7 Reasons Why I'm Single

Just a few of the reasons why I'm single:

1. I'm sexually liberated.

I'm not having sex with the crew but when I want it I get it. If I like a guy I'm seeing I will have sex with him. Basically the same things men do. Unfortunately most men, men who I happen to like, do not like that in women. It makes me easy, undateable, whatever. I'm not exactly sure how that works but I've lost out on potential guys because they judge me for it. Here's an example for you. I was seeing a guy a few months ago. I didn't go back to his place immediately. We did things around the city for a month. We went out to eat, explored new bars and spots in the city and went to the gym together. We talked a lot. I was growing feelings for him, and I was sexually attracted to him. I didn't say anything though. Eventually he finally told me he was developing feelings for me as well. We eventually did hang out at his place. He cuddled me, he hugged on me, he initiated everything. He kissed me first. We had sex that night. I thought the night was amazing. And we had mutual feelings for each other plus sexual chemistry! After that things died down. I became a regular fuck buddy, not someone he wanted to take out. I asked him about eventually and he said he didn't date girls who had sex too soon. They might be nice, but they were easy. Cue heart broken.

I still do what I want when it comes to sex. Like I said, I'm not out here having sex with everyone. But I have had my urges, just like grown men do, and I wanted them taken care of. I tell myself I'll conform to try and find a decent guy but at the end of the day I'm grown, I will do what I want. Maybe I'll find someone who will like that some day.

2. I am not attracted to the guys who want me.

There's this thing people believe that you should give a person a chance just because they're interested. No, you don't do that. I have guys who are interested in me, but I don't want to go out with them because I'm not physically attracted to them. They could be really nice but I'm not dating anyone I don't have attraction for. It's not fair to myself to do that. It hurts my feelings when guys I like aren't attracted to me but that's just how it works. And believe it or not, attraction doesn't always grow just from getting to know the person. I don't work like that. Either I am or I'm not.

3. My standards may be too high.

Loyalty; complete honesty; integrity; proactive; cares about whats going on around them; can communicate well; attractive; actually takes me on dates

I'm pretty basic. But loyalty, honesty and integrity seems to be hard for most people. People have excuses. They couldn't help cheating, they couldn't figure out a way not to lie, they don't know how to express themselves. And if someone doesn't have all three of these I am not interested in them.

Dating doesn't seem to be a concept anymore. People want to wait until they're in a relationship to date. But how do you get to know the person if you don't date? Most people will say "Netflix and chill." I say hell no. The whole thing will turn into a friends with benefits or fuck buddy situation, and we all know how men feel about women who are "easy."

Guys want to "chill" with me all the time. Nope. If you want to get to know me because you are interested in dating, then we're going to be going on dates. Actually going out and doing things.

4. I do not take bullshit nor do I babysit.

I mentioned I wanted someone proactive above. This is so important. I'm not here to hold your hand through everything. I'm not here to be your counselor because you can't figure simple shit out. I'm not going to accept half-ass effort. We might be dating and interdependent, but at the end of the day you need to have your life together, or working to get it together. I'm only 22 and still living at home with my mom. I'm in school with a crappy job. But I'm not depressed over it. I'm doing what I can to make it work. I work and go to school, and I just picked up a second job. I'm still looking into new jobs because I don't like what I do and I'm not going to put up with it much longer. Whenever I don't like something I work to change it.

I'm not saying you can't have a period in time where you're in a slump. Everyone goes through that. But if you're comfortable staying there, waiting for someone to save you, then you aren't someone for me. And that's most people I meet.Too many people think it's normal to hold their partner's hand through everything. That's not a relationship. You just became a second mother to that person. If someone can't, and most of the time they REFUSE, to get their shit together, they have no purpose in your life. Maybe it's because the people my age haven't figured out what they want in life yet.

5. I don't know how to pick decent men.

This is the most important one. My picker is so off, or I never had one to begin with. But when it comes to finding someone I pick the worst people. People say you should be able to tell in the beginning if someone is good or not. I'm just now learning that skill. The guys I've dated in the past acted one way in the beginning, and then changed down the road. So I wasn't just picking a random bad boy. I actually avoid them. But guys who I thought were decent turned out to do asshole things.

I also don't approach men either. The few times I did, they thought I was easy. I also went after the ones I found attractive. It's been suggested that I go after men I may not find attractive, but again, WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

If someone can help me with this, that will be awesome.

6. I'm stuck on the guy from #1.

Even though that guy really hurt my feelings, he's the one I'm still thinking about. We had so much fun, we actually did things. We had good conversation. I don't meet a lot of people like that! So it's been months since I met someone. I take myself out of the dating scene for close to 8 months to a year when I've been hurt. I need time to recover. I tend to hold anger and grudges, which is good for no one. I dated someone for the first time when I was 20 and after he revealed how much of a fuck up he was I didn't date again until I was almost 22 (guy from number 1, omg!).

