Do you take half of the responsibility for your failed relationships? Have you heard the old saying: "The common denominator of all your failed relationships is you"?
Do you think you're just having bad luck? Are you the one giving your all and it seems no one is just as good as you? Well, read on, Common Denominators – because it’s time to start learning from some of your (subconscious) mistakes.
I always end up with people with problems. True, everyone has their share of problems, so you’re not going to ever really get away from this one. But those who are constantly causing trouble, victims of their own circumstances can be avoided if you stop thinking of yourself as someone who saves people. It never works. Risk your position as being the “good person” in the relationship by finding someone better than you. Sometimes (subconsciously), people are afraid that if they get involved with someone better, it won’t give them the opportunity to play victim if things go wrong.
I never see it coming. I meet them, and they always end up using me. Users (ie. Manipulators) are looking for you. They end up latching on to something that they know you want and play a game of this-for-that. You might end up wanting your end of the bargain just as much, and in the end – you both end up thinking you’re both in the right. To quote Dr. Phil (who I don’t really like quoting), “You tell people how you want to be treated.” Subconsciously or not, your words and actions say it all. If you don’t want to be used, then don’t dole out your money or body to impress, and don’t waste your car’s fuel, your personal resources, and especially your time thinking it will impress them if the circumstances continuously favour them and not you.
I always get shit on in the end. In most cases, the harshest breakups are usually the cause of extreme frustration. It’s no surprise that cheating, deceit, abuse, and other like-things that cause tremendous hurt at the end of a relationship cause ugly breakups. So if you haven’t cheated, lied, or harmed your new love, why so much drama? Many things can cause such frustration, such as the person’s space and decisions not being respected. If a guy claims he loves his girlfriend so much all he wants to do is love and squeeze and kiss and hold her as much as possible – he thinks he’s doing things right. She calls it smothering, he calls it affection – who is right and wrong? If a guy tells a girl it’s not working out, but she constantly texts and shows up at his workplace to try and change his mind, things like this could eventually make him snap. She thinks she’s being persistent and showing how much she’s fighting for him. He calls it stalking. Reasons like this are why people feel they keep getting “shit on” after each time they try their hardest. If you're constantly causing someone grief with your well-meaning behaviour, it might be time to consider changing how you've been showing your love.
Get Out of Your Hamster Wheel
By taking some time to analyze the effort you give in a relationship, you might be able to find clues as to why you seem to attract the duds, or end up being the one hurt due to a poor choice in a mate.
You can start by admitting that maybe your standards aren’t working. If you find that you only like blondes, consider that you’ve just narrowed your dating margin because of something trivial like hair colour. This can apply to many features and character traits. Yes, we have preferences – but learning how to expand one’s horizon might actually prove there is something else in a person you have been missing out on that you find replaces the physical preference.
Ask a friend if they’ve noticed a pattern in YOU when you date.
They might easily come up with, “Yeah, you always seem to have sex right away,” or, “You don’t care about your family and friends every time you get together with someone.” These might be things you may not even know you do that if corrected, might change the pattern of “bad luck”.
Get rid of the deadweight.
If you have idiot friends who are cramping your style when you go out, maybe it’s time to take in your social inventory. Look at who monopolizes your time and attention in-person and on social media. If you know they should be reined in, then do it. Potential partners usually notice the company you keep – and yes, it does say something about you.
Above all, if you’re happy while you’re single, you’ll be happy when you’re in a relationship.
Ignore the people who try and set you up if you aren’t ready, or people who think you’re less of yourself without someone. If you’re not ready, people with poor relationship skills will target this and it never starts (or ends) well.
You are worth someone giving their A-game in a relationship. Settling on things that you traditionally have found important might not be enough. Take an honest look at your role in relationships-past and find out what it is in you that needs to change in order to attract the best person for you.