My dad is cheating on my mom!!! What to do?

I was snooping through my dads phone because I wanted to find out the details of my sister's party (this is her account) and instead the first message that I saw was 'I love you too, baby.' Or something like that. I can't quite remember.

Anyway I was immediately intrigued. I clicked on that conversation. All my eyes saw were 'I love you too' 'I miss seeing your face between your legs. 'We have all night to make love. Etc. and I saw that hey have travel plans for the 27 of this month. He told us that he was going away on business. And that is quite usual because he goes like 3 or 4 four times a year for material. He is a contractor.

Now I am not sure that he is going for work at all now. And I know that he knows that he is doing something wrong because they were talking about putting his name on the hotel room I case my mom calls to check on him. She usually does.

I just don't know what to do! I mean maybe he just wants sex but I don't know! He and my mom just had sex a few days ago! I know because they close their door late at night when they are having sex.

I don't know if I can forgive him! I am going to tell hi that I know about his affair when I am older. I know how serious this is. I feel like my heart is turning turning trying to rip itself out of my body! I can't tell my mom! I can't be the one to tell her!

Can you guys give me some ways to get her to see it without me having to physically talk to her?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This happened to me when I was 14. I held onto it for a year and a half until I just couldn't anymore. I was starting to be really mean to my dad all the time and my mom took notice. Finally I just got brave and said "I'm mad because I don't think he's totally faithful to you." She looked surprised, and then calm. That was the day I found out they were planning to divorce and waiting to tell my brother and I when we were ready.

    No guarantee that your mom knows about the affair, but it's not a secret you should have to hold on to. It tore me up inside.

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What Guys Said 7

  • You snooping through your dad's phone was wrong, regardless of the reason. What he is doing is far worse. But you can be that he will do everything to divert the conversation and the "guilt trip" to you snooping in his phone.

    How long ago they had sex has nothing to do with what he did or what you must do.

    At this point you have lost trust in him. I imagine you have told your sister, and she has therefor likely lost trust in him. Your mom may still trust him, but unless there is an overriding reason, that trust is sadly misplaced and abused.

    Possible overriding reasons: they may already be heading for divorce and she is aware of his affair (s) (even if she is still having sex with him). Or, they may have agreed to an "open" marriage. (Not something I think is right, but many people do and then it is known and is not "cheating".)

    But the elephant has escaped the cage and is now sitting in the middle of your living room. You can't just avoid it. I like the idea that people have put out of telling him he has to deal with it and if he does not in a timely manner, you go to your mom. When I say you, I am including your sister. This is a family thing and involves and affects all of you. I would make sure you have proof of what was in the conversation. I would suggest you get in there again, send a copy to yourself and your sister, and then delete the transmissions to yourself and your sister (but not the original). That would give you proof, and if it comes to it you can forward the actual message to your mom.

    As I said, this is for you and your sister. Hopefully, since she is the adult, she will take the lead and do the talking with you by her side.

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  • Little you can do would be considered wrong. You want your family. The only wrong person I see is your father and he may loose you and others over it.

    You don't have to tell anyone and get your message across, giving him an out. He is not thinking of the harm he is causing you but if he felt harm was coming his way, how would he act?

    Understand one thing, your father is not only cheating on your mother he is also cheating on you. It is your life your father is screwing with. Your family your mother, sister and your selfesteen.

    I will tell you how God feels about it, he says to stone your father and lover to death because the act of cheating is selfish and completely avoidable. Jesus says to forgive. Cheating is the worst thing a man can do to his family and as you described it, he is still having relations with your mother.

    I know what I would do and cannot tell you.

    Your fear is that your father will leave you and your mother.

    Tell your father you had a dream that something happened to him and he left you and your mom broke. Ask, then beg him to get life insurance.

    With your father, Speak to an insurance agent and obtain a blank form for a $500,000.00 life insurance policy. In front of your mother ask your father if he loves his family and to sign the policy. Tell your father that, "Some man in your dream said we might need it". Leave it at that. You were just told to ask him to sign and pay the first premium before his trip.

    Your father is going to press who told you this, you may infer you may have had a dream, the outcome is it will take the taste of the women out of his mouth.

    You can play this all day long. Make your concern about him and how some unknown person may hurt him for what he is doing.

    He will think.

    You are in a very difficult spot and I wish you all the best in the world.

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  • I would just tell your father that he gets to choose: either he tells her, or you will.

    Don't carry this around with you--it's not your fault, and you shouldn't have to suffer anymore than you already do.

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  • hmmmmm... call an emergency family meeting... OR you could talk to ur dad about this, there's clearly something wrong in the relationship...
    lulz, my mom actually doesn't care if my dad cheats on her... HAHAHAHHAH!!!

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  • Make him tell her. If he doesn't you tell her. If he does, make them go into counseling.

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  • not your business.

    you may be saving your mother, but making an enemy of your father.

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  • If it were me, I'd talk to my dad and tell him that I would tell my mom if he didn't first.

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What Girls Said 8

  • You really need to sit dad down, like the adult You Both Are, and tell him what you have discovered. And being that He is the One Who is having the affair, you are now considered the "monkey in the middle" of all this, and No----it is not for You to have to "physically talk to her." It's Up to dad to either do the right thing, or Later he will end up paying very heavy consequences with his own life and marriage. This "monkey around," no matter how you look at it, something has to give.
    You shouldn't Have to be "the one to tell mom" anything And-----dad needs a tough talking to. Tell him to handle things like the man of the house, and either break off his "love loins" with his cutesy doll, or break it off with Mom and call off a marriage of over 20 years. You tell him, under No Circumstances, are you going to stand by while you are "watching his face stuck between some hoe's legs," and Mom is sitting home, stupid as a stump, as he has his cake and eat it too.
    However, no matter what he decides to do, he can never be trusted again, for if he is doing it to mom, and does decide at one point to leave one day, he surely will have this following him. Perhaps this isn't even his "first affair," who really knows.
    Good luck.xx

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    • I am not an adult... So what should I do? This is my sister account!

    • One way or another, dad has to be told that the cat is now out of the bag.

  • talk to dad about it. if he doesn't tell her within a week, tell her yourself. dont be self-fish, someone has to tell her. dont be afraid of betraying him, he did the same to the two of you.

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  • I think you should confront your father first and see if he will end the affair and if not, you should make him confess to your mother.

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  • I would tell your mom , you have to , if not confront him

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  • I feel for you. I too would let you dad know, that you are aware of what he is doing and hopefully it will to him from continuing

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  • Everyone has pretty much given the same advice and it is true. The best thing you can do is tell your dad you know and he must tell your mom. Or you will. You might want to keep the texts as evidence though, or maybe get the number of this woman. You never know, he might deny the whole thing and then it's your word against his. It's so wrong, I'm sorry about your situation. It's so tough to deal with. But you can't let it go and hold it inside. It isn't fair to you or your mom. I would get some type of evidence though before you mention a word to him.

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    • Or since you know what hotel he will be in try to find a way to catch him in the act. He might be far but your mom could call the hotel phone instead of his cell phone. And pretend to be a worker at the hotel inviting him and his "lady guest" to a complimentary dinner or something?

  • i would tell him that i know and let him take care of it..if it comes up again i would out him.

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  • Somehow get her to find his phone, and let her stumble on it the way you did. Ask her, "hey can you go check dads phone for the details to the party?" or something

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