7. I don't date frequently.

I meet plenty of people (mainly when I'm out and about) but I don't date often. Like I said before, people just want to chill. That's not my idea of a date and I refuse to change what I will accept/not accept. I don't date people I don't find attractive. I don't date people who are arrogant, assholes, don't have anything going for themselves, etc. I don't date multiple people at the same time, and I don't date people who do; I don't understand how you get to know someone when you're thinking about multiple people at once. I don't like wasting my time on people I know just won't work. Then when I do eventually find someone, they aren't the one. But at that point I was so emotionally invested I can't handle other people. It's a cycle I put myself in.

After going through this, I've come to the conclusion I may just be my own enemy. If anyone has any advice, that will be helpful. I'm open to it. I really would like to find someone.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've posted here quite a bit about the skill of picking partners and about how so many people are bad at it.

    if your goal is to have a long term, happy, stable and fulfilling relationship, then you need to pick someone who is a good person. That means understanding deeply what it means to be good, to have virtuous qualities and how to spot those qualities in others.

    I see a lot of people say that they have sexual chemistry, or that their partner is cute/smart/sexy/hot/fit/popular/rich/awesome/tall etc etc. None of those things are virtues, people in the modern age have forgotten what virtues are, and how to spot them. And also how to embody those virtues yourself.

    I kinda laugh when women have "high standards", what you really mean is that you have really terrible standards because you value the wrong thing, but you want a LOT of that thing, so it makes up for it somehow. Then you wonder why that person treats you like an asshole or just wants you for your body/sex.

    Sleeping around is not a virtue, being attracted to people who treated you badly is not a virtue. These are MASSIVE red flags for anyone who is also looking for virtuous relationships, it's the good people who know how to spot other good people. So it means you can't just learn or be taught how to look for good people, it means living it yourself.

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    • What do you cinsider honesty, loyalty and integrity?

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    • ... unlike the virgin or the prude who is uptight about her sexuality, sees men as the sexual initiator, expects her man to her into it, sees sex as a duty, sex as a business exchange, sex as a favor she does for her man, and so on. Women like this tend to see men as sexual beasts who need sex like animals need food, water, and oxygen and take a passive role rather than sex as being a love language where both partners need to take an active role in their own pleasure as well as the pleasure of their partner. It is a give and take, just like anything else in a relationship.

      Of course, there are women who rest in between prudish and liberated. Most women do. But I would argue that liberated does rest in the "in between", and the only women (and men) that need to be watched out for are the ones who have weak-will, low integrity, no loyalty, etc. Having sexual experiences doesn't necessarily indicate a lack of values and I feel it is usually a man's own insecurities being projected.

    • @freakyzeaky Ah, yes. I would argue that passion and chemistry are what SOME women are looking for (as a priority) and yes that's certainly true, and you can certainly have a passionate experience with that person, but then can be left very confused afterward if that ultmiately doesn't work out. Some of those passion seeking women may not be the best of people and dump you, cheat on you, etc.

      Not all women put that as their main priority though, if a woman has a lot of self knowledge, knows something about philosophy and biology they might be well educated enough to know about their own feelings and inclinations, as well as mens feelings, to know that they ought to be behaving in a virtuous way and they ought to look for men of the same caliber.

      I think people realise this as they get older, that it's a trade off, you dont necessarily find everything you want in a partner, but you can find specific things if you look, and you ought to be loooking for some things more than others.

Most Helpful Girl

  • #1 pisses me off :/ what the hellll... that guy is an idiot.

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    • He can reject anyone for whatever reasons he wants. No one cares if you're pissed.
      Entitled women such as yourself piss men off as well, so the feeling is mutual.

      Men don't want a vagina that has been fucked by every other guy in the room. We like to feel special y'know? Not the 595405th dick she had.
      Stop defending your whorish morals.
      Fuck sluts.

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    • Yes, it does. But guess what honey? Women rarely have a problem with a guy being a whore in fact they most of the time prefer a guy who is not a virgin or has slept around, whereas men are competitive with other men by nature, another guy having fucked your woman is disgraceful and insulting to a man.

      This is called the difference between the mentality of the sexes. It's all biological.
      Once you enter the whoreville there's no going back.

    • Don't listen to this idiot, OP.

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 55

  • Fair play to that bro from #1.
    We ain't about those 'sexually liberated' women AKA sluts.

    If you ever meet that dude, let him know some random stranger on the internet appreciates what he does.

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    • What makes me a slut?

  • Ah, solipsism on full display. There is simply no shame. :)

    Special snowflake is the term that comes to mind. Even more amazing you would spill it all out in a public forum.

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    • Should I be ashamed of anything? Haven't cheated... haven't done anything with anyone who is already in a relationship/married, I tell the truth. I don't anything to be ashamed for.

      Unless you're talking about the fact that I was able to have sex outside of a committed relationship without the shame men and women like to give women? Ahh.

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    • He's not playing smart. He just exposed your solipsism and he actually went short because you are clearly narcissistic. But who cares anyway

    • @alessandro_02 how? I need facts and details that I think I'm right about everything. I never stated i did. I just talked about how i feel because this post was about who? Me.

