We broke up...I'm devastated and need advice!?

My situation is somewhat unique...my boyfriend and I were together for 2 years and lived together. The unique part is that he has 2 sons (14 and 11) and just finalized his divorce in October. We've been fighting a lot...I felt like he wasn't giving me enough attention and he felt that I was controlling and never really bonded with his sons or developed a relationship with them. He said he wants more of a family atmosphere. I feel like I tried but the kids are at a tough age to bond with. He told me flat out that he doesn't want to be with me and said he shouldn't date at all right now because he has to focus on his sons. He said if he does date again it will be with someone who can act like a mother figure for his children (even though they have a mother that is very involved in their lives). He also said I'm young and deserve someone who can give me attention and I can start a family with (I'm 33 and he's 40). What do you think? Any hope or should I just get over it? I really want to be with him and have our family back.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Do not wait around, he's been quite clear. And I mean this in the most gentle way possible- there was no family it sounds like, no family to want back.
    It IS hard dating someone with kids, and his divorce is only recently finalized. Not a good sign.
    But you should not allow yourself to be hurt by his comment- date someone that can act like a mother figure. That is not to say you weren't good at this.
    He is speaking LOUD and clear to you, plain as day, can't get more clear than what he has said.
    I know it hurts but you must put this behind you. It isn't you, it's the whole situation, and him only just now getting his divorce finalized in the past several months is a big red flag. He even told you now he is not ready, do not force something that cannot be. That's what I did and stuck it out with my own ex husband far too long.

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What Guys Said 1

  • As a guy, any woman with kids is untouchable. As a woman, you might feel differently.

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What Girls Said 1

  • It doesn't sound like things were going well and thats why it ended. You weren't right for each other. Dating a parent means accepting that you will never come first! The kids come first. This means their attention/time, and their needs, and often earning money to afford those needs. From what it sounds like he did not believe that you could understand that nor that you were capable of loving them the way that he needs his partner in life to love his children. Imagine having someone deathly important to you that your partner couldn't see the value in like you do. As a couple the people involved should be able to bond over what is most important to each other, and it doesn't sound like that was happening for the both of you.

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