Why is so concerned if I've changed?

my ex who dumped me got in touch few weeks ago, he was asking me to have sex with him I refused told him to go away.. then he said I never change, I'm still the same but worse. Kept repeating it over and over again saying he never liked me, he also said first time he dumped we were dumped and was adamant that we were done so expected him never to get in contact. reason I didn't have sex with him was because he was in a supposed happy relationship with another person. Found out he has been watching my online movements as well saying he was just being nosy and was only going to use me for sex, Asked him repeatable why he came back his reply purely for sex, he said last time I was bad at it I mean really laid into me how I was fat and ugly, when he contacted a few weeks ago I did ignore him first time didn't bother with him then second time I didn't I replied like an idiot... now his girlfriend and him are arguing because of me she's obviously getting his version, I've not seen ex since he dumped me and feel I've been drawn into whatever is going on in their lives.. not fair is it? I told him if he loved her he wouldn't cheat I also said to him if you're prepared to lie and cheat this early in a relationship it's doomed you'll end up on your own..

why is he being nosy in my life when he claims to not like me and why is he so bothered to keep going on I've not changed? I made him promise when he dumped me never to contact me again because he will hurt me all over again..
I'm confused he's messing with my head why won't he leave me alone to find someone who'll make me happy it took months to finally get over him was more upbeat and positive now I feel not like before but empty..

I know some will type ignore him but genuinely do still love him it's not easy I've not really many friends to give me advice or take my phone off me I struggled alone first time... I've shut myself off again

Updates:
I love the guy I know he can be... the selfish twotiming rat what he is now I do not love

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Most Helpful Guy

  • All this guy wants is to know that if he needed you, that you would welcome him with open arms, but because you have rejected him, he is getting nasty, trying to make it sound like him rejecting you, but yes, he is being honest, he does just want to use you, but only if his current relationship fucks up, so refuse any contact, because if you make him feel as if you have moved on and have no feelings for him, this will really hurt him and his ego, but you have got to realise that this guy is not and never will be interested in you apart from using you, so don't ever allow that to happen, because if he feels he could, then he will use you. Show this guy that you now posses better and bigger qualities in men, make him aware that he was just a mistake and you now enjoy life. Because this guy is lost, but you, you have talent, and guys will notice this, where as he, well he will just stay where he is but you will move on, because you have now got rid of the rubbish and now have room for real men to make a move, he just has so silly girl who is willing to allow him to treat her like rubbish. Remember, you have talents, just wait for that right kinda wrong to come along, instead of settling for the wrong all the time. Get this loser out of your system and watch the real men queue up waiting to get a chance to prove their worth to you, x

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    • I was supposed to be going on a date today passed on it... he should never have contacted me his words were I'll be exact* I'm sorry I contacted you again I thought you'd changed* I don't think it's me that needs to change and not having sex with another woman's man is about as good as I get.. he's lying about me to her and told him she will ask you and have doubts in her head.. she will keep asking and he has to make sure his version is word for word or he end up on his own... I did nothing wrong.

    • Sorry going on a date with someone else not him!! it's like he enjoys punishing me.. I did wrong when he dumped me first time chased him begged pleaded... he had no right to contact me again to put me through that...

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What Guys Said 5

  • I totally understand still having feelings for him. You really need to move on and totally ingnore him. Sorry I know you don't want to hear that but its true. What ever you do, don't sleep with him! You will end up even more hurt because that's all he wants, trust me. You are a beautiful woman and you will find a great guy who will treat you like a princess like you deserve. I know it hurts but for your sake, let him go.

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    • There's a few guys who are interested in me really good guys... I was ready to start dating again then he came along... I'm not depressed like before more empty that he sees me as nothing but a game... I did wrong I got someone to email me a picture of his girlfriend I justified my actions because of what he done to me first time round scamming money off me... and he had a go until I found out he was watching my online activity on a website not Facebook though could be Facebook for all i know as well... I never contacted him it was other way about.. I feel empty I'm mentally exhausted

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    • Don't know if he's like how he is with others maybe because I was the only stupid one to sit in every night chatting to him on a computer when he was on a curfew.. he'd just got out of prison... he doesn't realise there's someone who loves him for all his faults so guess it's his loss... he told me I broke his heart so he thought he'd come back after his time in jail and destroy me..