  • To me your requirements seem very rare to find in a person. And then as you know many guys (especially the ones with lots of options like the one you want) don't want to date women that sleep with guys on the first night which makes success rates lower of course. You could try broadening your requirements, but you don't seem to want that.

    The qualities you listed are not close to being exclusive to only your preference. Many girls want them of course. Realistically because of their options they are harder to get and less likely to be faithful (well the faithful part just seems statistically likely given the options i m o.

    I think your preferences will adjust overtime and of course you'll find someone you like.

    Maybe ease away from the casual or easy sex? A girl with patience can be more attractive to guys that are disciplined in life. I mean it sounds like you want a guy with lots of mental and emotional intelligence. I'd think they'd like a girl that way too. If I knew you better, I could probably help a lot more :/

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  • It is a thing I do myself but I think you are over thinking it - The reason you are single is you haven't met the right person in the right place at the right time with the right circumstances - OK maybe you are hung up on guy 1 and it didn't work out - Not all guys are "Sexually Liberated" or do they want to be in your definition - So you want to meet a "Decent Guy", I would suggest two possible approaches keep going until you meet someone as open minded as you and accepts you as you are in point 1 or consider are you happy as you are in point 1 and go down the traditional route of meeting a decent guy who isn't a player and take things at your own pace, get to know each other, date etc.

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  • I wouldn't be so happy "sexually liberated." The pursuit of pleasure is tempting, but don't follow it. Men shouldn't do it either, and I am pleading with you, promiscuity won't make you any happier as you think it might

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  • Hit the nail on the head @Browneye57 and her cognitive dissonance kicks into overdrive.

    Instead of fighting @Browneye57's observations why doesn't the author research solipsism, learn from their mistake, and chock it up to a learning experience?

    The real reason you are single is due to not realizing that a relationship involves another person, someone with their own experiences that partner with hers. As much as women have their choice, men also have theirs and if you aren't attracting good men because you are so one sided then good luck trying to pick a decent mate from a pool of second options.

    TL;DR: By being so self centered you alienate the potential partners you so desperately want to attract.

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    • I don't see what makes me self centered.

    • You expect perfection yet want utter compromise when it comes to your affairs. Essentially you want a slave.

    • I never said I wanted perfect. I'm not perfect. I have a big nose. I live at home with my mom. I work at a shitty job. I'm self concious. I hold grudges. I over think things. I'm a procrastinator. I cry when I'm mad or frustrated. But I am loyal, even if he is just a sexual partner, honest, and making efforts to better myself instead of expecting someone to hold my hand.

  • Im stuck on #5... you don't know how to pick decent men... that seems like the epicenter of your whole post...
    like it was said in "Coming To America"..."you gotta give him a chance"...
    you seem to (like my friend) think sex is a way, (and it is) that you can get a guy, but its not long term... long term is to learn the game darling.
    Know you are playing the game without trying, then just... break the rules

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  • 1. Thats a cute pic of officer hops 😀 great movie!
    2. Block and report that browneyes troll please. Until his ass is gone. No need for wastes of space like him.
    3. You re awesome for admitting you stay at home with your mom and work a crappy job while at school. I did and do similar things. Im 22 as well.
    4. Im stuck with being scared to admit #3. I feel most women won't put up with it even like you said I do try to improve things.
    5. Im not the best looking (fuck looks anyway) yet I've rejected girls ik most guys desperately would fall head over heels for. I base on personality and brain. Period. Looks change overnight. Brains and personalities don't.
    6. Great take! You seem like one of the many doing takes on the reason for being single. A guy did why women are single. I did why men are single. Now you are doing why you are single. Maybe all three of us should collaberate on an article. 😀

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  • Your list is fine. If i met you and we clicked, i would not consider a woman easy for going the sex route early and would want to be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with them. The way I see it is that it is better to know if you have sexual chemistry early so you don't disappoint each other later. I've known people that fit in with each other in every other way but that and they never recover.

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    • Sex after a month of dating is considered easy? Really? What is easy? If a person likes you, and you like them, why does it matter? Just sounds like the guy has issues and wasn't the one for the OP or he was actually a very charming player type who knew how to act interested but really just wanted sex. Guys who can create "spark" on demand tend to get women to fawn over him and has the social skills to create the illusion of potential.

      To the OP though, not all men have that "je ne sais quoi". I would argue that most men don't have the ability to charm the pants off of women, or have the humor of a stand up comedian, or the ability to reach deep into a woman's soul as if he simply "gets you" automatically. The post just reinforces the terrible idea that men are the ones expected to perform and women are the ones that judge them and in turn all women have to do is sit there and be pretty, give up the goods as if if that is all men want, and that men are there for their entertainment.

    • @freakyzeaky
      did i say that? Where? I don't understand

    • Sorry, didn't mean to post that as a reply to your post. Whoops...

