Ex Gf forced me to block all contact from my female friend to get back with her, then dumped me a week later, how do i get my friend back?

Ok so me and my ex broke up, we were together for a year for a long time in our relationship she had a problem with my female friend. Me and the girl spoke maybe twice a week just over text nothing over the top like calls or meet ups in person i never actually met up with her just one on one ever and we had been friends for 2 years. I met the girl at my uni anyway she would cry over it and say why can't i just cut the girl off n stop speaking to her and i'm just like she is my friend. We end up breaking up over other things like her thinking eventhough i'm doing a law degree that i won't end up successful and i'm not driven and passionate enough for her so she wants to find a man who will be successful so he can pay for the whole household so she can stay at home and work part time but keep the money for herself.

We are both 20 by the way and at university so i don't know why she is thinking so far ahead anyway, so together for a year broke up for 3 months. We get back together but she says i have to block the girl if i want to be with her, it was either her or the girl. I do it and she pressures me into doing it in a cold way, i wanted to call the girl and talk to her she got upset and was like i should just text her a cold text like "you caused problems before so it's best we don't speak" and then block her. I did so because i wanted the best for our relationship. A week later she breaks up with me over her doubts again about my future success. How do i get my friend back, it's been a week since we broke up and me and my ex still speak as friends. I feel bad for cutting of my friend like that when it wasn't even worth it, i actually did it because i loved my gf and wanted us to work. Anyway should i call my friend, we never speak on the phone so it's not like we have loads of call convo's but i really wanna express how sorry i am for cutting her off like that and explain. Or should i text her like hey and see how she responds?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel sorry for you because you were manipulated more than once in that relationship. If a confident woman has insecurities about her man's relationship with another woman then there is some foundation for it but in your case your ex was just petty.

    But the real issue here is your friend. Personally i wouldn't take you back as my friend. You let a girl who proved herself to be petty, manipulative and self-seeking break up a friendship. I wouldn't be able to trust you not to do that again if i was your friend.

    If you want her friendship back a text message is not sufficient. You need to do this in person. Take her out for coffee or go for a walk, but the conversation you need to have with this girl has to be face to face. People can hide behind words in a text and things can be misconstrued if not said properly.

    If she accepts your apology you have to remember that things are not going to go back to normal immediately. You're going to have to regain her trust. Being friends with a woman is not like being friends with a man. She's always going to have doubts that her friendship means nothing to you until you can prove her wrong.

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    • Yup totally right i mean i allowed myself to be manipulated anyway i should have just not got back with her. I realised cutting of my friend was wrong, i mean we argued over it for like 6 months until we initially broke up the first time. I always knew she was being petty but just gave into her demands so we could be happy, wrong move.

      So how do i go about this? I won't spontaneously bump into her anytime soon, should i call her explain the situation then ask if she is free to meet up. Should i text her if she's free to meet up instead? Or should i just call her hash it all out on the phone and then maybe invite her out to hang out just to smooth things over.

      I mean she is my friend and she has a bf so i don't want to go overboard like buying her flowers etc lol i just want to make her understand so we can be friends again.

      What do you think?

    • I had a really great friend once. Best guy friend i ever had. We had an argument about the girl he was dating. I thought she was psychotic he basically told me i was just jealous. He stopped speaking to me and it got sort of ugly...to the point where i couldn't even be in the same room with him anymore. Lo and behold a year into the relationship the same thing i told him would happen happened. He never apologised for the mean and hurtful things he said to me and i have never been in the same room alone with him again. Don't let that be your friendship. So take my silly advice and apologise to the girl in person. Not by text message and not over the phone...IN PERSON. And just like you explained to us here on this site explain the situation to her. It's her choice whether she forgives you or not but if you don't do anything to show that you want your friend back then you're going to lose her completely before you know it. DONT PROCRASTINATE if this is something you're serious about.

Most Helpful Guy

  • No, you should explain all the toxic aspects of the relationship. She's probably heard similar stories. But you can't just pretend it all never happened.

    You won't get much of a reception with 'hey', that's for sure. She has a right to know why you sent her that kind of message.

    I'm sure once you explain she'll be ok with what you felt you HAD to do, and who knows what the future holds now for the two of you? Obviously there's an attraction there; your ex could sense it even though you tried to mimimize it.

    Never deal with a woman who wants you to 'qualify' financially; run the other way as soon as you get even a hint of that sort of woman. She will never be worth what she will ask of you.

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    • Well i would say there was a friendship there, not an attraction i mean i wasn't attracted to her, we were just good friends that's all.

      You know what i will just call her and explain it throughly if she wants to hang out again that's her call, if she need's time that's her call, if she never want's to speak to me again that's her call aswell. Just gotta be open and honest and see what comes from it, if she doesn't want to be friends i have to accept that as a product of my decision to cut her off in the first place anyway.

      Yeah to be honest do you think it's even being worth being friend's with this ex. I kind of operate on a "good luck with that" kinda thing like her mentality is stupid thinking men should qualify to be with her like she is something special, but as friends she makes me laugh i make her laugh and it's fun if we keep a healthy distance i guess she can keep all her wacko opinions to herself and her men.

      Good idea or bad?

    • So how did it work out? Or, DID it work out?

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What Girls Said 3

  • First be honest with yourself. Men and women can't be friends unless repulsed by one another physically. Your "friend" is not your friend. Your girlfriend was right to be jealous.

    Second, if you want this "friend" back, just call her up. Explain why you blocked her and tell her your girlfriend broke up with you. Explain to her you would break your interaction again, just the same, if you got a new girlfriend who asked this of you, but you like her company and would like to interact while single, or if your next girlfriend doesn't mind.

