Why would he ask me how my dating life is going right before he broke up with me?

We'd been dating about 2 months, and then he began to pull away after things got more serious. He expressed that he cared about me a great deal, and I said the same to him. Then suddenly, he pulled back. I never asked for exclusivity, by the way. We always understood we were still seeing other people.

Our last date was after a short break which I initiated. We had a great time. He asked me how my dating life was going.
I said I'd had some dates from time to time. He said the same was true for him.
Then he asked me if there was anyone "special". I replied no. He said the same was true for him.

At the end of the date, he said he didn't have feelings for me in the romantic sense, so he wanted to break things off. I was confused because things had been very romantic from the beginning, and he even expressed the fact that he was into monogamy and wasn't even crazy about the whole dating process.

He wants to "be in touch", but suggested we should take some time without contact before doing so. He didn't suggest we "just be friends" immediately following the break up, and I feel that was respectful of him.

QUESTIONS: Why did he ask how my dating life was going right before he broke up with me? Why the mixed signals? Is he scared and conflicted about his feelings for me and that's why he said he had NO feelings? Why did he suddenly decide to break things off? Is texting each other after a period of no contact a good idea? Why would he want to stay in touch to begin with?

He went through a painful divorce a few years ago and I think he may not be over his ex.

Thanks for reading this!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It seems that it's hard for him to break up with you as well.
    Though from the looks of it, he's found someone./

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    • What gives you the impression it could be another woman? Could it be fear or trust issues because he's been burned? Or do you agree with the some of the girls' comments that he may not think I'm into him, so he broke it off? Thanks for considering these questions.

    • Or maybe you are right, and he has found another person and I'm on the back burner. Maybe he asked if I had found anyone special to determine if he had a window of opportunity to see how things would go with the new chick knowing I'd probably still be available. Perhaps my best course of action now would be to make myself Unavailable when he decides to "check in". Ugh, maybe I should just buy some cats, learn to knit and become a spinster ;)

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What Guys Said 6

  • Sounds like he wanted to make sure you were not sitting at home moping about not being with him. So he asked you what you had been doing while you two were apart.

    Honestly he should have just said he wasn't into you or he found someone else, instead of getting your hopes up. I think Darkfairie17 is right on the money.

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  • He was fishing for compliments, he wanted you to choose him and he wanted to hear it.

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  • sounds like he was testing the waters to see if you were ready to be exclusive. you gave no indicator you wanted more. so he walked away before you hurt him

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  • people just eat your emotions and feelings are not likely to go very fast, you are certainly always nice to slow;)

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  • Maybe he felt guilty for leaving you alone.

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What Girls Said 19

  • He is a caring person and was concerned for ur well being, hence the reason he asked how ur dating life was going. He might've also been testing u to see where u stand in terms of a committed relationship. IMHO he wanted to be serious with u or pursue a monogamous relationship but u u let him know from the jump and with other dealings with him that u did not want to be tied to just one person. And since her was looking to become serious having an open relationship wasn't going to be something he wanted. He is not conflicted in his feelings for u, as a matter of fact hus feelings are probably terribly apparent and is confused why u dont see them also. Telling u he has no feelings for u could be hus way of safeguarding his emotions. Kind of willing himself not to become anymore attached to u. None of this has to do with his ex. From ur post u guys aren't on the same page as far as ur relationship. Texting him is fine, but dont be hurt if he's not receptive towards u. He might just avoid u all together so that he's not hurt anymore.
    He seems like a really decent guy. If u've developed or are developing strong feelings for him and ur willing to be with only him in a committed relationship u should tell him now. Communicate exactly how u are feeling. He knows what he wants. Do you?

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  • Hello, honestly none of us are mind readers - you may just have to be upfront and ask him. This of course may push him away or it may allow him to be honest with you! Either way you might get an answer.

    I'd say that maybe he's scared of committing but he likes you. Maybe right now he's not "ready" to commit for personal reasons.

    I care about my ex AND still talk to my ex. Sometimes I ask my ex if he would go after anyone else right now just out of curiosity and to see if he still loves me. I kind of "pry" I guess but he's alright with me doing that me and him have an open friendship like that.

    Honestly, this guy COULD have feelings for you but for whatever reason he's not ready to delve into them just yet. Why not use the power of prayer? Ask God to give you signs or to give you patience.

    I'd also suggest not trying to be a mind reader and asking him upfront. Also be honest with him in a kind and caring way. Tell him how you feel. If he's a good guy he'll appreciate it and listen.

    I hope the best for you I really do! God bless.

