Dating as a woman vs Dating as a man. You thought you had it bad! (Page 2)
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What a load of shit "we have no choice but to wait". I don't know any man who views a woman as desperate for simply approaching them. They will view a woman as desperate in the same manner as a woman will view a man as desperate. So if you are coming off as desperate, ask yourself what Characteristics a desperate man has. Now ask yourself, do I have any of these Characteristics? The fact that woman approach does not make them desperate. The way a woman does approach will determine if she comes off as desperate. I've had a woman beg. Was she desperate for approaching , no. Was she desperate in the way she approached, yes. Same goes for men.
You say we get to choose who we end up with. That may be somewhat true. But have you ever considered that you might be our 5th or 6th choice. Just as you put it "wait and hope someone worthwhile comes up to you". Very rarely do we get our first or even second choice. We will have to settle somewhat.
All this sounds like a bunch of dribble.
This does seem harsh... good thing I have no 'relation' to the 'dating world' - not sure if it's really a 'good thing'. Guys get pretty intimidated by me. They're always there for me n all, they give pretty clear signs they're interested. But, they don't get the courage to ask me out or anything. In my high school years, only one dude found the courage to do so but, unfortunately, he was a douche. Thats how lucky I am. ^^
I understood the situations you've been in, but I can't say I know where you're coming from :/.
If they are intimidated by you, why not ask them out?
Would you mind if I ask you a thought experiment?
I'm not that much of a fan of dating anyway. I'm meh towards it. But it wouldn't hurt if I went out with someone who asked me out.
@Bluemax
They aren't intimidated they want you to think that do they don't have to ask you out, or do you could on there team of girls who like them... When guys truly like a girl they will ask her
Why don't you like dating? There is nothing better in life than dating or being in a relationship
why would guys be intimidated of opinion owner- she's not that pretty.
I dunno @alisenn9922
Don't judge anyone before actually meeting them :)
You do realise, In literally every single specie of animal on the planet, The female is the one who choses the mate, Literally watch any nature documentary.
Humans are no exception.
In Nature, Humans too, Women just have to ''Be there''. Its the mans responsibility to impress them enough to be chosen, Whether that be by having wealth, Having good looks, Or being powerful.
(Why do you think the term ''Alpha male'' exists? Look at.. I don't know.. Lions for instance, The strongest lion gets to mate, Now look at humans, It works the same (From a physical attraction point of view).
Women literally hold 99% of the power in commencing a relationship. Notice all the requirements you and other women have for your men, Now what is a guys requirements? Oh yeah.. Someone who isn't a bitch and will have sex with him... Not exactly hard to achieve.
"Someone who isn't a bitch and will have sex with him... Not exactly hard to achieve"
then there are the guys who tack on impossible beauty standards.
Not all guys will, but a lot (if not most) are like that.
Obviously guys are going to want to date someone they are attracted to. Women are like that, too. (Captain Obvious, I know). But if you look in any magazine you see the type of women guys are attracted to, and it's very hard (near impossible), to look like that (photoshop, editing, etc). A lot of that is self-inflicted, but it's become the societal norm. I've never been a super skinny girl (mostly average in every way). I'm not considered ugly by most people's standards. But I've been looked over my entire life by guys, mostly because they want the "super hot chick" with the really big boobs and the huge butt and the tiny waist and the big boobs. I've seen friends starve themselves trying to look that way.
The issue is just are relevant for men. Look at any male model...
But I guess the point I'm trying to make is that guy's have more standards than just "someone who isn't a bitch and will have sex with him".
Beauty standards are a huge one. Then there's certain personality traits that guys want. And god forbid if a girl is "clingy", aka wants to hang out with you or at the very least talk to you once a day.
And I don't want to be misunderstood so I'd like to explain the fact that guys are not to blame for the high beauty standard. A huge part of that falls back on women who continue to let the magazines rule what society thinks beauty should be. If women didn't strive to look like that, I don't think guys would have as high of a standard and want those very specific looking women.