  • Point 1: I don’t like it in general. I think it’s just…pathetic and low. And it doesn’t raise feeling of you, being loyal. So…yeah, I would judge you for this. That doesn’t matter, sure, but it might offer you some insight. To me it signals you are likely to cheat, or leave me for someone else. Just because you want to sleep with him. No, thanks.
    Yes, we know. You have urges. But I think you’re missing the point. It’s not about conforming to those urges, but being able to control yourself. Besides, the way, how you defending yourself… Too much, it seems like you are defending this behavior not from us, but from yourself.
    In the end, do whatever you want, sure. No problem. But there are consequences.
    Point 2: Of course, you are not.
    And…wait, people say that? Well…not here. :-D
    Point 3: They are. How do I know? This paragraph exists.
    You want loyalty? But…are you loyal? So far…I don’t think so. You exhibit signs of…you know…not being loyal.
    Are you completely honest? Do you tell the guys, who you don’t like, that you don’t find them attractive and therefore they will not be given a chance to go out with you?
    Integrity? Again, I don’t see that in you.
    Proactive? What do you mean?
    “cares about what’s going on around them” Why is this one important? To me, it seems like you want a guy, who would stick his nose in other people’s business.
    “can communicate well” So…not me. Just sain’. Nobody on the autism spectrum, even those high-functioning.
    “attractive”: Well, at least you are honest. :-)
    “actually takes me on dates” So…the guy must come up with some good location, program for the date, must pay for it all, and you are there…to enjoy. Got it. :-) Now, do you see, why I think your standards are high? :-)
    “I'm pretty basic.” And funny. :-D You make me laugh. Seriously. :-D OK, either your demands are basic, which…no. Or…you, as a person, are basic, which makes your demands too high. Not sky high, but something like distance to Jupiter high. :-) So…choose your poison. :-)
    “loyalty, honesty and integrity seems to be hard for most people” You know what? I totally agree with that.
    “And if someone doesn't have all three of these I am not interested in them.” What? But…you’ve stated this as your demand! What?
    I will continue, but little bit later.

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    • Later on, in point 3, you are generalizing. I know it’s probably exhausting to keep reading that, but people are individuals, you know? And what you write says to me, that you’ve make some questionable life choices.
      Point 4: here I pretty much agree, but that virtue signaling, OMG. Get over yourself. Yeah, you study and work in like billion jobs, you are beyond awesome, we get that! :-D
      5: Well…that’s obvious. :-D But…we aren’t in control of who we fall in love with. It sucks ass, I agree, but there is nothing, what you can do about it. Human body is poorly “designed” (read: shaped by evolution). Root access is completely missing.
      Do you know, how you’ve written, in one of past points, how you wouldn’t date someone, who you don’t find attractive? Maybe you should try someone out. Maybe you should change your picking parameters (who you are going out with). Or…maybe not, sure, your life.
      And you…are one of those who wait to be asked out. Cool. Well, I see another part of the problem.

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    • War is not good for anyone, and South Korea will take the impact the most. If NK attacks, I believe that the whole world will be on the side of SK (which is funny, because this also mean Slovakia, my neighboring country).
      Have you noticed one trend though? Trump says something, what should be horrible, and people are like “meh…whatever. It’s Trump…”. Nobody else would get away with this. So Trump saying something horrible is just every day news now, people aren’t sensitive on it anymore.
      His staff. :-D That’s joke as well. The rate of firing and hiring new people is breathtaking. :-D
      China might be the key to NK. Since China is the only one backing them up. Sort of. Non-publicly. Just because they don’t want US military on their border.
      OK, that might be only weak generalizing, I give you that.
      Cool. But…you should probably specify that, since there will be assholes like me, who will catch up on that.

    • Oh…that was sarcasm? Oh…shit. :-D No, I’ve thought that you are actually serious and try to use some other explanation for your relationship crisis.
      Yeah, but…then you want also someone attractive, and proactive, and this and that…do you see, how that list of demands grows? You don’t want him to be rich, sure, but he has to have some income, right?
      Hey…I’ve never said it’s right. :-) This is my natural defense mechanism. Do you know, how other animals have some? Like squids and their ink? Yeah, I have sarcasm, making fun of, and so on. This is my natural defense mechanism against stupidity.
      I think, that it’s just wrong not to know something about IT, when you use it daily.
      OK, that’s the reason for guys as well. And I would argue, that guys get rejected much worse and more often.
      The very end: I agree, that’s good approach, sure. But…sometimes you need to get to know someone new, right?
      Aaand…sorry for the long message. Do you want to go somewhere else?

  • So practically you don't care about him to even help him in return in pain BUTTTTTTTTTTTT
    want a perfect male and the MAN in return I am not surprised and I don't care about downvotes and I will say it
    You are just simple 21st century Bitch that need to grow up and learn How society actually works before you are 30 cuz after that almost every one like you breaks apart and cry that She fail to find the right person and join blogs to make it MEN FAULT ALL ALONG
    and you are single cuz Men are not idiot enough to stay with you after you show your real color.