    • Its definitely his loss. You were sweeter to him than he deserved. Its going to be ok. You seem to be a wonderful person. A special guy will find you :)

  • Well, he is regressing from n impossible situation relationship (again, probably) and thinking YOU were as close to perfect if only... changed those things that he thought a problem. Then he could ditch this gal & come running back to you.
    I'm thinking what he wants to change might be unlimited, unbridled sex (not love) and that's not a good deal for you, now OR then.
    If correct, then your way to replace a pig, memorable & stalk-able as he is, is to replace him ASAP, my dear
    Get social - church, dance/classes, favorite hobby

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    • OMG blonde, green eyes, cleavage = replacements should be lining up!

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    • He believes that the best life has to offer HIM is YOU with a few changes made. I'm thinking the changes he'd like to make in/about you have to do with sex, right?

    • No idea think it was to do with my personality...

  • With whom did you actually get in a relationship with? next time get to know whom a person is well after considering a relationship. This is what you do. Delete him in all your social media, or heck deactivate your Facebook if you feel you would be checking up on him, ignore his call and text, and live your life. Someone else will come. The guy is still a kid

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  • You 'really love' a guy who talks to you like that? Seriously? I think it's time for you to start working on your self respect. That should be your #1 priority. Block his # from your phone.

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  • he sounds really manipulative, starving for sex and also a pretty big jerk. he's really pulling your strings and those of the girl he is with. I think that figuring out his angle is unimportant. he wants sex? maybe... he wants you back? maybe

    but is he a good person partner? clearly not

    I know you told him or hoped for no contact but I think it's up to you now to really put your foot down. block his number, his acct on social networking sites or whatever but you need to create a symbolic wall between you and him otherwise you are always going to be drawn into his manipulative mean spirited drama

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    • He's cheekily blocked me lol.. I do think people get their comeuppance I asked him if he felt any guilt how he treated me he said no... my dad was the exact same to mum left my mum and me and my sisters for another woman.. he found her in bed with another man.. so he lost his kids for nothing... that's what I believe in karma.. I hope he gets his one day

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    • Few weeks before he dumped me he was threatening to kill himself if I ignored him.. what sort of person does that? head games and it leaves me confused... my heads like a car crash repeating all the time it doesn't stop it's fulla noise... he's always going to be there as a reminder whether in person or thought I'm never going to be free of that... emotional blackmail... jealousy.. manipulitive.. and downright spiteful use my body ok I can deal with that we've all had people in our lives like that but using my head that's something I can't recover from

    • well that's why I'd suggest just shutting him out of your life. it doesn't sound like he does anything to enrich your life and only causes you drama and pain. why keep someone like that in your life?

What Girls Said 4

  • You told him not to contact you then allowed him to, first mistake. He also knows u have low self esteem and is playing on that by manipulating u.. stop accepting his calls, text or whatever other method he is using to eff w your head and you need to find new friends and socialize more and forget about loving this douchebag

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  • I think he just really wants sex and is trying to lie and manipulate his way into getting it from you. If he actually thought you were ugly he wouldn't be trying to sleep with you. Never tolerate a guy treating you like that.

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  • Run, block him. He is still pissed for his reasons and sounds like a bully. For yourself esteem ignore everything from him, block him in everyway you can.

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  • Sounds to me like he's trying to manipulate you into having sex with him.

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    • And ruin her self confidence so that she wouldn't replace him with another guy. Guy is easy to read... and not to mention insecure as fuck.

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    • I was moving on feeling happy that's how he contacted me on a dating site.. that's where I ignored him..

    • Good, you did the right thing if only society would do this more.

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