Can I file a restraining order against my ex if I initiated the physical altercation?

I've been posting here all week about a relationship gone sour (anonymously) im sorry to say it ended in a physical domestic dispute. i know a lot of people are going to say this was my fault but i really need help/support right now.

i dated a guy for a short period of time i got up the courage to ask the girl if he was dating her too...he was. we decided to meet up and confront him.

here is where im in the wrong: we went to his place of work, i asked him to come out, i showed him the girl..what i didn't expect was him to flip on me...he started telling this girl i was crazy & dont believe me. so clearly i thought i was his girlfriend & i was the side girl. all that aside he started talking crazily to me & i hit him in the face...once i hit him once i just kept heart was so broken because he really didn't treat me like a side girl & later retracted that i hitting him lead to him picking me up and throwing me down twice. there are marks all over me and my body in a lot of pain.

my question is: i know im in the wrong...but im also very afraid of what this guy is going to do to me..he is much bigger than I and he has already hurt me...I started it & i know its sexist to think he wouldn't hit a girl back & emotions are no excuse for physical abuse but i am SCARED.

legally i'm not trying to press charges i just want a file of I have that right? even though i hit him first? or will i just end up getting arrested when i tell the police what happened?
  • I can file a restraining order & not worry about being arrested
    Vote A
  • if i try to file a restraining order i will be arrested for hitting first
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ring up the police and ask then anonymously what your options are.

    I don't think you should bother though. He only became physical with you after you 1) Aggressively confronted him, 2) Became violent with him.

    Just leave it, if he harrasses/stalks you then go to the police. If you keep this going without reason then he probably will get nasty/ugly in retaliation. If a week has past and nothing's happened then I'd say you're in the clear.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • You're lucky he doesn't press charges. You have no right to press charges, but in this screwed up society, it might be possible.

    If you don't contact this person, I'm sure they will never contact you again. Why would he? He only became physical with you to stop you from physically assaulting him.

    You sound very focused on creating drama. Just forget about it and move on with your life.

    • after the fight we both spoke calmly i begged him not to contact me again he said how wrong he was & that he would...i blocked his number but im afraid of this dont care if he files either way id get a restraining order & that is all I someone i know would hurt me vs. me who has never been in a physical altercation in her life until today...i know i wa sin the wrong i stated that.

    • You're afraid of him? Why? He should be afraid of you.

  • Anyone who throws the first blow is guilty of battery which will result in arrest. Let it go.

  • Yes, if you can afford it

  • No, there's a severe chance that you will be arrested. You should think yourself lucky that he hasn't had you arrested already.

    Maybe 10 years ag, you would get away with that plan. But there have been some moves towards equality for men recently.

    My advice: avoid him, and thank God you haven't been arrested.

  • you will get arrested for starting it regardless. Was it in self defense is the million dollar question

    • he hadn't touch me yet but he was in my face and towering over me & yelling at me pushing me away all before i hit him

    • he pushed you away and got in your face, he started the altercation. You said he "pushed you" so there is your answer

  • Why is it that women say there is never and excuse for a man to hit a woman but when she gets emotionally wounded it's an adequate reason for her to start punching his face?

    You're lucky he didn't really hurt you, but if he does you will have had it coming.

    The hypocrisy and double standards of women need to end. I have no sympathy for you.


What Girls Said 1

  • I highly doubt you'll be able to file a restraining order. Restraining orders are generally reserved for cases of harassment over a period of time and/or where the filer is in danger.

    Even if you went to a doctor for your injuries and later tried to sue this guy for medical bills, your case would fall flat because you were the instigator.


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