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    • 😂😂😂 I couldn't figure out what you were talking about dude.

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    • I wouldn't require anything I don't give in return. I believe in supporting your partner, but not when they aren't doing what is necessary to help themselves. Trying to help and provide for someone who refuses to do thing themselves is draining and not fair.

    • Well if you mentioned that in your mytake then you may not receive the fairly negative comments and I will recommend to improve your confidence in other people, rather can giving up on them.

  • Nothing wrong being single. Me, I am 50/50. Meaning-I feel lonely sometimes thing alright single. Single you have more time on your own. More hobbies, working alone, more money in your bank. No one screwing your apartment/home, etc.

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  • reasons why I'm single:
    1. I'm too content with my life to give a damn about sharing it with someone else.

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  • because you are a loser, asker

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  • For me.

    1. Girls lie too much and aren't honest anymore.

    2. Girl's use Dating as a form of income:
    free drinks
    dinner
    night out on the town
    gifts

    3. a lot of single girls want a commitment date #1. If you just want to have fun/spend time with them... they get upset and think they are being used. Wake UP girls... You aren't getting uses (it takes 2 to tango) In reality Girls uses Guys... See # 2.

    4. Once you are older any girls that are single after 25<30yr old or so. They are either controlling , broken or crazy.

    5. Others are super religious, which doesn't vibe with me... or they want kids.

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  • Just from reading this I already know what kind of person you are. Remember, you cannot die alone if you have cats!

    trashy/10

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  • This is the real reason, men are steering clear of relationships.
    www.foxnews.com/.../why-men-wont-marry.html

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  • I feel like you need to open up and discover what positive vibes a guy can have for you. Whenever I got hit on during puberty, it was mostly like "I love you, and I'm a girl, so that's reason enough for you to belong to me" and of course this "I want sex, and we both know that you always do, so consider yourself lucky" which both chased me away for years actually. Girls playing games with me, like dropping me and picking me up again and again, and those who wanted me for sex only, they proved to me that I better stayed off females, which is why until today I stayed single. Considering the force upon me to be with a girl who "just wanted me" in puberty, I wouldn't even say I had that one "relationship" back then. This is why up until I have kind of relationship phobia, because there's hardly any girl I could imagine being with, considering that I would be the one searching for other reasons than sex. I don't mean to sound sexist, but even if men "only wanted sex" then girls can at least gather some courage to motivate them to do other things. I might not have a say in this due to my lack of experience in the relationship department, but damn, I'm sick of "oh well, he only wants sex, so he's easy to control". I mean, what if I don't want sex? For a day, for a week? For a month, for years? I had read so many questions on here, especially from females in their 30s, saying "why doesn't he want sex anymore? :'( " Again, I don't mean to be sexist. But let's flood a girl's life with shoes. Every. fucking. day. It'd be like saying "oh well, she wants shoes, so she's easy to tame. She's angry? Buy her shoes. She's sad? Buy her shoes. She's missing him? Buy her shoes. See the difference here? This is why I fucking hate, I mean HATE gender prejudices. If you want me, then put away that thing down there (glad to be able to say that myself finally) and LISTEN to what I say. And you most likely will experience a relationship of a kind that you REALLY want.

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  • Stop being sexually liberated, the happy men in this world are the one's who have been in a committed relationship for years. The one's that everyone thinks are happy are the ones with a million crazy stories and they are fucked up inside. You wanna be happy, do you really, or do you wanna fuck around? Don't pigeonhole men, I've had sex once in my life and that's all it took for me to learn I wanted to be in the right kind of relationship before I ever do it again. Forget everything you know, trust your instincts, feel, don't think, and you will see the truth of what you desire. Every guy you sleep with decreases your chances of a healthy long term relationship in the future, look up some statistics all the information is available online. There are plenty of real life examples around you I'm sure, just look to people older than yourself who share your liberal ideals.

    There is a call out right now, a spiritual call to return to a higher standard. Civilization is based around the idea of controlling sexuality, not letting it control us. It's time we all remember that.

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  • So you admit that you're easy, have a high sexual count, and are looking for decent good looking men... you will at some point have to accept that such men won't really date you as you've probably figured already

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    • Lol. I didn't say any of that. I said, if I want sex, I will get it, without the shame attached to women who want sex outside of a committed relationship. Complete difference. And no, I have not slept with a million people. For clarification, I've have two friends with benefits experiences. =)

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    • Dude, you can tell if a woman is a nympho who has no intention of settling down, or a woman who had a few flings or friends with benefits. It is a rarity in modern Western society to come across a woman who is a complete virgin at my age and I don't want a woman with no experience because they don't know how to have the proper attitude in the bedroom.

      Cal me a cuck if you like, but if a man pleases his woman he should be so insecure as to be paranoid about whether or not she is going to screw around behind his back.

