Communicating with your ex? Is it okay? Is this okay?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 1/2 years, we're even planning to move in together. 2 days ago I found out he and his ex girlfriend spoke a bit last week. I was hurt to angry to find this out. We had a HUGE fight and barely spoke until that night (fight happened in the morning). He told me he hit her up just to see how she was doing (ex has really bad and severe mental problems). He said he doesn't feel anything for her but was curious to see how she was doing. After he explained himself, I tried to be as understanding as possible. He told me he wants a future with me and is serious about me and his curiosity in this killed him. As angry as was, I can't help but believe him. This was really the first time he's ever done anything like that. I'm still pretty mad about it and now I feel like I can't trust him, even though he admitted to it. The ex knows about me and him and KNOWS we've been together longer then they were. I want to move on from this and want to trust him but I can't comprehend WHY this happened. I just don't understand and I want and am trying to move forward from this but it plays in my mind constantly. I just need advise and opinion...Am I wrong to feel like this? What should I do?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • your not wrong to feel hurt but you shouldn't let this affect you because you are with him he flat was honest didn't ignore the subject was truthful about what he did didn't lie to you but i don't believe his ex has mental problems she might have hurt him or wasn't really good for him but you are he wants a life with you don't let a girl from the past effect your future with him you don't wanna come off as that girl whose jealous or won't allow him to have girls as friends you gotta believe in what you have with your partner because no body knows your boyfriend like you do and him wanting u to move in with him or move in at all definitely sets the record straight he doesn't want to loose you and that he's trying to commit to you and no one else i would worry about now and not the past because its not like that girl texted him or wanted to talk to him clearly she has moved on and respects your guys relationship

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    • Thank you for the advise. Out of everyone I asked, yours definitely made me put things in perspective and made me feel better. I just don't want to worry about someone from the past interfering with what we have and I want to trust him and move forward from this. I'm really trying though but it is hard though I'm not going to lie.

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What Guys Said 3

  • No you're not wrong to be feeling like that. Actually you must be. Your boyfriend might be a little bored of you and wondered how she was doing.It a little confused me. If he say " She called me , I didn't" it's ok. But he agree that he called him. I think it's ok. 4 year is very long time to be together for a couple. I think you can give him a chance in this situation.Of course if you right this is the first time he did do this. You might not be aware of this he might have done this before.

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  • I honestly think your just being a tad bit insecure about the whole thing. It's a natural thing to say hello to your ex, not everyone ends on sour terms with their ex. I often check up on a few of my ex's, just to say hello and make sure their ok.
    Thirst are people that were very important in my life at one point and I genuinely cared about their future. I honestly do think your being silly, if this was the other way round this question would be flooded by people calling him a controlling boyfriend.

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  • Oh dear...
    I know exactly how you feel. You know why? Because I have almost the exact SAME problem with my gf! Few days ago I send her e message saying that I'm done with her after that with her ex (seriously they are in contact EVERY goddamn day! This is NOT OK!) and later that night she called me crying and whining ''please don't leave me! I love you!'' but she still talks with her ex and not even that! She demands from me to be ok with that. I could write a whole book about what a jerk her ex is, how many problems he caused her and us together in our relationship and my gf is so stupid she just don't want to dump him so we can leave happy together without the pain in the ass this jerk is causing!

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What Girls Said 2

  • He should have told you first but talking to an ex isn't such big deal. It still depends on the situation sure. I know that my boyfriend get along with some of his ex, he sometimes talk to them and I entirely trust him.

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  • I think you're overreacting. My ex and I still talk from time to time just to check up. We don't have feelings for one another at all, but we didn't end on horrible terms so there's no real reason to cut off all communication...

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