Should I forgive my fiance for cheating?

I just recently found out that my fiance cheated on me. I've been feeling all sorts of emotions. I'm devastated, enraged, incredibly upset, i feel used, manipulated, disgusted... I could go on and on. He says it was just one time, but I don't believe that for a second. It's just that one time I found out, but I feel like there has to be more.

Especially since I caught him flirting with the girl he cheated on me with several times, months after the cheating occurred. I have also caught him flirting with other girls before, and have caught him in a ton of lies. He says he's so guilty and ashamed for what he did, but I don't think his behavior was that of a guilty conscience. We live together, and are engaged, but there are no children involved. So, do you believe that once a cheater, always a cheater? Or do you think that everyone deserves a second chance?
Updates:
A little update on my situation, I found out from some of his friends that he had actually cheated on me with 10 DIFFERENT GIRLS! He was having sex with these girls on the bed that I slept on every night next to him. Yup. I dumped the asshole.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There are two types of cheaters:

    - a person who succombs to temptation as a one-time thing, feels horribly guilty and wrong about it and confesses on their own, and understands the hurt he put his partner through.

    - selfish people who do what they want and are only "sorry" when they get caught. These people don't change; they continue to do what they want.

    Your fiancé seems pretty clearly in the latter group, and that being the case, you would be foolish to even stay in the relationship with him, much less marry him.

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What Guys Said 20

  • "Do you think that everyone deserves a second chance?" "I caught him flirting with the girl he cheated on me with several times, months after the cheating occurred."

    When you gave him a second chance, he flirted with that girl again. When you gave him a third chance, he flirted with that girl again. When you gave him a fourth chance...

    Stop prolonging this pattern of abuse. Dump him.

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  • Look you have to understand something he loves you very much he truly does, but... The sensation caused by sex is a physical sensation that overpowers him, and it's not his fault. Once you merry him you must please him the best, to ensure his body is aware that your the best sensation he can get it from. So just tell him that you forgive him and please him more. Giving up on him for something that's not his fault is low especially for someone like you. Don't loose something that could have been.

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    • Something that's not his fault? He chose to cheat on me so how is that not his fault haha.

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    • @christinalong338 Thank god for dudes like this, they make loyal guys like me actually look good every now and then. Ew doesn't even began to describe it. Asker, I think you should move on, you were dating, this guy obviously will never truly appreciate you...or maybe anyone.

    • I see that you haven't selected Most Helpful. Would you by any chance be willing to grant me with Most Helpful?

  • In my opinion, this is a betrayal beyond repair, and like you say, this is the only time you know of, and yes, if you forgive him once, he will assume you will forgive him again, although he will try and be a bit more discreet the next time, so no, I personally could not forgive this level of betrayal, x

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  • No you shouldn't forgive him.

    1. Cheated several times. (repeat offender)
    2. Multiple girls. (playboy, fickle)
    3. Apologized multiple times. (not sincere)
    4. You are used and manipulated. (not respected)
    5. He behaviour wasn't that of a guilty person. (empty words of apology)

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  • Everybody deserves a second chance, yet: did he not already use it? I'm all for second chances and stuff, but this does not sound like there's any chance at all.
    "Tidy up" inside you: How bad is the situation really? You have lots of feelings right now and they may obscure the actual severity of the issue. But maybe you're also just plain right and he's been playing all the time.

    I suggest to take a few days off and see how the two of you react to that.

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  • I absolutely believe that everyone deserves a second chance, and he can have it in a different relationship with a different girl. You however should think about yourself, what YOU deserve, and find a man that you can trust.

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  • I'm sorry emerald. I believe in second chances. How far did he go with her? Did he have sex with her? How did u find out. It all depends

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    • Well I found out by snooping though his text messages. I'm usually not the kind to snoop, but I just had this feeling, I KNEW something was going on. He didn't have sex with her (that time). But he was talking to his buddy about it, and he was saying how he wished the would have. He said they just made out, felt each other up, and that kind of stuff, but unfortunately it just didn't happen. Then his friend started giving him tips on how he could get her to sleep with him next time, and he said he would try them. Which is why I don't think it was just a one time thing, especially after catching him flirting with her (not to mention plenty of other girls), afterwards.

    • then you also know that his friends are horrible influences on your relationship. they will never have your back and therefore are untrustworthy too. IF and seriously IF this guy is worth it, this lady AND his friends who was encouraging cheating need to be GONE forever.