    • You're wasting your time talking to him. I'm positive he has some sort of mental disorder. You can tell by the way he responds to people. It's clear he doesn't even read what you write or his reading comprehension skill are SEVERELY lacking. You never once said you have a high sexual count. He just assumed that. In fact you even said you don't date that much. He likely read the headline "I'm sexually liberated" and took that as "I sleep around" without even reading the rest. Probably skimmed over your take and took out the parts that fit his preconceived notions. He also thought you were calling him unattractive when what you said was "men in general who want relationships". He took the "most of you" to mean him, when you meant those guys. I find that people online often use the word "you" when they don't literally mean the person they are talking to. You may have but you don't know if he's one of those guys. Any rationally thinking person would get this. Clear cognitive dysfunction.

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What Girls Said 24

  • MyTake Owner, as disturbing the mindset of these 'boys' on here I need to seriously address to you the issue. Please understand that what I am saying is for your best interest, IF you are that serious about finding a mate. Now starting with each of your 7 points:

    1. This is your prime major issue: Your fornicating. That is a major big no-no, and you think you get sex whenever you want. No man in his right mind would want to deal with a woman with that attitude. Especially, if you have plans for marriage. It is still very slutty of what your thinking. Your mentality is why you got used the way you got used. Which gets me to your next point. Your not sexually liberated. Your sexually bound in the chains of your own sex life. If you have to go spread your legs to anybody, no matter who it is, because your body says 'it's time' basically, then your not free. Your in bondage. " I will do what I want." And so will these guys, with you. They do whatever they want with you because you let them.

    2. "It hurts my feelings when guys I like aren't attracted to me but that's just how it works." Um, no. It's not how it works. It's the fact that you aren't putting the effort to make yourself attractive to those men. Your too shallow and care about looks because that's what rules your life. You have no idea how these guys you attract think. Some of them probably sense and know what your about. Hense why they are put off by you. To be attaracted is a CHOICE. It has also been scientifically proven recently. I know that by experience.

    3. You call this high standards yet you can't meet them yourself. Which leads me back to yoru 1st point. Let me say as a virgin, I hold those standards and I can get respected for them as a virgin. If your not, you will less likely find people who will take you seriously, and you have the mindset to mess around sexually. You cannot have both. Men will feed the illusion until they will grow tired of it. Men will ONLY give what they want and feel you deserve. If they feel you don't deserve it, they won't give you their heart. You'll can have their body everytime. You still don't have them.

    "Guys want to "chill" with me all the time. Nope. If you want to get to know me because you are interested in dating, then we're going to be going on dates." I'm sorry, but again, HOW do you expect this to happen when you said this? --->

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    • "I still do what I want when it comes to sex. Like I said, I'm not out here having sex with everyone. But I have had my urges, just like grown men do, and I wanted them taken care of." You can't blame these men when you're feeding into it too. Don't complain. That's your problem. You don't meet the standards. So they will treat you what they feel you deserve. Sad but true.

      4. Like I said, HOW can you expect to have such a guy and you're doing what you're doing, having that mentality? It's never going to happen. They're going to look at you as a hypocrite.

      5. No. You have the ability to do so. But your priorities are wrong. That's why you keep getting used and abused. You are who you attract because you have no control over your sex drive. You WANT to have sex with those guys. THAT's why you end up with imbeciles and attracted to them.

      6. The same thing as with #5. He had to be the guy you lost your virginity to, and this is why you wait for marriage to have sex. That is not this

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    • That can't be a contradiction if it's two different things. I believe its okay to have sex outside of marriage, and outside of a relationship. You aren't committed to anyone.

      But I do not believe in cheating, or treating partners wrong. Or even believing people deserve to be treated wrong because they have sex.

      Having sex, and treating people terribly, are two different things and dont even compare. Having sex when it hurts someone is a big deal.

      I know a woman who is married to a man now. They are both Christian and strong believers. However... he's been cheating on her. But they waited to have sex. So does she deserve that?

    • The problem has nothing to do with that fact that their Christian, but that they should no better. That is obviously not a God centered relationship like sadly a good amount of Christians don't have marriage wise for that to be happening. Again, you at the end of all of this has to figure it out. Everybody else must be responsible for what they do. They also included whatever pain and suffering that occurs. If that couple did not ask for God's permission to marry, then sadly that will be the consequences even for them. That is why I said it is not a joke. Just because they waited for marriage to have sex with each other, it doesn't mean that they were virgins. It also has to do with mentality. Which is what I was saying to you before.

  • Can I just say don't you find it ironic that men are allowed to dismiss you if they're not attracted but you have to settle for any old thing that comes your way just because he may be nice... maybe we should start shouting at our genitals and heart
    "Work, come one... he's a nice guy!"

    I remember having a chat with a guy who wanted to get to know me. He insulted me, was greedy, not very generous he thought buying me a bat of chocolate made him generous PAH! Then when I blocked him he sought me out to apologize and restart everything. he said guys won't make an effort anymore because they can get pussy for free. cranks to tinder) I'm too old fashioned and need to get with the modern times or I'm going to lose out. Great guy! Me telling him what I require wasn't of any interest despite him being interested in... ME!

