How did I become Mr. Everything is wrong from Mr. Perfect Boyfriend with my ex girlfriend after 7 months?

I went out with my ex-girlfriend for just under one year. We were friends for about 3 months and got together on a holiday.

I loved her and treated her the best I could. Paid for everything and tried my best to manage her insecurities from her past and help her as much as I can. All this time she was telling me how happy she is with me and how much she loved me.

I have to say that the initial spark between was wasn't that strong as we were friends. It grew after

She wanted me to move in with her 6 months into the relationship. For me, it was a bit too fast as she had kids from her past relationship and she didn't like me going out without her. So I said I wanted to take abit of time before moving in.

Suddenly I am not the perfect boyfriend anymore. I did all I could but never good enough: not cleaning enough, not intuitive enough, not good in bed anymore, we have no spark, no future etc.

The list got longer and that did affect my confidence in myself and who I am.

I asked her regularly to tell me if there is anything I can do better and her answer would be I should know it all.

So we broke up. Basically she said I am not good enough for her. I am happier because I can breathe again, I did my best but her list of my imperfections did affect me.

I wondered how I could go suddenly from someone who is doing everything right and keeping her happy into someone who is totally wrong (I was doing the same attentive stuff and helping out as I did since I met her).

The only difference was I could not find a house to move in with her! Basically I was looking to buy. I now feel like I am the one who was in the wrong and this did kill my confidence in who I am.

I have a good job and I am very generous with my gf and always stayed faithful and loyal. My friends thought maybe I was too nice as I loved her.

Have you been there before? Now she is back to her happy self with common friends and maybe dating again while I am trying to recover


Most Helpful Girl

  • I know how u feel, my first boyfriend of 8 months dumped me saying it's not going to go anywhere and that I was getting obsessed with relationship (tho I still have no idea how i was obsessed) I love the guy, I thought I did things right. I tried to be caring, I bought him little stuff I know he likes (not that he ever got me anything lol), I do things for him. If he asked me to go to places with him, I will be there unless I got family engagements on the weekend (and he "joked" about needing a gf/two gf. My friends too say I am good to him. Though now I realize all the stupid stuff I said/did, especially bickering about things which I now realize are no big deal (though at that time I didn't think that way. and I realize it's prob because I started thinking he wasn't caring or appreciative tho I think I overread in things

    I guess since you didn't want to move in together when she asked, she wasn't very happy about it, she may said it's fine, but usually it sticks in one's mind. She subconsciously thought you may not be committed (at least as much as she wanted). Whenever things happened, she read it in a bad way. so everything you did becomes wrong. I think you did right by trying to talk to her about how to improve the relationship. It's her fault for not talking to you about it! you tried to but obviously she didn't . If she loved you and wanted to be with you, she would at least communicate to her about what's bothering her. I wish my ex has sat me down and talked to me about how I am overreading instead of just calling drama queen (it made me worse, tho I shd have seen it as warning). you really did the best you could

    After 8 months, I still feel like I'm the wrong one, that I am a crappy emotional gf. I met up with my ex one months after BU to get my stuff back, he asked how I was using my new "freedom". and I bet he is really happy now that he's free

    • i notice girls like to start shit when they think he doesn't care. instead of just coming out and saying "do you even care about me anymore? they're afraid of asking it not only because it's admitting your feelings but also because you fear rejection as well as you don't want to confront him. the easiest thing to do when you think he's starting to not care is just to simply show him you're not anymore. we need our space, even if you aren't.

      it's sort of like "even if you're having a bad day, you still have to smile" type thing. people don't want to be around a downer

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  • That happens to me too lol. It went from being a piece of shit and we broke up then 5 months later I was the greatest again hahahahaha and nothing changed at all. I still haven't figured it out and its been 5 years or so lol. I didn't take her back tho cuz that wasn't going to happen again. While we were dating I was building a business and wasn't making tons of money but ok. Then she just happens to show up when the business was going crazy...coincidentall I'm sure lol. It was kinda fun telling her to go piss up a rope from my new pickup lol.

  • she could have been trying to find things that were wrong. i have a friend, sort of kind of, well not really anymore (she moved) that would find the perfect man for her, but as soon as she realizes he's too perfect, she'll start looking for something wrong, just because she's afraid of getting hurt by something she thinks she may find in the future. also, you're young she probably just didn't want to get strapped down to early. probably wants to explore. you know what they say "if you love it, let it go"


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