Guys and girls, Are you friend with your exes?

Relationships starts, relationships finishes. At the end there is a question. Can we be friends anymore?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • To me relationships works like a string. It starts at some point where you are friends with them and then after time it could develop to a date. If somehow the bridge just has to be burn, it will be burnt. After a certain time (I call healing period) you might feel like talking to them again. So I would say yes, there is a chance that your ex could still be your friends.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Almost all guys know this instinctively, but most girls don't seem to (a few do), and this is:

    You should NEVER expect to be friends with someone you break up with if either side had real feelings for each other, and especially if one person still has feelings for the other. You CANNOT be friends in this situation. Some people can fake it, but it's almost always impossible to be genuine friends.

    If you were dating someone casually, and neither had strong feelings for the other, and you decide it just isn't "clicking", then, yes, you can probably be friends afterwards, but if deep feelings were involved, then forget it.

    I hear girls, especially younger girls, saying "why can't we still be friends?" The answer is: if there are unresolved feelings, on either side, those feelings will prevent any true friendship, because the person with feelings will either hate the other person, or will want more than a simple friendship from them, and either way, that's a no-go.

    You need to expect and accept that if you break up with someone (and there were feelings involved), that your relationship with that person is OVER FOREVER. There are rare exceptions to this, either because the people involved are super emotionally-mature or if the feelings were just never very deep, but you should never expect or count on that being true, because it's a rare exception, not the norm.

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    • I think I am that kind of exception. If a relationship finishes, it finishes. He isn't my bf anymore I can accept that.
      How can you get rid of a person that you share your life at that moment? You share beautiful moment's, your life goals , even you cry with him. Suddenly that is it? This really is nonsense to me. You think this is our own good. Let me decide my own good.

      I understand your point, there are some retards jerks, stalkers and crazy people out there. Gladly you can have nice people that you can be friends after breakup.

    • YOU may be okay with it, but that doesn't mean HE will be. Yes, exceptions do exist, but for the most part, guys don't want to be friends after a break-up, and even though many girls do, they often can't handle it either.

    • That is what I am saying. If he doesn't want I totally respect that. It should have been silly to force sth like that.

  • Not really. There's no beef in most cases. I've only had two serious girlfriends, one in late high school through early college, and my girl now. From about 20-28 I just went on a tear, haha, and just had girls I would hang out with for a while and we'd hook up, but there were never any serious feelings involved. I seemed to have a knack for finding girls that were in their last year of school, so there'd always be an expiration date on it. It'd probably last 2-3 months then they'd move away.

    I was friends with my first real deal girlfriend for a hot minute after we split up. We didn't talk for a few months, then she invited me to go play pool with her and her friend one night, who last I know of is now her husband and father of their two kids. He obviously liked her, and it was kind of funny, I was supposed to go to a party later, so she was like "can I come?" I said OK, and she had that poor sap drive us 45 minutes back to my apartment and then she sent him on his way, haha. She comes in my place, "hey, I just got my tongue pierced" gets dropped, yadda yadda yadda, we had belated breakup sex, then went to the party and we both were throwing game at other people. Weird night, haha. But after that I only saw her a couple times to sell her weed, then next thing you know she's pregnant and getting married. I didn't see her for a few years, then she walks into a Hollister Co. I used to work at, while I'm in the middle of gaming up this wicked hot coworker who I was on the verge of hooking up with. Right on time, Jenn, thanks. She was looking pretty rough post-baby, to be brutally honest, and I didn't even recognize her until like three minutes into the conversation if you can believe that. It actually almost blew it with the other girl because she probably thought I dated beat looking women. I had to bring in our prom picture to show her that she used to be hot, haha. Anyway, I talk to my mom, who was kind of close with my ex but she's also a hard 9 on...

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    • ...the crazy scale, haha. She says, "have you seen Jenn?" And I say, "oh man, she put on so much weight I don't even recognize her, the baby took a toll on her. She might weigh like 180 lbs." Obviously that's rude to say, but its in confidence to my mother, you know? So two days later I find a message on my answering machine (remember those things, haha) from Jenn saying "I DON'T weigh 180 pounds!!! *CLICK*" My fucking mom had called her, and said she had some clothes to send her, but didn't know if she'd fit in them, because I had called and said that. Thanks, mom. And her crazy ass to this day is like "what? That's what you said." Sold out by my own mom, haha, ain't that some shit. So there's beef there I guess. But all the other girls just kind of faded away. We'd be cool if I saw them again though, we usually ended on good terms.

