Is it too much to move the kids and myself across the ocean, during a divorce?

Well he hit me. Just once and it was more of a slap that hardly hurt, but I'm not the kind of woman that takes this silently.

He deployed the day after, so I'm considering all my options. And to be quite honest, without him there is nothing keeping in the States.
Separation would financially be very difficult here and I'm not a fan of the lack of welfare and health care. The kids would still be covered but I wouldn't, while at home I'd get a higher child benefit, free health care, free child care, good schools, paid maternity leave and a lot of other things. It seems like the best option right now.

On the other hand, I don't think he's a bad person, he was under a lot of stress, with the twins just being a few weeks old and him leaving already. So I'm wondering if it's fair to him, to move to far away

I used to be in the army too (Swedish) and we met in Afghanistan. When he was reassigned back to the US we decided to get married and we got pregnant on our honeymoon. So we though it was a good idea to for me to stay at home for a while and I never took care of transferring all my qualifications. I have a medical degree tho.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Oh that is a tough situation. Where did he slap u? Even though u didn't feel it and he was "stressed" doesn't excuse the fact that he laid his hands on u. Obviously u feel the same way. Just bc u have the means and opportunity to run away doesn't mean u should. How was ur relationship otherwise? Do u feel that it was a little rushed, maybe both of ur feelings were undeveloped before u tied the knot and had kids? Bring it up the next time u talk... if he acknowledges it and apologizes profusely, I would give him one more chance to redeem what he did. And I mean a whole lot of flowers, making it up to u, and just plain old ass kissing. If he beats around the bush or ignores ur attempt to allow him to make things right then I would leave. No forewarning, just go. Him ignoring u would speak volumes. IMHO it means that he'll always avoid pressing situations and nothing will ever get resolved, or in an attempt to resolve hitting would be the answer.
    Best if luck to u and ur kiddies, Hun.
    Sincerely
    Rosie

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    • The one thing I do want to stress is how the hell is it ur fault he's stressed out? U were the one pregnant, u are the one who pushed out the twins, u are the one who has to raise them alone while he's over seas/deployed, and u are the one who has to play mommy and daddy. I would definitely keep Sweden an option on my table.

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    • I think u knowing what the outcome MIGHT be is causing u to emotionally detach from him thereby causing the weirdness over the phone. I know it's going to be a while before he returns home just take this time to think of what u want to do in both cases. Whether it's leave or u plan to work on things.

    • Only u can decide what u want out of the situation. How long is he going to be gone? What about him moving to Sweden when he's finished with his tour?

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What Guys Said 1

  • It may not be legal. Just something to consider.

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    • It's not like anyone checks. we already applied for passports because I was thinking of visiting my parents anyways while he is gone

      And even if he was to file a lawsuit, considering he hit me and his job alone doesn't exactly provide a stable home, I don't think a court would object

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    • well we looked into it a bit , because as I said I was thinking of going home in a few months and there wasn't anything that would have caught my attention.

      It's not unreasonable that I visit my family with my kids. I'll see that they'll get dual citizenship once their American passports are here tho. And he left a statement saying he agrees to me taking them outside the country. Just in case

      I don't know how that works when he gets back

      I didn't report it no. He could get thrown out of the army for that, so I don't want to yet. I did however go to a doctor off post and have it recorded. It's just a bruise though.

      I hope it works out too, but I also want to have my shit together when he comes back.
      By all means I'm not a psychologist but I've seen some cases and I didn't notice anything concerning with him. I mean he went to counselling right after he came back but he has been declared fit for duty.
      He was scared of going back. That's normal tho, everyone is

    • The statement will get you through the border.

      I think you are right - hope and work for the best, have a plan if it doesn't work, operate from a position of having choices and wanting the best one not desparation.

      You and your kids will be okay one way or the other.

What Girls Said 2

  • It sounds like a great idea... just make sure you leave the door open for him to visit his children when he gets a chance. good luck to u.

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  • I dont think it would be worth the aggravation, but its your life, your choice.

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