    I agree with a lot you have to say, and I myself have decided to take a break from dating. I messed up when I met a guy. I left university when really I should have focused on getting back on a course. But he promised a lot with no intention of coming through. Why he had this nasty master plan I don't know. I was nothing but helpful too helpful even.
    I'm now the person that needs saving but, I'm trying to save myself.

    You're on a good path, focus on you! Everything else will fall in place later. If not who cares there's to life then being labeled wife! Trust me, life doesn't miraculously improve because of that title.

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    • Let me ask you, not trying to insult, but what did he do to insult you and why was he greedy? What did you do for him during the dating process? Was it just that he wasn't a gentleman enough? Did you expect him to do all the proving and did you do any of the proving yourself? Why should a man try hard to supplicate to the woman and show value, when a woman doesn't do the same?

      The comments he made were a sign of his bitterness, probably lashing out at the fact that he didn't understand why you spurned him. He was in the wrong and should of just moved on.

      Men don't expect you to be attracted to anything that comes your way, but we would like women to understand that not all men are prince charming, in fact, I would say very few are.

      Both sexes should be focused on what they can do for the other, not what they can get from the other person. That displays value and then you can make your judgement based on that. It is the expectations that kill the possibly of attraction.

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    • Yes he is. I had already decided he wasn't for me but with the added talk about me being old fashioned. It finalised it all. Simple thing for him to go was respect that we're two different people with different relationship goals.

    • Whoa, that is a hell of a lot worse than insulting you and being greedy. He was a self-centered narcissistic asshole creep who kept pushing your boundaries and only cared about himself.

      I know you didn't have to explain all of that, so thanks for opening up. I can understand situations like that might make a woman feel weary about a man's interest. Of course I could say that not all men are like that, and I am sure you already know that though.

      Anyways, I wish you luck and hope that you as well as many others find the man or woman that is right for them. I just wanted to point out that it seems like so many men and women have troubles dating due to expectations that either come from society or from our own ideals. Sweet men get turned down because they aren't charming enough, awesome women get treated with disrespect because they want to take it slow, etc. Everyone is different, with their own virtues and flaws, no one is perfect.

  • Loyalty; complete honesty; integrity; proactive; cares about whats going on around them; can communicate well; attractive; actually takes me on dates

    This makes me worried about you dear and not the "I pity you" type of worried , but genuinely worried because as much as I can read people, you seem like a really nice person , who has her issues but doesn't have people with whom she can share or doesn't share at all and that bottling up of emotions is hurting you deep inside.

    And I said the above thing worries me, because the type of guy that you are looking for are the exact type of guys that you might be unknowingly pushing away.

    But I hope everything works out for you and you meet the right guy who is willing to put everything about the past, aside.

    But just as a standing offer, I understand what you are going through and id love to be there for you as a friend if you ever need any.

    Also if Id like your input about my readings about you, so I can study that and get better at it.

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  • I'll address my thoughts point for point:
    1. Understand that if you are single and you aren't getting the results you want, you need to amend something. You don't date often and you don't know approach men. All I'm reading is what you don't do... but you also don't have results. Consider this.
    2. Any man that uses your sexual habits as an excuse not to date you IS NOT A MAN. Boom. If you are being safe, having consensual good sex, what's the issue? Get yours, because he's probably getting his.
    3. Dating one man at a time is social suicide these days. You cannot put all your eggs in one basket. You can multitask, you are a woman. You need to understand how men work, how men behave, what "red flags" you are not picking up on, and how to get the relationship you want. You won't pick up these skills on this website - you have to get out there and do it. The longer you wait around for Mr. Right and turn down every prospect that comes your way, you will put *that guy* on a pedestal. You know... the one you're stuck on at least a year later.
    4. You don't like the men who want you... well honey I suggest you try. I'm not suggesting you settle, but check your priorities. And yourself. If you are a 6/10 at best, you can wish for a 9/10 but maybe a 5/10 is more your speed. It sounds awful, but you will be with someone of the same attractiveness as you. And if no one who is super attractive is super into you... that's your social currency. Get a dorky nerd with good earning potential (that's what I did).
    5. Stop screwing yourself over. You deserve happiness like everyone else, you do realize this right? I do believe people attract their state of mind - if you are not at peace, you will unknowingly attract men who will keep you in a state of chaos. You won't attract the person right for you until you are right internally.
    Hope this helped :)

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  • No.4. is my thing too...
    It's definitely true - it's weird that adults still expect others to hold their hand and mother them... that's not how adulthood works.

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  • i'm single cause i'm afraid of something i have no clue about. whether it be insecurities or scared of commitment

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  • Or what about ur single because u choose to be? No man is for u at the moment

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  • I think the best thing about being single is not having to answer to anyone. I'm free to go out when I want. I don't have to check in with another person, or beg for attention or beg for them to leave me alone.

