  • Time to move on.

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  • Yup. Time to call it quits. Either pack his bags or pack yours but one of you gots ta go.

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