    • How could a guy do this right when he's engaged. So did u decide what ur going to do yet?

  • Don't forgive him, dump him. Or if he's a real douche, marry him, wait until he cheats again (he will), then divorce him and take his money. That should teach him a good lesson.

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  • Yeah, he's had all the chances he deserves. Dump him so you can move on.

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  • That's up to you. I wouldn't marry him if I were you.

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  • Forgive him, but break it off. It seems like it's part of who he is.

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  • Ah, i see you posting opinions often on this site. Never saw you post a question and then i see this. Well, you should know by now, that he's a pro cheater and this "habit" of his will never go away until he changes it himself.

    My advice: Leave him. He broke your trust. Trust is THE MOST IMPORTANT in a relationship. This trust has been violated. He breached an invisibly intangible contract. There's no love without trust. It might hurt right now, so cry as much as you want. You'll eventually get over him.

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  • you should forgive every human if you have power to do so

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  • that sucks. if he cheat once h will probably cheat twice

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  • I would walk, but how many times did he do it? my ex cheated, and I walked.

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    • Only once that he;s confessed to (because I found out and showed him the proof). I know there has to be more, but obviously he's not going to confess to them unless I have some sort of actual proof.

    • personally, Id bail...

    • I know what it feels like, and it hurts. I hate being in the dark about that crap

  • wow I guess speechless is all I can say

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  • Yes! Then cheat on him, and make him watch!

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  • um... fuck no!

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  • GET RID OF HIM! When it comes to cheating, I have a zero tolerance policy. He will do it again, and you will be back here in a few months or a couple years asking if you should get divorced or try to make the marriage work. Divorce is expensive. Cut your losses now and move on. Seriously.

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  • I don't think so. He's obviously not ready for marriage, and neither are you it seems. Call it off, and both mature for several years. Preferably with other people.

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What Girls Said 11

  • NO. you should never forgive a man who says he wants to be with you for the rest of his life, gets down on his knee and asks you to marry him and then turns around and throws it all away by cheating. he is an asshole. Once is enough.

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    • I should point out that the cheating that I found out of happened while we were still just dating. Although I do have my suspicions (rightfully so) that he might still be cheating now.

    • he cheated when you had the reasonable expectation of monogamy (after all, he was expecting it of you). he's very selfish. not only did he cheat, he also kept it a secret from you. let's count the crimes 1) being disloyal 2) being dishonest 3) being intentionally secretive 4) being untrustworthy 5) being two faced 6) risking your sexual health. did he come home after and tell you that he loved you? did he use protection? does he seem angry that you're upset? is he putting his ego before your feelings even after he shattered your entire relationship? i do not give cheaters second chances. i give them my trust, if they break it, the only thing i'll give them is a swift kick out the door.

  • The one time my ex cheated where he was caught he cried and said it was a one time slip up. Found out he'd been fucking with a handful of girls on a regular basis the whole time we were together. Dont believe him no matter how sorry he acts

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  • if you believe that it will happen again then you have to end the engagement. once a cheater always a cheater

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  • NO run like hell or you will end up like me. 34 and going through a divorce. 3 kids. He cheated before and after we were married multiple times. The last time was my best friend! RUN!

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  • Yeah of course he will do it again. He doesn't value staying faithful in a relationship. Sorry :( you deserve better

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  • Not in a million years. Unless you think it would feel better next time.

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  • That is up to you, but he doesn't sound like marriage material to me.

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  • Once a cheater, always a cheater.

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  • No ! Why would you marry someone who is a cheater

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  • Kick his sorry a$$ out move on & never look back.

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  • I would be done if I were you. You can't trust him, do you want to deal with the paranoia your whole life? That's not fair to you at all. He'll do it again and I think it's safe to say it's happened more than once, if he only confessed after you showed him proof. What was the proof by way?

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    • I was snooping through his text messages and found a conversation between him and his friend where they were talking about it. Like I said before, I'm usually not the one to snoop, but I just knew that something was going on and I needed to know.

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    • But of course now he's pulling the "I feel like I have no privacy" card on me.

    • What a dink. Basically you can translate that into, "I don't want you looking at my phone so that I can cheat on you again." I'm engaged too, getting married in September actually, and we just bought a house together in December . No kids for us, either. So, I can completely understand how walking away sounds terrible. I can tell you though, that if he cheated on me, I would never trust him again, I'd be resentful, and I couldn't love him the way a woman should love her husband. Which wouldn't be fair to either of us.

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