    If you have more courage than that, be even more honest and ask this "friend" out. Ask her to see if she would date you.

    Don't make up excuses, lie, apologize, or grovel. Just tell her the truth and let her decide if she wants to spend time with you, in whichever way you offer.

    And third, why do you keep getting together with a gold digger? Any honorable woman should be happy to know you're not a potato and that you love her and want to protect her. Money isn't important when choosing a partner. If you work together and dedicate to one another, there might be rich times, there might be poor times. But to threaten to leave you because you might not earn some salary she dreamed up?
    Get away from that gold digger! =O

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    • Not necessarily, i am not repulsed by her looks but then again i'm not physically attracted to her and i disagree my ex had a right to be jealous if the girl was calling my phone at night or if i was ditching her to hang out with this female friend, i did none of that and would have been more than happy to limit contact with a female friend if my gf felt threatened by me hanging out with the girl all the time, but that wasn't the case at all we just texted a couple times a week to be honest my ex gf had no legit reason to be upset.

      She has a bf by the way so i wouldn't really ask her out even if she single she is just a friend to me personally. So do you reckon just texting her is wrong, i should just give her a call out of the blue, i fear that will be awkward though. Should we meet up by the way or is that too over the top?

      Hahah completely right she is the epitome of gold digger, glad to be free to find better women to be honest.

      Thanks for the advice by the way!

    • Your partners can't know how you feel about the person. You may say you don't find them attractive, but they are of the opposite sex and you desire their company.
      Maybe you're the rare one in a million man who truly wants a female friend, instead of just having a back up girl to date. That's ok. But keep in mind her boyfriend will not believe that you just want her as a friend, the same way your girlfriend didn't.

      You will strain her relationship with her boyfriend. If she cares about him that is. He will complain and she will act like you did and ditch you. But if she doesn't care that much, or believes in standing up to him and having male friends, you'll have her company if you want it.

      Whether it's ok is all up to you. So you gotta contact her first.

  • Wowww it's a good thing you aren't with your gf anymore. Can you imagine being married to her and instead of breaking up, she divorced you? It could have been a lot worse. Bad things usually happen for a good reason haha. But to answer your question, just explain everything to her in an email, in case she doesn't want to talk to you. For future reference, don't get back with your gf.

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  • Just explain it to her and that you never really wanted to do it but your heart was guiding you and you made a bad judgement call. Ask her to lunch. Ever consider maybe being with that friend? As much as you care?

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    • Well this friend has a bf and even if she was single i still just consider her just a friend to be honest.

      Explain to her over the phone or by text, i could send her a really long text apologising but i don't want to grovel and seem desperate at the end of the day i just want her to understand so we can be friends again.

      I mean i think if a female friend cut me off for her bf and then wanted to re connect again i would be more than happy to.

      So call or text! Or text and then see how she responds and then meet up in person?

    • Call if no answer or call back. Text

What Guys Said 4

  • I was in a somewhat same position where one of my friends of 18 years hated my ex and he said he was not proud I was going back to her after what she did to me, but you know the saying, "You can't help who you fall in love with."

    That whole "Bros before hoe's" bit is overrated. I wasn't going to choice my relationship over my friends or vice versa. So I simply said I wouldn't involve him in my relationship affairs.

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    • To be honest friend's only really have your best interest's at heart, when a friend tell's you a girl is no good it usually is because she isn't

      Yeah i agree you can't help who you fall in love with your friend shouldn't have tried to control your decision he should have just given his opinion and left it as that.

      But in this current situation what do you think? Should i text the girl i cut off for my gf or call the girl? Should i arrange a meet up with the girl, what do you think?

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    • Your over thinking this. She's your friend. Call her up and tell her your sorry and explain why u did it. Take her out and have some fun. Meeting her after you explain everything is so you can prove to her how sorry you are. She will probably need time before she agrees to hang out with you thou

    • Totally right i'm just gunna call her up and apologise not much else i can do really.

      I'm just overthinking it like what will i say how will i act but to be honest it's not that difficult it should all come naturally and we will see from there. Hopefully we can meet up have fun and put this all behind us! Yeah totally right i'll probz wait for her to intiate it so that she is fully comfortable

  • Wtf.. you stopped being friends with a girl because your g/f threatened not to get back with you? Be friends with whoever you like as long as it's just friends don't listen to the bunny boiler, open the door and show her the exit !

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    • Totally agree wish i realised this sooner, it totally wasn't worth it. I mean getting back with someone whose first request is for you to block and cut off and friend who has done nothing to her is just a recipe for disaster.

      Ah well it's done now, me and my ex both know being together will never work so i guess we can just focus on being friends.

      How do i get my female friend back though. Should i text her hey and see how she responds, if she replies then say i wanna meet up to talk. Or should i just call her randomly out of the blue and just apologise over the phone and see how she takes it?

      She seems like a pretty cool person but to be honest i have no idea how she would react to either of these scenario's. Which do you think is best.

      I think the best scenario would be bumping into her alone and just talking in person but if i waited for that to happen i would be waiting for probably a year.

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    • In person if you can

    • Thanks a lot for the advice!

  • Wtf? Where's the keep back up rule there bro? And I don't think she's going to want you as friend anymore. And if you wanna do it, Do it in person because shed ignore the texts

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    • What's the keep the back up rule? How can i do it in person, if i wait until i spontaneously bump into her i could be waiting for months.

      Should i call her then if she will ignore the texts? Would that be the best thing?

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    • Yea coffee idea is good

    • Ok thanks a lot for the advice will keep you updated on how it goes!

  • one rule i do to the best of my abilities to follow is :
    noone can tell me who i can and cannot be friends with , and vice versa.

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