My Recent Experience With Online Dating.

Disclaimer: I am in no way saying that all men are like this or that some women don't act the same way, I am just sharing my personal experiences.

I have been single for three years now, I have dated a bit in that time but nothing serious. I had a break from men for the last year so last week I decided to join a dating site, my site of choice was oasis.com. In my profile I stated clearly that I am not after fun or anything causal, I want to date and get to know someone blah blah blah...

I have three experiences that stood out from the many..

The Bitch Move
I accepted the request of a guy who's profile was similar to mine, he said he wants to get to know someone, he is looking for a serious relationship, etc. sends me a message "come over to my place we can have a few drinks and some fun together (ended with his phone number)"

I was quite annoyed because my profile states I am not looking for casual fun, I didn't respond to him but I took his phone number and posted a personals ad on Craigslist with a body pic of myself and his number. His phone would have blown up with messages/calls 😂

Stage 5 clinger
This one makes me a little sad because he seemed awesome.... at first.

I have always been reluctant to date men with kids but I didn't realise he had kids till after I got to know him a bit and he seemed really awesome so I thought I'd give it a go.

Our conversarion quickly moved from Oasis to Kik. We spoke all day for two days, we had so much in common it was great! We planned to meet on Saturday night, everything was going great until he told me he was falling in love with me, he told me that we're meant to be together, God brought us together for a reason and all these other crazy things and we hadn't even met yet!

I quickly had to end it there because it was a bit intense, I told him honestly why I didn't want to meet him and then blocked him so he proceeded to make a fake Oasis profile, add me then confess who he is and continue to profess his love for me and why I can't leave him.

I shortly after deleted my Oasis profile.

The Devil in Disguise

I am a Christian so it's important to me to be with

a Christian man, which was also clearly stated on my profile, so I met who I thought was a lovely Christian man. He said all the right things, really drew me in. I remember telling him a few minutes into our first phone conversations that he is a sweet talker, I wish I had listened to myself and gotten out at the start.

This is the guy I spoke to for the longest time, I continued to speak to him after I had deleted Oasis and on Friday night we decided to meet. He told me he wanted to date and get to know me, he said he was going to work hard to win me over and he would do that by taking me out for dinner so here I am ready for a great dinner date but he goes and gets us fast food to eat in his car after he fingered me then wouldn't stop begging me to suck his cock.

I know I shouldn't have let it get that far but I got caught up in the moment and buckled, it's always been difficult for me to have self control in these situations but I'm trying to get better at it.

Anyway afterwards I told him it was a mistake and I'd like to never see him again because that's not the kind of relationship I want. I want a man who thinks I'm worth actually dating not eating fast food in your car. I told him the truth and he lost it at me, saying I'm making up excuses because that excuse isn't good enough, he couldn't understand where I was coming from because he saw nothing wrong with what happened.
Those are the three experiences that stood out the most to me, I don't understand why online dating is like this. Just be clear about what your intentions are, it's not that difficult to be honest and if someone isn't after the same thing then just leave them alone!! If someone wants causal don't try to make it serious or if someone wants serious don't try to make it casual.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Those are certainly some awful experiences. I have done internet dating at three different times: 2007-2008, 2015, and 2017. I have met a few women who lacked substantial character and values but I have also met a few women of exceptional character. Dating is an ongoing process of meeting potential candidates and discovering that they are not right for you and that continues until you meet one who is right for you. . . and then you are finished because you have found The One.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Lol I love the raccoon meme😂😂👏👏

    I feel ya on the clinger. One guy wanted to marry me because he's also a virgin and felt that he could have "guiltless sex"... ya no thanks. He seemed so devout though, like he was very involved with the church but I only knew him a couple of days before he said all that.

    Congrats on staying strong enough to not engage in any oral or p in the v sex. I have a hard time with self control if I'm very attracted to a guy so I don't even bother dating them!

    There's a good book I'm reading called "Finding a man worth keeping" by Victorya Michaels Rogers. It's worth the read, you should check it out if your library has it.
    GOD BLESS ✌

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Join the discussion

What Guys Said 31

  • Whoever you are, you just wrote this because I made a Take about experience with women on dating sites, which must've bothered you. And your title is even very close to mine. Nor did you even have the courage to show yourself and post it. Lol.

