Guys: If you're shy, insecure, unable to approach - it's NOT the end of the world!

Although it's more difficult for a shy, insecure person to approach a desirable party, they need not worry as much.

Why?

Well...it's scientifically proven, and we all know this though our everyday lives, that stress and overthinking usually leads to hindrances, problems, more insecurities and ultimately failure.

Guys: If you're shy, insecure, unable to approach - it's NOT the end of the world!

Yes, you don't have to approach, but you do have to put yourselves out there for those eligible women / men to be able to see you and know you're there.

Waiting for love at home isn't going to prove fruitful unless you're banking on the internet, and although we'd all love to believe that the internet can provide us with our SO, more often than not, it's not so...

Tips on how to make yourself open without actually approaching:

- smile

- be friendly (within your friend group)

- try to not let social anxiety get to you (behave as if you were at home hanging out with your friends - if you have to pretend you are at home for a while until you loosen up)

- cut yourself off from your friends from time to time: go to the bar to get drinks, go to the bathroom but take your time to and fro, go to the pinball machine (being by yourself creates more opportunities for a woman to approach you)

- if anyone (guy or girl) comes up to you smile and converse...about anything... (being natural in a social situation appeals to people - even observing you from afar)

- be yourself out there, i.e., try new things, but don't get peer pressured into doing things you don't feel comfortable doing (it really makes people understand who you are and if they approach you it means they would most probably like you for you)

Of course, what you're looking for in this is for a woman (or man) to approach you - someone who is maybe bolder and less afraid of rejection... But you need that in your relationship dynamic - a bit of difference and contrast within the relationship can make everything a lot more fun!

Putting a positive energy out there and being natural and comfortable in all that you do makes people drawn to you. Maybe not always romantically, but that doesn't matter... What matters is that you're slaying the social game right now, and with that comes confidence, and then, later on, who knows...!

Maybe even a cute SO!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I approached a woman who smiled at me at the gym this evening. It's actually been a few months since I've approached a woman outside of a dating app.

    It all start when I caught her smiling at me. I immediately didn't smile back. Part of the problem is when I'm at the gym I'm there to get a workout in, picking up girls is a distant second. I don't even stare at attractive women in the same capacity that I do when I'm outside the gym. I've also been "taught" by other women who complain about guys approaching them to not approach women at the gym.

    Anyway this chic looked younger (early 20s) but I was nervous she was possibly in her teens. She was very, VERY skinny. I didn't want to be a creep and stare at her too long, but I was trying to figure out if she was at least in college at or not. I'm sure as hell not going to approach a 17 year old at a gym.

    Anyway I finally thought of a bs reason to approach her. I went up and ask if she was a distance runner. She quasi smiled and responded (in a weird accent) that she was a ballet dancer. I then said, oh my mistake you just have the same build that some of distance runners I know. It was honestly the only thing I could think of that sounded like a reasonable excuse to approach her at a public gym.

    Anyway I said "have a good workout and my name is so so". She didn't respond and went back to her workout. I didn't come by her again or look at her.

    It was awkward and I screwed it up. BUT I was proud of myself for at least taking the risk to approach her in a normally off limits environment. I'm trying to get in the habit of approaching women in public more (gotten lazy because of dating apps in the last couple years). Have to start somewhere.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I enjoyed reading this mytake, @LittleSally. I think you gave some really helpful advice.

    I really enjoyed your suggestion of leaving the group for a time. I never thought about it before but I do think stepping away from the group and being alone may make you more approachable in a social setting.

    Thanks for sharing. :)

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What Guys Said 18

  • This is also good advice for shy girls as well. (Title says guys.)

    Remember, that the more you socialize the easier it will become.

    And if you can't face your fears from the front, try coming at it from the side. Or even ambush that sucker from the back.

    Remember, even the mighty tiger will not attack a person who is watching them (usually) but will once their back is turned.

    Try making friends with girls/guys who you are intimidated by, but not really interested in. (And who knows, maybe you're wrong and they are different than what you thought.)
    Just being friends with people of the opposite gender can help you realize they they are not a scary mythical beast, but just people.

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  • It's not the end of the world, just a dead-end. Guys like that will bore you to tears. If they're that insecure then they're just not ready to date. Some of the boys these days have been raised to be just like girls and they're unable to cope with anything challenging. Girls don't really key to that very well - they look for confidence, success, social fluidity. You want to have fun, right? Not babysit a man-cub?

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    • Yeah well these boys have also been brainwashed into thinking that approaching a girl or complimenting her is sexist and creepy. Most of us know that's bullshit, but feminism is partially to blame for this crap.

    • Show All
    • @Djaaay yes there is a lot more than sex. But when i got brutally friend zoned before getting in their pants when I was younger I feel an extra push to take what I can get early. I don't get friendzoned anymore. A few years ago a girl tried to do this too me and I was "goodbye". But now I get ghosted instead. It's the lesser of two evils.

    • @somewheresomeway. Plane ticket !! If you want to meet good women. Women of other ethnicity are a blessing.

  • Very interesting Take, I hope you're right :)
    Eh, da još imam love, i da izgledam ko neki poznati glumac, išlo bi to lako :P

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  • It does matter. Men mostly have to initiate with women, whether that's the approach the first kiss, asking for the number, for a date etc. If not 99.9% of the time he ends up in the friend-zone. Just being social isn't going to cut it for this reason - at the very least a guy has to know how to flirt and create sexual tension or else she most likely won't see him as anything but a friend.

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  • For guys this only works if the girl has an excuse to talk to you, but if she does then so do you and it's still better for you to do it because you don't want to leave it to chance. If you're waiting for a cold approach from a girl you better look like a goddamn movie star or it ain't gonna happen with a girl who's body doesn't have its own zip code.

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  • I would say being shy is more of a problem, rather than being quiet, but I pretty much agree here.

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  • Thank you kindly madam! I needed that :)
    I will keep that in mind from now on. ☺

    I am really comfortable with girls right now ☺♥😍

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  • LittleSally you're a genius. Great myTake. Learned a lot and that quote at the end definitely makes me feel like confidence is much more attainable.

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  • Nice pep talk but the number one turn on for a girl is a confident self assured alpha male with game. Beta males simps are just used for the bread and butter,

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  • nice take :) , thank you

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  • Good read

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  • Add to the fact that some men may be conventionally unattractive then it's tough as heck.

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  • Ya know I like this for once a post that down grade shy people, Thank you for sharing this I think this can really help some people out there I don't know about me but hey what can ya do?

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  • One of the few of yours that I agree with. Good job.

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  • Good take, thanks for sharing!

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  • Awesome one Sally :D

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  • cool thanks

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  • Interesting take

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What Girls Said 2

  • Sometimes girls like me love shy guys. I'm kinda shy myself, but I'm trying to teach myself how to approach guys like me. The article has good tips for girls too, and it's a good read.

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  • It is a good one. I do believe that positive energy and a smile change everything. Other people feel your vibe!

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