Just a few of the reasons why I'm single:
1. I'm sexually liberated.
I'm not having sex with the crew but when I want it I get it. If I like a guy I'm seeing I will have sex with him. Basically the same things men do. Unfortunately most men, men who I happen to like, do not like that in women. It makes me easy, undateable, whatever. I'm not exactly sure how that works but I've lost out on potential guys because they judge me for it. Here's an example for you. I was seeing a guy a few months ago. I didn't go back to his place immediately. We did things around the city for a month. We went out to eat, explored new bars and spots in the city and went to the gym together. We talked a lot. I was growing feelings for him, and I was sexually attracted to him. I didn't say anything though. Eventually he finally told me he was developing feelings for me as well. We eventually did hang out at his place. He cuddled me, he hugged on me, he initiated everything. He kissed me first. We had sex that night. I thought the night was amazing. And we had mutual feelings for each other plus sexual chemistry! After that things died down. I became a regular fuck buddy, not someone he wanted to take out. I asked him about eventually and he said he didn't date girls who had sex too soon. They might be nice, but they were easy. Cue heart broken.
I still do what I want when it comes to sex. Like I said, I'm not out here having sex with everyone. But I have had my urges, just like grown men do, and I wanted them taken care of. I tell myself I'll conform to try and find a decent guy but at the end of the day I'm grown, I will do what I want. Maybe I'll find someone who will like that some day.
2. I am not attracted to the guys who want me.
There's this thing people believe that you should give a person a chance just because they're interested. No, you don't do that. I have guys who are interested in me, but I don't want to go out with them because I'm not physically attracted to them. They could be really nice but I'm not dating anyone I don't have attraction for. It's not fair to myself to do that. It hurts my feelings when guys I like aren't attracted to me but that's just how it works. And believe it or not, attraction doesn't always grow just from getting to know the person. I don't work like that. Either I am or I'm not.
3. My standards may be too high.
Loyalty; complete honesty; integrity; proactive; cares about whats going on around them; can communicate well; attractive; actually takes me on dates
I'm pretty basic. But loyalty, honesty and integrity seems to be hard for most people. People have excuses. They couldn't help cheating, they couldn't figure out a way not to lie, they don't know how to express themselves. And if someone doesn't have all three of these I am not interested in them.
Dating doesn't seem to be a concept anymore. People want to wait until they're in a relationship to date. But how do you get to know the person if you don't date? Most people will say "Netflix and chill." I say hell no. The whole thing will turn into a friends with benefits or fuck buddy situation, and we all know how men feel about women who are "easy."
Guys want to "chill" with me all the time. Nope. If you want to get to know me because you are interested in dating, then we're going to be going on dates. Actually going out and doing things.
4. I do not take bullshit nor do I babysit.
I mentioned I wanted someone proactive above. This is so important. I'm not here to hold your hand through everything. I'm not here to be your counselor because you can't figure simple shit out. I'm not going to accept half-ass effort. We might be dating and interdependent, but at the end of the day you need to have your life together, or working to get it together. I'm only 22 and still living at home with my mom. I'm in school with a crappy job. But I'm not depressed over it. I'm doing what I can to make it work. I work and go to school, and I just picked up a second job. I'm still looking into new jobs because I don't like what I do and I'm not going to put up with it much longer. Whenever I don't like something I work to change it.
I'm not saying you can't have a period in time where you're in a slump. Everyone goes through that. But if you're comfortable staying there, waiting for someone to save you, then you aren't someone for me. And that's most people I meet.Too many people think it's normal to hold their partner's hand through everything. That's not a relationship. You just became a second mother to that person. If someone can't, and most of the time they REFUSE, to get their shit together, they have no purpose in your life. Maybe it's because the people my age haven't figured out what they want in life yet.
5. I don't know how to pick decent men.
This is the most important one. My picker is so off, or I never had one to begin with. But when it comes to finding someone I pick the worst people. People say you should be able to tell in the beginning if someone is good or not. I'm just now learning that skill. The guys I've dated in the past acted one way in the beginning, and then changed down the road. So I wasn't just picking a random bad boy. I actually avoid them. But guys who I thought were decent turned out to do asshole things.
I also don't approach men either. The few times I did, they thought I was easy. I also went after the ones I found attractive. It's been suggested that I go after men I may not find attractive, but again, WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
If someone can help me with this, that will be awesome.
6. I'm stuck on the guy from #1.
Even though that guy really hurt my feelings, he's the one I'm still thinking about. We had so much fun, we actually did things. We had good conversation. I don't meet a lot of people like that! So it's been months since I met someone. I take myself out of the dating scene for close to 8 months to a year when I've been hurt. I need time to recover. I tend to hold anger and grudges, which is good for no one. I dated someone for the first time when I was 20 and after he revealed how much of a fuck up he was I didn't date again until I was almost 22 (guy from number 1, omg!).
7. I don't date frequently.
I meet plenty of people (mainly when I'm out and about) but I don't date often. Like I said before, people just want to chill. That's not my idea of a date and I refuse to change what I will accept/not accept. I don't date people I don't find attractive. I don't date people who are arrogant, assholes, don't have anything going for themselves, etc. I don't date multiple people at the same time, and I don't date people who do; I don't understand how you get to know someone when you're thinking about multiple people at once. I don't like wasting my time on people I know just won't work. Then when I do eventually find someone, they aren't the one. But at that point I was so emotionally invested I can't handle other people. It's a cycle I put myself in.
After going through this, I've come to the conclusion I may just be my own enemy. If anyone has any advice, that will be helpful. I'm open to it. I really would like to find someone.