It Happened To Me: My Date Asked Me To Pay For Myself (Page 2)
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I think you're giving this guy way too much credit. If he didn't have enough money left over he could have taken you on a less expensive date instead. A simple coffee date costs maybe 10 € where I live. Or he could have postponed the date, saved up more money and then taken you out and spoiled you.
There's no justification for not paying on a date as a guy. The moment he asked you to pay I would have told him "no thanks" and dumped him.
Guys should always pay. Simple rule to follow: if he ain't a proper gentleman, next!
Stay lost, we don't need people like you
Unless the guy forces you to go with him at gunpoint, you go there voluntarily. *Both* of you wanted to go. *Both* of you agreed to go. And most importantly you *both* consume stuff so you *both* should pay for said stuff.
Both of you paying should be the norm, not some dramatic misfortune that "happens to you." You're making it sound like you had just been robbed.
As an otherwise generous and gentlemanly guy I can't believe that people still try to rationalize this nonsense in 2017.
Yay, another girl gets it lol. I'm joking. a lot of girls aren't bothered by paying for themselves. Every girl i've dated barring one time paid for themselves on the first date and the grand majority of those lead to a second date and more. I just always find it curious on here, when I see girls acting like it's the end of the world and that they'd never date a man that has her pay for herself.
Totally agree
@19magic yeah. To me it's just a really big question of character.
Men need to stop worrying about traditional dates. They're a waste of time, money, and energy. Nearly every woman I've had a relationship with I didn't need to impress her with dates. If she needs dates to be impressed she isn't worth the time. Trust me.
Yup. If a girl expects me to pay for everything I walk away. I don't work just so she can eat.
@LiveFreeorDieHard may as well just start doing her grocery shopping
@Mr-Kabuki lol right.
It's interesting this whole debate. If anything it's a good thing there are a several bad seeds (women) voicing their opinions.
It means more and more men are becoming educated in ways we are manipulated and expected to do stupid shit.
It's funny because your being counter productive. If u want men to pay which fewer and fewer are doing as the years go by, the less you'd talk about it.
Nobody likes expectations to be voiced simple.
Back in the other century women didn't have to say 'MEN MUST PAY' why? Because it went without saying and circumstances led to that.
Now you piss people off with voicing these expectations which shouldn't exist. It only makes more men not want to do it anymore.
Dates should be 50/50 always. That's what should he expected. Last time I checked every adult should have a credit card or debit on them. So u don't need cash. Even if he didn't tell u u would of had your card. Problem solved.
Whats the big deal? I would not let a guy pay me for the first day. He does not owe me anything. Even if he asks me. I would more likely feel the burden because who knows his financial position.
Maybe next time have less expectation that someone will buy you dinner
Date*
In my honest opinion Men paying for the first date is out dated and pointless.
I just hate that because i was born a man i'm obligated to ask the girl out and pay for her just in hopes she will want to even see me again.
Men and women earn just as much these days and are both capable, if other traditions and societal norms are evolving and changing why can't this.
at least you have the minimal empathy to understand he actually made the most effort and was in the hardest the whole time. as for breaking up, "connection" is just an excuse you just look for a white knight to pay your meals. thats how deeply intergrated this notion is in your head.
"women expect men to show they value us"
Well what exactly does the woman do to show they value the guy? Why is it only a one way street?
Simps, nice guys, desperate chumps and men that placed women on golden pedestals helped make it that way.
Regardless of however many people write about this, I'll never understand why the default reaction on a date, with normal circumstances, isn't to split the bill.
SPLIT. THE. BILL.
We don't get to pick and choose when and where we want equality, and tbh, I think this whole 'who pays' debate in general is just one of those situations where people need to stick to equality.
I could never imagine having the entitlement to think something like this, let alone write it. ''I had to pay for myself'' sounds like something only a spoilt princess would come up with.
Daddy probably paid for everything so now having to work for and spend your own money is a big deal for her.
@themartian age 100? damn bruh.
Excuse me? He did the planning? How? His "planning" efforts was to ask you where to go.
Did he let you pick the time and day, too?
So if he can't afford a fist date, then for Christ's sake, do not date! Wait for the next paycheeck and then ask her out for the first (!) date.
I do not believe it is a sign of "equality" if he drops all chivalry.
But maybe, I'm just too old.
I'm more concern that you only take $20 on dates.
He gave you notice before you got there that timing is great. You shouldn't need more than an hour to prepare yourself to pay for a date.
I know you came to the conclusion that hey it's not all about him paying the bill. But you just seem like you're just whining. I used to be stuck on them paying but I grew up. Realized that people paying for anything isn't a sign of how much they care or who they are.
This One, hun, may to Prefer to Go... Dutch Treat when you Meet.
You have Seen Some of Today''s Toms and they are Not all Alike. And the Ones who Pay all of the Way, may Not be so Hot neither.
I have Never had to pay on a Date but some have not become a Mate Neither.
You will Meet all kinds. And if there is One who Sparks your Interest, perhaps you Both could Compromise Thereafter to Live Happily After.
Good luck. xx
Hmm, I too was raised to think the invitee should pay, and I still think that's true. My mom never explicitly said the guy should pay first, but I think it was heavily implied. However, I think it's ok to go dutch if we're going out like every week, that or we switch it up, I pay one date, he pays the next.
>> "I’ve always believed men should always and forever pay on the first date"
You sexist! Check your privilege! :O
lol, talking about the money BEFORE the first date... and they say it's women who only care about it 😂
So when do you start asking out and paying for guys on first dates? Or is this only a one way street where the guy has to either sacrifice his time or his money to be considered worthy of your presence?
I don't think any of this is weird except the fact that he asked BEFORE the date... just my personal opinion.
But imagine if he had waited until they were on the date already, and for whatever reason she didn't have any money on her. If I'm going to be asked to pay for the date or split it I would prefer to know up front just to be prepared. I think he was being smart to ask beforehand and I can respect that.
I always pay regardless. If she says no , then I just walk out the door 🚪. And I will never accept someone else to pay for me... ever , for any reason !! Mainly the reason is simple... I'm going there anyhow , if you want to join me.. then fine , if not then fine too. Then again I don't date!!!
See that would annoy me, if I didn't pay for my share then I'd feel inadequate or a gold digger. I'd also feel like I owe him something, and that he now expects to recieve something from me.
@19magic According to my status , I won't let you pay, and also ide pick you... this way I can avoid the gold digger. By the way , I would of payed for your meal , and you would never owe it to me. I'm a different type than your average