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  • Hmm strange one. I think for him to say he has no romantic feelings for you after 2 months is a clear sign for you to not waste any more time on him. I know it hurts if you had formed feelings for him, but be thankful this is happening now and not later, when those feelings could have been a lot stronger.
    I appreciate that he has gone through a divorce and yes he may be still affected by this, but you have a duty of care to your own life and feelings.
    Like you said, if he is not over his ex, he needs to take the time to get over her, before dating anyone else.
    But you must now move on from this guy.
    It isn't fair of him to keep you on a string and use you like a yo yo. I mean if he has said he clearly has no romantic feelings, what is the point in staying in touch, oh an after a period of no contact. I think this may be just a way to make it easy on you and he has no intention of contacting you.
    You're person and you deserve respect. Not this rubbish. Move on, find a nice man, who actually wants a relationship.

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    • Thank you thank you thank you ! Your answer is insightful and causes me to accept the situation for what it is. Most important, you remind me to respect myself and know that I deserve better.

    • You're welcome. Up until recently I thought dating would be a breeze and finding the right one would be easy. But its not its hard and sometimes can be really cruel. But Good Luck :)

  • I went through this. I want to be told straight out. So I asked him. He said frankly, I do not like sharing you with anyone else, but you apparently do. -we were also dating others, and I thought we weren't serious - but to him, we should of been.

    There was so many mixed signals and communication, that we had to end our relationship. He was hurt. I was hurt because I felt like you sound here. He wanted to be friends but said that it would hurt way too much, that he needed the space for awhile. Since then, it's been years, we haven't seen or spoken.

    He wanted you to himself. You didn't show it, and he didn't want what was going on - hence why he asked. Since his divorce, he is probably also, "punch drunk", my meaning in relationships when someone is scared to go a little further, when they just got out of a relationship, for someone they are being pulled to, like you. he's being pulled to you.. but you apparently, aren't feeling the same.

    If you are pulled to him and want him, fight for him. I wish I had.

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  • he has trust issues because you guys were dating and you were talking or going out with other guys and he wants someone to commit to him the way he wants to commit to a women no one is over heartache but we are all move past it hoping to find better i think his main problems are trust issues and getting hurt again and he probably we threw that in his divorce and looks at it as a sign and breaks it off when he feels that the relationship could end up the way his divorce is he probably lost feelings because he felt there was no feelings on your part especially if you were dating other guys while being with him or dating him and thats why he broke it off and he wants to stay in touch because he likes your personality and thinks your a good person to keep around in his life and I don't know i think he hopes that his feelings might change or that things could be different over time

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    • very insightful. thank-you.

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    • Oh, I was just reading this again. You mention that he needs me to commit and he lost feelings for me due to my seeing other people. I did write that we BOTH agreed to see other people from the beginning. I will add that I did just hint at wanting exclusivity once, and he said no, so I agreed to continue to see him casually. Does that make a difference in your answer? Also, why do you think he asked if I was seeing others and if anyone was special so soon before the break up. it was during the same date! Thanks for your extra consideration.

    • how do you hint at being exclusive?

  • it is hard to say. but maybe he wanted to be that special someone? sometimes guys can be stubborn and hesitate especially if they are afraid their ego is going to be crushed. maybe his feelings grew for you? I mean..he asked IF you have been dating anyone else and etc..so I honestly think he was hoping you would say no and that you think he is special to you. I am not sure as I do not know him...but it sounds like that. And, you mentioned that he didn't have a problem with being monogamous before so maybe he was hoping for that. It is really hard to say, but I would ask him about it.

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    • The guy is just not into her...there is no spark of attraction and he is out of there. He is doing the right thing instead of hanging around making her think that there is something when there isn't. This guy is a true gentleman and his actions should be applauded. He obviously didn't want to hurt her further by telling her that there was someone else. I bet if the tables were turned she would have told him that there was another guy. Ladies if there is one thing that you must know about men and that is we are not deceitful. We may be many other things but we can never be a bitch.

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    • I said it first :P hehe

    • i think he should have done it without the run around. nothing nice about that.

      you can be direct without being rude.

  • He asked if you were seeing someone "special", you replied no. Meaning he's not special for you. So he chose to break up.

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    • So, you think he was "testing" me by asking if I was seeing anyone special? I thought he was asking if I was seeing anyone ELSE that was special. UGH, now I feel like I really blew it just because I might have misinterpreted his question. Should I contact him and clear things up? He may never "check in" with me if he is under the wrong impression!

    • This is what I thought as well, that perhaps the someone special included him...
      Why have that convo first and then break up? If it's already decided, no need to discuss anything.

      Even by your text I still don't get if you like him or not, so maybe he's also confused, haha

    • If you like him then yes, try to clear things up with him, you have nothing to lose now !