And women are just as bad as men on that regard. I've never personally cared about physique, but there are so many shallow people that only care about the rocking hot, looks like you're on steroids, bod (which I've never been attracted to. I'd rather cuddle up to someone softer). I wish people didn't care so much about appearance, but that won't change.
You know @Mekkalyn , The overwehleming majority of people who go into fashion etc. are female. And of the males who do, the Majority of them are homosexual etc and act feminine.
The people who make these high beauty standards for women, Are extremely beautiful women.. Not men. All it takes is one good looking women to write in a big newspaper ''Hey everyone, You should look more like me!'' for every single girl to feel innadequate and try and change herself.
Women are putting beauty standards on themselves, And when that happens, All the girls start to get the mentality ''Men are pigs for only finding girls like that attractive'' (Cough *Feminism* Cough), When, The fact of the matter is, We have fuck all do to with it, And care far fucking less about looks then girls may think.
Our biological purpose is to reproduce. All a girl needs for that, Is a nuturing personality, Boobs and a working vagina.
Men need character, Muscle (to.. ''Provide'') and a working dick.
I did address that, yes beauty standards are brought on by women, but more than half the men I've talked to agree with it and like those types. But it's the fault of women, definitely.
And guys need much more than just that for a serious/marriage type relationship. You can't just date any random girl with those traits and be happy. I'd like to think guys are more multidimensional, perhaps :)
"As a woman, to have to wait and hope someone worthwhile comes up to you,"
That's your own damn fault. Don't complain about something you're doing to yourself.
" It is widely viewed that a woman seems 'masculine' and 'desperate' if they persue a man with half the fervor that a man will pursue a woman."
the only people who say this are you. You are creating a fake lie out of thin air so you don't have to approach. NO ONE IS ACTUALLY SAYING THIS. Again every single one of your issues is your own fault. You're just too immature to take responsibility for your own insecurities. You'll never find a good man as long as you have this outlook. No one deserves to have a good relationship. You have to work for it. If you refuse to work for it (like what you're doing) then don't complain. You are never going to find a good man because this is how you see the world.
Do us a favor and stay away from men. We don't want your rhetoric being passed onto the next generation.
There are people who view women as approaching to be masculine. Its called common sense. I've talked to peolle in both genders who feel that way.
I've approached guys, it doesn't work. .. They float off with less attractive girls whom they approached and did everything else for
@CaliforniaMe "They float off with less attractive girls"
I don't think you approaching was the issue. You being full of yourself was.
@RationalLioness It's common sense to call girls who approach masculine? Wow... People like you ruin dating for the rest of us. Guys and girls. It's people like you that make girls so afraid to approach a nice guy they like because they are afraid they'll be judged the exact way you judge people. Basically my last sentence from my initial post goes double for you. smh
Let me do you a favor and include a tl:dr for those too lazy to read
tl;dr- men have it way easier in dating because they can chose. Women can't face the consequences of approaching so they're stuck with all the options they're given when it comes to guys. Sometimes these are not good but they still don't want to deal with the pressure of approaching. QQ men have it so easy; QQ it's so hard being a woman, so unfair.
disclaimer* as you can probably tell from the flow of mytake (or more precisely lack there of), I spent the majority of time looking for pictures to make it look KEWL, hence my grammar and spelling have suffered horrifically.
There, you're welcome.
But as a woman you have the luxury of waiting for guys to come up to you OR going up to guys yourself. That is the key with this problem, as a guy if I sit on a couch at a party I'll be lucky if a guy comes up to talk to me, let alone a girl. If a girl sits on that same couch though, at the same party, alone, I guarantee a guy will go sit next to her within 5 minutes. So as a guy if I want to get into a relationship, the only thing I can do is ask women out, I can't wait for a girl to approach me because its not going to happen. You can both wait for a guy to approach you, or approach the guy yourself. I didn't read past the part where you started that story because it was too long and I didn't care, but my guess is that its based off of one bad experience that you are more then likely responsible for.
