My ex was stunning. She can get any man she wants and men are always men queuing up for her. She was quite insecure from her past (bad boyfriends) so used to control me all the time (not allowed to see my friends, go out even as a couple etc). She managed to find fault with me even though I was trying my best for her. Maybe I was too soft/nice type for her.
I spent the last 2/3 mths re-building my lost confidence – partying with friends, gym, new hobbies and new clothes (the text book stuff). People can see that I am becoming happier and also how I changed positively – losing weight, more confident in who I am, making silly jokes again like I used to and more female friends. Dated a girl or two but realised that I am still not ready but I felt good.
She suddenly contacted me and asked how I am. I used to tell her all my good news so old habits kicked in (weight, promotion, buying a new house etc). I asked her how she was. She hated me going out with my friends so I kept my social low key.
At the end, I said hopefully we can be friends in time. She said ‘not sure about it’ and said how she thinks my lifestyle is strange because I am now building a base around temporary people (most new friends I made are students and young graduates who will move away in time) instead of old friends (who are now married etc) so I will be lonely. When I mentioned how I am focusing myself, losing weight and keeping busy etc. she called me Egocentric and saying I am loving myself too much and trying to prove that I am dealing with the past (which I wasn’t). She asked me if I think about our past and I said at times and I think it’s normal as I am still healing. She didn’t like that answer and got mean.
Most Helpful Girl
I think she's unhappy and insecure. She doesn't want to be forgotten that's why she contacts you. She would rather hear how bad you are doing in life 'cause that makes her feel better about herself. She wants you to say you miss her and that you want her back to gain confident. This is probably the same reason why she always gets back with her "old flame".
She needs to work on herself too before throwing herself in a relationship again and again.
Just one good advice that i can give you.
DON'T GET BACK WITH HER!
You're doing really good now! Keep meeting new people, stay active. Just make sure you're never just laying down or else you will think about the past again.
Most Helpful Guy
Some people are plain mean and it is possible she realises that she has lost something special. However, her controlling behaviour is a concern. it could just be that she wants to make your life miserable while she enjoys hers or perhaps she likes making trouble and having things her way. What you are doing is correct, focus on yourself and heal and do what YOU find is comfortable, not what your ex thinks is good for you.
Sometimes it comes down to plain old jealousy. If you feel that she is putting you down and hampering your healing, limit contact with her till you are comfortable. It may push her more away but just as you have said, she was the one who ended the relationship with you. It is unfair on yourself if she dictates what you should be doing. It is not egocentric to heal yourself by gaining your self confidence back.
Sometimes we need to remember that we open ourselves and make ourselves extremely vunerable when we are in relationships and people can take advantage of that. Do what makes you happy, be friends with those who care and deal with the past but make sure it never becomes your present.
Good luck in your endeavours!