    • You bring another scale now. Should get marry and give birth? Lol

  • HELL NO! I don't understand how some people can still be friends with their exes. If they can be civil and go about their own businesses then hey more power to them but not with my track record, that's like deadly situation. I'd rather leave them in the past because that is where they belong respectively. I tried though once just in case someone thinks I'm being one sided...that shit did not end well. She would harass the girl I was dating, my friends, my bro. Screw all that noise.

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  • There were a couple of girls that were no longer friends after the relationship ended. Others I remained friends with and things were fine. No drama, just a friend with meaning.

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  • Not when there are real feelings involved. At least, I can't do the whole friendship thing. I'm going through this right now. It's very tough. I don't get how I can be friends with someone I love and still have deep feelings for and have to watch guys hit on her and watch her get taken out on dates. It's too difficult of a process.

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  • Depends on the maturity of both parties on whether or not you can remain friends and be cordial to each other, when your younger chances are you are going to have the same group of friends and still run into each other. It's called a breakup for a reason, meaning that you both aren't quite compatible and it's time to go your separate ways, at first things are going to be awkward but as time progresses you should both get over things and there should be no reason, as to why there are hard feelings. I am friends now with all my exs from back in my younger years

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  • only one. I usually avoid that. there's no point.

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  • I don't have any exes or ex hook ups =/

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  • Facebook friends but other then that we don't hang out in real life or anything anymore.

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What Girls Said 6

  • I'm currently experiencing my very first relationship. We broke up briefly for like a week before we both realized we didn't want to live life without each other. However, when we were broken up, being friends was SO HARD. Traces of that girlfriend mentality hadn't disappeared yet. So when he would go out and get drunk, I couldn't help but feel worried that he was going to hook up with some girl. It would piss me off thinking of girls checking him out and hitting on him. He also admitted that he wouldn't be cool with me dating other guys. It's so easy to say "You aren't official anymore. You have no place or right to get upset" but it is much more difficult to act on that truth.

    Usually, I don't think exes can be friends anymore. It is very rare to be able to revert back to the boundaries of friendship once you have experienced someone so intimately; sexually and romantically. In the future, when they start seeing other people, it could make things uncomfortable for you and the new person in their life. There will probably always be an attraction there because clearly you were attracted to them physically then there was something about who they are that was attractive to you on a deeper level. So yeah...doesn't seem pretty realistic or healthy for most people, myself included.

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  • Depends.

    I've had mostly immature relationships with guys who are timid when they see me in public... but these ones I didn't have a deep relationship with... just early highschool stuff.

    The more serious... couple months-half year relationships, the guys have eventually contacted me (usually several months to a couple years later) telling me how cool I am.. sorry for treating me like that... wants to be friends...yada...yada yada.. but most of these are bad influences anyways.

    The really first relationship I was in for 2 years... I just lost feelings for him intimately because he treated me bad... it was really hard for both of us to remain friends because of our history, but after about a year we both pulled through and agreed to be there no matter what... for each other... just as friends because we still love each other as friends.

    The second really serious relationship I've been in... which has lately gone kind of sour... I'm debating. He was seriously my soul mate. Came here and shook things up... turned it all upside down... has been there for four years... tearing down walls and helping me patch them up. This guy will be very hard to be friends with if things don't work out but I will love him deeply no matter what. It will take me a very long time to talk to him without choking up and crying, but I would always be there for him.

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  • No, he doesn't want to be friends with me and I respect his decision. It wasn't a very bad breakup, I am the one who broke up with him because he took me for granted. He doesn't want to be friends with me because it will just hurt her more if he see me.

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  • Nope. The one was a huge jerk and the second one we lost contact after graduating.

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  • Only one of them because he isn't a creep like the rest

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  • I have been in several long term relationships. my last two relationships I haven't spoken to either of them since we broke up. I think when their are still feelings for the other person it's impossible to be friends with them. I wouldn't want to see my most recent exboyfriend out with another girl and I don't think he would want to see me out with another guy. If u have kids together then the rules are different. If u have the same group of friends my advice is to hangout with them when your exboyfriend/exgirlfriend isn't around unless you are both in a new relationship. some people would say it's immature not to be friends, but its much harder to do then u think.

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    • I can not say it is hard. It just depends on person. If it is hard , no need to push then. He is not last person in the planet to be friends, so.

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