Here is what is frustrating. Men respond to things logically. And not saying women don't BC the majority you do too, but a lot of the time its emotional REACTION. there's a difference. Like when you made out with a guy BC the guy u wanted to choose you didn't. You made an emotional reaction BC u were upset. And you think its hard to sift through guys... I get it it must suck to have a bunch of weirdos on the hunt, but its 100x more frustrating as a guy to feel easily replaced. You have another guy waiting for you if you leave ur guy friend, while he has to deal with the emotional strain of feeling inadequate and then wait for months to WANT to talk to a girl again and then struggle to get the girl to choose you again only for the cylce to repeat.
You can pursue a man. It's not desperate of you to do so. Regardless of our gender, if we want something we have to chase after it. We can't complain about getting the short end of the stick when we are afraid to put ourselves out there. If you aren't happy then do something about it and be proactive. This goes for everyone.
i agree !
@COCOCHANEL I'm glad you agree. Cute new pic by the way.
thankz ♡
So why do you have to wait for a guy? Every one of my girlfriends approached me. They didn't all just come up and ask me out (only a few did that) but they all just made sure they had my attention, often very blatantly. We both knew what was going on, well I only did after the first few times.
If you see a guy you'd like to know better go up and get right in his space, if you don't some other women will. Otherwise you are only going to have the choice of the guys bolder women don't want, no matter how attractive you are.
Exactly, women who like you will ACTUALLY help you.
I'm sorry, but the quote "You chose them?" Seems offensive. We have it a lot harder trust me. We see in black and white and we don't always see those little hints. You can just say no, and especially for people like me, that's like a kick in the balls. You left out one thing. You wait
You don't have to muster up any courage
You can say no
You can kick us in the balls, literally, and we can't do anything but go and try to find another girl who matches our standards. For me that's that they are smart, I like glasses but they aren't needed, I like people who are a little shg but not too much. And you wanna know what
Almost every girl in my school has had a boyfriend and barely and guys HAVEN'T had girlfriends. I have never had a girlfriend. I'm shy and I try so very hard
Question maker, Check out Your question reminds me of this story, if you haven't heard about it, check out the link here:
https://youtu.be/Ip7kP_dd6LUIt's about a lesbian feminist who posed as a guy for a couple months. She said it was shocking how women viewed/treated her when she was a guy, compared to how her relationship with women were when she was a lesbian (not pretending to be a guy).
When describing a woman she approached "She was just emblazoned with hostility." Yes that it quite typical lol.
I find it hilarious that she finds out "Not many women have interest in the soft, vulnerable man." NO SHIT SHERLOCK!
If you want to have more say in the sort of guys you interact with, you'll have to suck it up and approach them. Any guy who is worth your time won't see you as 'desperate', he'll be happy that you bucked the trend and talked to him, and flattered that he was attractive enough that you were prepared to do so.
The problem, is of course, other women. I have a quote on my profile that says that women are so scared of how they'll be perceived by other women that they would rather be miserable than thought badly of. You're a prime example of this.
Why should anyone except you do something about your situation? If you want out of it, pull yourself out of it.
I was actually keen on reading this when I saw the title. You know the myTakes and questions from bitter "nice guys"? This is exactly what this is but coming from a woman instead. Both men and women have different hardships when dating, unless you've experienced both ways then you can't say who has it harder. I never used to approach men, because I was shy and afraid of rejection. I can tell you for a fact that every guy I have approached has appreciated it in some way or form, none of them have been intimidated or emasculated to my knowledge. There's nothing wrong with going out and getting what you want, there's no point sitting around batting your eyelashes when you can do something about it!
"It is widely viewed that a woman seems 'masculine' and 'desperate' if they persue a man with half the fervor that a man will pursue a woman."
