I've been having trouble with this one guy I've been in an exclusive relationship with for 4 years. He's 23 and I'm 22.
He's always had a problem with talking to other girls, even hanging out with them behind my back, and lying about going to parties/strip clubs.
Last Friday he said he had something to do and couldn't hang out with me until Saturday night, when he'd pick me up for our anniversary dinner.
Everything went well but I found out (from snooping) he was talking to another girl. They exchanged #'s via text at 6 AM Saturday morning and she had asked him how the rest of his night/morning went noon on Sunday.
He denied everything saying he met her outside his friends work wanting her car fixed by him. He said he couldn't have been with her because he went to bed around 4.
Then today, Tuesday morning I cornered him and told him I know everything (even though I don't). And he admitted to going out to an after-hours club after he had to do his thing on Friday , but wouldn't say anything else.
This is really hard for me to do. I wish I could stay with him, but the pain is unbearable. I can't stand all the lies. How do I leave this person and get over it?
Most Helpful Girl
Personally my biggest problem with this (if I were you ) would be the lying and sneaking around. You both are still young and maybe he's not honestly ready to be 100% committed. Some people take longer to be ready for that, they still want to experiment and go around. That doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care about you but you two are clearly on separate pages. When he disregards your feelings and sneaks around that is extremely disrespectful and you should not tolerate it.
You shouldn't feel the need to snoop to trust him... so there has to be some trust and respect in this relationship. You need to be assertive and tell him flat out what you want and need from him to make it work.
If he's not willing to put in the effort to make it work, that's on him. If he has a careless attitude, he probably doesn't care as much as he should. Therefore you shouldn't care if he doesn't. Don't give 100% to someone giving you 80%.
All you can do is let him know that you aren't getting what you need and so you are breaking up with him. Ask him how he'd feel if it was you sneaking around and hanging out with or texting other men behind his back... its just not okay to be shady like that.
Its one thing if both people are aware of what's going on, its out in the open, and there is no deceiving. If he's truly doing nothing but talking why hide it? If he really wants you in his life and to be serious, he will put in the effort to gain your trust and keep the relationship going.
Do not feel guilty or second guess yourself for demanding what you need in a relationship. You can't just sit by and push your feelings to the side.1
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