  • He said it all... he's into monogamy which means he likes sleeping around with other girls while with someone, that's what monogamy is, i think he is just looking to have some fun and fool around nothing serious that's why he kept backing away because he doesn't want anything serious, i think he was hoping you would let him sleep with other girls while you were with him, rule number 1 of dating someone: Never go out with them when they are just divorced because it scared them out of commitment for a long long while and you'd be wasting your time.

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    • What the what? Either you have NO idea what the definition of "monogamy" actually is, or you are SO jaded that it makes me sad for you.

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    • You make some interesting points. However, I have never gotten the impression that I was just a booty call, as the kids say. We knew we were dating others, and I wasn't sleeping with anyone else. My instinct tells me he wasn't either. I think he is a good man, just very mixed up. By the way, dating more than one person at the same time prior to being exclusive is VERY common, especially with online dating. I have a friend in her 60's who said that's how dating was in her day. It's an efficient way to meet various people before settling in with one. Sort of a way to see what works for you. He was romantic, sincere and kind even during the break up. After reading everyone's thoughts, I think he DID like me but got scared. Lots of pain and trauma in past.IS possible he gets scared and backs away from every woman he dates. That point can help me stop wishing I hadn't said how I feel about him! I'm not the only woman who has done that, I bet, and gotten the same results.

    • Telling a guy too soon how we feel, yup, i never mention it even when guys insist on saying it and trying to get me to say it even after a month of dating lol, even scares me away... to me when officially state they "love me" or "like me a lot" i freak out and try to run lol, too soon. I've deleted a lot of guys because they treated me like i was psycho for not saying "i love you" after a month lol, just don't mention it to any guy you may date until they say it, guys like to chill more than us girls. If you show him you can be cool and just love spending tiem with them and not nesscarily trying badly to be all "offical" they will definitely fall in love with you lol, guys love drama free girls.

  • Sounds to me like he is looking for an excuse to not feel bad about breaking up with you basically. Even though you two weren't exclusive, you two were still seeing each other.

    I say forget about this dude. It sounds like he doesn't really want anything right now. He fled when it felt like it was getting too comfortable or more serious. In all fairness, you two were only together 2 months, long enough to develop feelings for sure, but if he isn't feeling with it, be appreciative that he let you know early on.

    The good thing is that you have other options. Hopefully you have other guys that are of potential to you. Even if they aren't, have fun. Go out and meet people, try not to worry about him too much.

    He is missing out on a great person!

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  • It looks like he found someone else, but is keeping you on the back burner if things don't go well with this other woman. Just say no.

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  • you said you initiated a break and saw other people. he probably didn't feel like you were that into him so he broke it off.

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  • Sounds like he wants to be friends

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  • Never Stay Friends with an Ex

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  • He probably didn't think u were that into him if you continued to want to date other people after he said he likes monogomy.. If u really liked him u'd wouldn't want to date other people and either would he.

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  • This is just weird all around. I can't see dating more than one person..

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  • Either he wanted a relationship with you or he was just keeping you as an option

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  • It sounds like he was looking for more from you, but didn't want to push you and that is why he was being so nonchalant about his feelings. When he determined you were not looking for anything serious he decided to move on. He asked you for no contact so he could have time to get over you.

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    • I agree with this answer 100%. I think he had feelings for you and was trying to see what you thought of him. He surmised that you didn't so he lied about not having feelings for you to protect himself from getting hurt.

    • I left out an important detail. During our breakup conversation, I told him if we were to continue dating casually, I would want to be exclusive eventually, if it felt right for both of us. I made it clear that I was into him and would like to be with him only. With this knew information, what do you think? Mainly why would he ask about my dating life before he broke things off and why did he break things off if he indeed was into me like many here surmise? Was it because he feared I was getting close and so was he? He has faced a lot of loss in his life, both family and romantic relationships. Also, how long should I wait to send him a text to "keep in touch" or should he do it first? Should I do it at all. I really DO like him, I wish I'd made that clear to all of you on here. I could see myself falling in love with him. I am very sad now. Advice is appreciated!

    • It is hard to say anything sure unless you were there and heard/seen the whole conversation, but I still think he was trying to get you to say you were ready to be exclusive right then and there. I know you said you talked about it , but maybe he was looking for a commitment right then. As for texting him, if you want to commit to him then I would reach out just once and let him know, but if he doesn't respond I would just let it go. If you are not ready to commit don't text him, let him make the first move.

  • He is testing you and your relt'p if where are you heading since both of you have some other dates from time to time..
    you didn't ask for exclusivity and he said he didn't have feelings for you in romantic sense.. It means, he is looking for romantic sense of relt'p and since he didn't felt that on you, he wanted to break things off...
    maybe if you have said that he is special and that you just wanna date him exclusively, he might think that you're in for romantic relt'p with him and maybe his feelings might change if he knew he's your one and only.. remember men by nature are jealous..

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