I don't know a single guy who actually thinks this. Mostly it's girls who think this. Just my experience.
No one's forcing you to sit back and wait, so just go for it.
This! So fucking much, this!
You can initiate with guys. A guy may think you're a slut, masculine or some other negative descriptor, but there are many guys that would not only be open to your approach, they would embrace it. As a guy we may deal with similar negative reception. You've heard of the term creep right? Lol.
Also you don't really know if he got love or the extent of their relationships fulfillment. Based on the way she judged you negatively, I bet there's a good chance they have or will have some issues.
The only difficult thing about dating whilst being a woman is that the older you get, the harder it gets. Unlike for a man, who often dates people younger than himself as opposed to older such as for women. That is the only thing. Therefore, everything you've mentioned is a complete biased lie.
Perfectly accurate.
Men appreciate, women depreciate.
That's the only cookie we get.
It's also why I'm looking for someone 16-22 and not even slightly ashamed.
You never have to worry about money, ever. A man wouldn't care about dating a woman who lived with her parents, had no car or no job. But a guy in that situation would be single forever.
It's always been harder for us because we have to support ourselves and a woman at the same time.
I'd rather be rich and single then have to pay for one more woman's expensive dinner.
:(I see, but it is a little easier for you to make monwy and get promoted... you have the highest paying industires..
I think that mght make men feel objectified in that way, but its the same with beauty for women. On the other hand, women who are unnactractive, tend to have that issue and get picked on from all sides of society no matter how much money they make:( poor and unnactrive is a terrible combination for a woman (because it cost money to eat healthily, get maincures, pedicures, face treatments, but I understand.
Its biological if you think about it, women must be pretty to continue the human race and men must be strong or wealthy to protect the family...
i wish there was a wider variety of pretty for women
Men don't randomly 'have the highest paying industries'
Men pick whatever industry pays best even if they don't like it as much, because they are judged so much by their income.
So really, women pick whatever industries they like, and then men get bribed to take the leftovers.
Most of the male answers-per usual in my experience-are retarded. In essence, I have met both wo/men who state that a woman approaching a man is unbecoming and masculine.
... but who cares about what those people think?
I understand your situation and i know that you know both sides have their challenges, but you have the option to approach and be more successful than men (I woupd believe). Then again, you can't stop a guy treating you like a piece of meat more than a guy can have a woman be interested in him when he approaches.
I propose that you approach your guys. I dont do it not because of rejection or cowardice, but because if I have to approach a guy first, its an instant turn off and I become unattracted.
I lose interest to, when I have to do the work because I myself feel masculine
And that is what YOU feel. Nothing wrong with that. I can approach a lot of guys. But if I have to, the fact that I had to perform such an action is what turns me off about them.
That's pretty asymmetrical. What's symmetrical is I feel the same way. And I don't give a shit about the standards of olde.
@CaliforniaMe That's interesting to me since I find when I ask a woman out I feel like I'm being more feminine. I think it is because I have to actually talk about and state my feeling as well as letting down my guard to the possibility of being rejected. Really it is one of the very few times I feel vulnerable, that and public speaking.
I am sorry about what happened to you, but would you really care if someone called you too masculine if you tried to go up to a guy and make a move? No, I think depending on the guy he will find it surprising and little bit sexy.
Completely true. This "men don't want women to be masculine" shit comes completely from women. Not just women, but WEAK, COWARDLY women. It's used as an excuse for their own shitty behavior.
Here's my calculus:
Literally EVERYTHING you're capable of doing (however masculine-seeming) is something that will increase our children's chances for survival. End of story.
Why don't you try asking a man out?
I generally don't get into who has it worse debates. I'm not denying your problems, but you do seem to dismiss the difficulties others face.
You're quite right that most men choose who they ask out. They don't choose how the woman will react, however. Sometimes the way they react, even when boundaries are respected, is quite ugly.