I had just graduated college and was living with my boyfriend of 1 year. We had our share of problems, and like every couple we fought. But at the end of the day, I thought our "rough" patch would one day just disappear, which in hindsight was naive.
It was my birthday and my boyfriend took me out for a nice dinner. I was so excited, as we sat down at the fancy table, and we were given our menus. I asked my boyfriend what he was going to get for his main course, but he just ignored me as he was scrolling through Facebook on his phone... I paused and asked him again, what he was getting. Without looking up at me he said, "I dunno whatever". I put my menu down and asked him, "what's wrong?".
He put his phone down and said "everything is a big deal with you, just shut up". I was speechless and emotional; holding back my tears was difficult, in fact I didn't know what to do. "It's my birthday, and you're on the phone and telling me to shut up, why?"- I asked. "Because all we have been doing this past year is fighting"- he responded. I continued to ask him why he remained in this relationship with me, but he was just silent. As I began to cry at our table, he got up and said, "this is embarrassing", before he got into his car and drove back to our home, without me...
After several calls to him with no reply, I took a taxi back to our home. I was livid and ready to end things, there and then. As you may imagine, there were words exchanged. My boyfriend broke our TV, made a hole in the wall, broke dishes, and even left a few bruises on my arms from where he grabbed me.
I moved out the following day to my parent's house. My boyfriend spent the next month in a different city (for work), calling me, apologizing, begging for me to come back...and I guess I really missed him because I decided to take him back. Of course it wasn't my intention, to deceive or hurt him- but when his mate called me that evening to go for coffee, I said "yes".
My bf's mate was really quite a sweet, shy guy, nothing too impressive. We went out a couple of times for coffee and just talked about general things like work and life. He was very different than my boyfriend, in that he was close with his family, never swore, was extremely non-aggressive and just down to earth. I had known him for a few years and felt like he was a solid friend.
One night we went out for drinks, and one thing led to another- and you guessed it... we slept together. At first I felt terrible about the whole thing but as the week went by, I realized that I made my decision for a reason.
I didn't want to be with my bf's mate, I knew he just wasn't a man yet...but going out of my boundary and doing something like I had done, indicated to me that my boyfriend wasn't the right guy. No matter what, my emotional attachment to him would never be the same. I felt betrayed and very hurt from the year of pain that we went through.
A month later my boyfriend came back to our home city and I broke it off for good. I don't think he ever found out what his best mate and I had done but although it was wrong, I am glad that I had done it. It was a big sign that it's time to leave and never look back.