We met when we were very young. He was 18 and I was 24. We split up early in the relationship due to both of our insecurities but we got back together soon after and had our first child. We fought often but nothing serious enough that we couldn't work things out. I had my second child whom died of SIDS. It was a horrible experience where the police did a full on investigation of the both of us and if I wanted to be with my daughter then I had to be apart from my partner. I went through blaming everything on him for a while but we ended up back together and soon after had 3 more children. He always reminds me of how I blamed him for the death of our second born even though I don't. I stopped having a lot of sex with him because I lost my drive. I was exhausted caring for the kids and depressed by the things we weren't dealing with but unable to have a real conversation about these things with him either because the tone of the conversation was usually rough. I even told him at one point to go find someone else to satisfy his needs because I couldn't. He was keeping his female friends a secret from me. I trust him and I wouldn't have had an issue with any of it if he would've just said 'here is my friend' but he didn't. He came home and told me he was leaving me because he didn't feel anything for me anymore but when I went to kiss him I could feel his jaw quiver. At the very thought of him leaving I got scared and became super horney all of the sudden. I don't know why NOW that he is leaving I get these sensations. He stayed for another week and we had the best sex. He made it clear that we were not making love. I told him I wasn't going to hold him prisoner and I'd support him 'taking space'. I dropped him off at his male friends house but he still calls. Mostly for the kids but he asks often how I'm doing. He told the kids we are on a time-out but he tells me he's not coming home. He is still financially helping out. What can I do to save us?
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it sounds to me like you guys really need therapy/relationship counseling. there are a lot of issues at work here but I think that deep down there is still a lot of love
the death of a child is almost always very traumatic for parents. it's hard to look at the other person and not be reminded of the experience even when on the surface you may be over the grief. and that grief and trauma can really seep into all aspects of the relationship.
again it does sound like there is still love between the two of you. I think a relationship counselor could help you two at least get to a place where you may be able to see if the relationship is salvageable and how to go about doing so0