The dumpee moved on faster than the dumper?

Right I loved this man with all my heart, so much so I planned on marrying him. Any how over the years relationship there were some red flags that I could no longer ignore. Him talking to his ex, the fact he never bought me anything for birthday, Valentine's or Christmas and his lack of future commitment. He kept hurting me.
So I decided to stop the hurt and break up with him, but my heart didn't want to let him go. He said he was devastated and that he loved me, and I secretly hoped we would get back together. However he stopped talking to me and got a new girlfriend in the space of 3 weeks.
My heart was shattered. He confirmed it I meant nothing to him.

I have read everywhere about the dumper moving on faster than the dumped. But my situation is the opposite.
Has anyone ever found the dumpee to move on quicker than the dumper? What does it mean?


Most Helpful Girl

  • It does not necessarily mean that you meant nothing to him... I dated a guy for a couple years who was crazy and controlling, even borderline obsessed with me, and when I finally left him he got a new girlfriend within a month... It took me a year!!! I know that this doesn't mean I meant nothing to him... Sometimes when you find someone else it makes it easier to move on. There is that saying, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone.

    However, from reading your story and comments, I just think he may not have been a very quality guy. Nothing to do with him not buying you gifts, but just the overall thoughtlessness and selfishness. This may just be the type of person he is... In that case, you are better off and deserve to be with someone who wants you as much as you want them.

    • Thank you, yes my relationship sounds very similar the one with your ex. Yes I am better off without him.

    • No problem... Thanks for most helpful. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 1

  • It doesn't mean what you think it does, that he didn't care about you, or that you meant nothing to him.

    He's just realising that it's over between you and he has moved on. Of course it hurts him, but the urge to move on is greater than the urge to constantly reflect on a past relationship.

    You sound pretty materialistic to be honest: you expect him to buy you gifts all the time. That's a very bad trait to have and I'm glad he's managed to move on so quickly.

    • From me saying he bought me nothing for those special occasions you presume I'm materialistic. So you would never buy your girlfriend a gift? Trust me I'm not materialistic, but you don't know me so presume away.
      Thanks for the added insult, when I was seeking genuine advice.

    • Show All
    • Well of course it's enough for me. But you made a harsh presumption from one comment. I didn't give all the details of my relationship because there is no point. Did you not see the other reasons I broke up with him? And trust me there were plenty more, like he insulted me on a daily basis and put me down in front of others. I didn't feel the need to put all that but there we go. As for the materialism, you shouldn't jump to conclusions so quickly. I was brought up very poor and never wanted anything. At 16 my only parent died and I became homeless only to work my way back for years to get back on my feet. The reason I mentioned he bought me nothing was not because I want presents, but I did want to see he had thought about me a little bit. On Valentine's day I didn't have money so I baked him a cake made him a card and dinner. He didn't even bother to turn up. So just be careful of jumping to conclusions in future because you might not know what others have been through. Best wishes.

    • Well it's best to add as much information as you can so you can avoid people making assumptions.

      I'm sorry for what he has put you through and it does seem as if you are not totally over him either.

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