Dating

Why Confidence Is So Hard To Get

Punkin45

Why Confidence Is So Hard To Get


We've all heard it a dozen times: Confidence is attractive. Confidence is sexy. You need to be confident to attract somebody.


However, confidence isn't easy to come by. If it was, everyone would have it and we'd all be dating like maniacs, right? So what is the problem?


1. Confidence comes from knowing who you are.


Let's face it, most of us don't even know who we are when we're first dipping our insecure toes into the dating pool. In fact, the process of going out into the world, including dating, is how we learn who we are. The experiences that happen to us when we leave home are what help define us as people, because they teach us about ourselves.


2. Confidence comes from knowing what you want.


See #1. You can't know what you want until you understand who you are. You also can't know what you want until you've encountered a bunch of stuff that you DON'T want. It's like going to the store to buy fruit. You walk through the produce section and think, "Man, I really don't want grapefruit or those bruised bananas, and I'm not a fan of hard apples. So I think I'll try some Macintosh." Then you take some home and realize the Macintosh are mushy and wish you'd gotten something else.That's how you learn what you want. Dating is the same way.


3. Confidence comes from experience.


See #1 and #2. But how can you get the confidence that comes from experience, when you don't have the confidence to even get experience in first place?




So what's the solution?


I can think of four things to do, and I'm sure other people to come up with more.


1. Start small.


Set small goals for yourself in terms of being more sociable or accomplishing something that you've always wanted to do. Then increase that goal a little bit more so that you're creating confidence over time.


2. Spend some time thinking about what you really want in a dating partner.


What qualities are important to you? What are signals that a person isn't right for you? If you can narrow down some criteria and focus on people who meet those criteria, including common interests, you're much more likely to be successful.


3. Fake it.


This is one situation in life where it's actually good to pretend. I tried this once when I was in college. I decided I was going to act like I was a siren and go up to a guy I liked and talk to him. He asked me out and we dated for the summer. It blew my mind because he was the kind of guy that I would never have imagined would go out with me.


4. Whenever you feel like you have nothing to offer somebody, remember that 99% of the people around you feel exactly the same way.


By going up and talking to them, you are clearing the way. Somebody's gotta break the ice. So why not just be the one?


If they're not interested, that's fine. Just move on to the next situation. It's not personal, even though it feels personal. It's just dating. We're all testing the waters trying to find a match.

Why Confidence Is So Hard To Get
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