    Unfortunately too, the majority of guys I attract I am not attracted to. And the ones where we have a mutual attraction I don't think are good enough for me. Not looks wise but they aren't very mature or dependable so I don't wanna waste my time when I know I can do better

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    • How many of these guys turned you down? How many of them mutually agreed that there simply wasn't a compatibility? I think all too often women expect that "spark" or that je ne sais quoi from the man, and feel that it should magically just happen even though it takes work from both people in dating. Not all men and women are socially outgoing or charming, I would actually argue that it is on a spectrum as with most things in life, and that many rest around in the 3 - 6 out of 10 range. If all you are attracted to are men who make you feel like he is a 7+ on the charm scale, then of course it will be hard to find plus all the other values, commonalities, sexual compatibility, etc. that you expect in a mate.

      Often times, coming from a man, it feels as if it becomes more about what the man can do for the woman rather than what both partners can do for each other as a team. It feels like a very one sided, "what can you do for me?" type of attitude.

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    • @freakyzeaky I know how easy it feels to be disappointed by the opposite sex and be tempted to blame all of them for your problems. I stop myself whenever a thought comes to mind beginning with 'Men are...' because it's 'some men' not 'all men'. If you go on to talk to women in that way, they'll just bring that baggage with them to their next relationship and you'll perpetuate the cycle of unfairly judging an entire gender

      I suffer from anxiety too but I have to remember that not everything can blamed on someone. It's not my fault and it's not the fault of the guys I know either. Just because I haven't found someone who I see eye to eye with yet, who completes me and I them, doesn't mean all men suck

      Hopefully in the future you'll find someone and the memories of being let down by women who don't see you as a person, with good points and bad, will drift away as they are replaced by someone who understands you and isn't using you

    • That is sensible. It isn't as if women or men can control what they are attacted to. And as you said, all women and men are different. Just need to find the right one.

  • I just can't be bothered to put in the effort. People are so incredibly boring. It's all small talk about crossfit or lifting or sports. I do not fucking care. You know?

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  • I can definitely relate to some of those, but it's really not for lack of desire that I'm single😂

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  • 8. everything , everyone can change minutes by minutes , modern women should not expect much in a couple life,
    9. single is better no one can hurt you.

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  • Wow. I am 23 and I'm getting married.

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  • There's always that one guy that steals the show. He's an asshat but a damn fine one. Been there!

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  • Welcome to the club!
    I'm actually AroAce and I'm sex repulsed

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  • Get ya

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  • I agree with this article.

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  • I don't know it sounds like you'll always be single. No one will stay attractive forever so looks should not matter as much as it seems they do for you. Youve never had someones personality make them more attractive? Have you ever gotten to know anyone? Are you selfish or full of yourself? Its impossible for someone to not look better or worse when getting to know them. I've been plenty of beautiful girls that after listening to them made them completely ugly even on the outside.
    If you're liking guys out of your league there really is nothing anyone can say or do to help, itll be more about hoping you're lucky enough to snatch a hottie. This sleeping around thing I agree with the guys mostly. I expect guys I date to not have casual sex. As long as the sex theyve had was in committed relationships then thats fine. I dont want a slut either. Probably for the same reasons. The difference is sometimes theyre hypocritical about it. But most guys I know that dont care about how easy or how many partners a woman has its because theyre slutty as well. Theyre usually the guys that you can rely on for something serious. Your asshole meter is off because of your expectations and the way you enforce them. Your tone in this take and the way you put things makes you sound like a modernday feminist. If you are you should try a dating site you'll have better luck finding a man that is also a modernday feminist.

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  • my main reason is number 3

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  • Im 23 and im almost 1 1/2 year single with my last relationship, i date, but i haven't found someone enough, i want to be in a relationship with.

    I've dated a guy on thinder, and i think he is most of the awesome guy i dated, he is a model, and im really attracted to him

    I thought he was awesome and he also stays on my mind. Its really sad that u let go of someone whom you think the best person for you

    I had really decent relationships all in my past,

    And this guy I've dated, he isn't one of them, thats why i let him go

    Even he have all the quality i am attracted to a guy, i let go,

    First he never accept and respect me

    Forget about that last guy in your mind,

    Even you go back to him, he isn't interested of you at all. That won't change, because first impression lasts

    U dont have to date someone you dont like, you have to free yourself and give some time enjoy your moments where u can smile

    My last relationship found a new girl, and i dont regret not going back to him

    Cause i know i will always find a more decent guy than him,

    Or even new guys around.
    I can find a decent guy

    Men knows their place, and if at first, you knew he dont respect u

    He isn't the guy for u

    Im more picky in relationship now,
    I dont want to waste time with a wrong guy

    Dont let these guys used u,

    there's nothing wrong with u,
    But maybe u just showing them the wrong side of u

    Better show them the better side of u

    So they won't see u as someone easy or unrespected

    U deserve to be loved the same u give it to someone

    U dont need to push urself in dating,

    Take some time to walk, observe around think before u decide

    The right guy will come around, when u feel right

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  • Nice take

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