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    • I haven't even seen your mytake...

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    • For real, that was one next level article. The entire internet was raving about it for weeks.

    • Yes and it bothered me so much that I just had to write an opposing article 😂

  • Given the amount of women online who put things up like "Not here for hookups" and "Sapiosexual" and "Would like something serious" and "Not into casual dating" when they want the exact opposite, it's no surprise that you found such people online. Women tend to do that, so that they can go for the ones who appeal to them. They're not seriously suggesting those things. Very few actually do. It's hard to find people online, specially men, because the ones women are after have too many options to actually get into serious stuff, and the ones that don't get any women get too seriously involved in the first place. Now, let us take a look at your faults:
    1. For Guy no 1, you misinterpreted what he said. Sure, he might have been inviting you over for casual sex, but just because he mentioned fun, it doesn't mean that he doesn't want anything serious. I wonder how appealing it would be to sit together and start family planning with someone you just met. Fun is an essential part in getting to know someone.

    2. No fault there. That guy was clingy.

    3. You let him finger you, but you didn't return the favour when it was your turn to do so. In the male interaction book, that amounts to exploitation. That guy probably feels used now, and it's pretty obvious if he sees what you say as excuses. Let me tell you a thing about Fuckboys. If he's a fuckboy, you wouldn't get to know about it until after he has already used you, perhaps multiple times.
    Good luck with your further escapades.

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    • He most certainly is a fuckboy, he lied about his intentions to try to get what he wants. Just because a fuckboy is unsuccessful it doesn't make him any less of a fuckboy.

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    • Also, calling him a fuckboy doesn't take away the guilt I feel. I fucked up, I did the wrong thing and I know that BUT he did the wrong thing AS WELL.

      I don't get what you're or understanding here?

    • Not understanding*

  • Ahh online dating. I've had good and bad experiences with it, so on that I agree there can be a lot of disappointment in online dating. What I've come to realise in my experiences is that people both men and women, often omit their negative traits or if they do mention it, they downplay it.

    From what I can see on your post, you've made some petty revenge (craiglist), but I understand why you did it, not that I condone it. Regardless, I wish you the best that there is someone you can truly hold to your standard.

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  • The reason why there are so many men who presume women are easy to have sex with is because there are so many women who are easy to have sex with.

    You should be prosecuted for posting that man's contact info fraudulently. That means 30 days in jail, pay him $10,000, and be prohibited from using internet or a cell phones for one year.

    As far as "if someone wants serious don't try to make it casual." That is wrong because people lie or don't know what they want. Plenty of women who say they want a LTR leading to marriage will have sex on the first date with just some guy.

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  • The bitch move is…with all seriousness really bitch move. Really? You had to do that? Imagine, if some guy did this to you. How cool wit that would you be? Why wouldn’t you more reasonable in that situation? Actually replying, for example. Tell him, what you want and so on. Having reasonable discussion. Nope. But hey, at least you had lolz, right?
    OK, the second one…that’s little bit…creepy? No, maybe too much sharing too sun? I’ve done that as well.
    Ah, you are believing in certain superstitial nonsense make up by antient desert people. :-) Good to know. :-) Just checking. And stating the facts. In condescended and arrogant way, I grant you that.
    Anyway, the last one. Well…you had really bad luck. I hope you don’t think, that all men are like that. This one has very different idea of date. :-D
    Here is the thing though. One guy (second one) was clear, what his intentions are. Right? He was honest.

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    • He knew what I wanted because it was in my profile and he lied on his profile about what he wants so what would be the point in talking to him about it? Sexual harassment is not ok, I don't understand how people can keep defending him.

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    • OK, OK. Only the first guy. Well, I was, because I’ve thought that you also talking about the other guys. My defense was for them. That talk about honesty and so on, that was for guy 3, I think, I don’t know anymore, I know one thing: it wasn’t for guy 1. :-)
      Fuck, now I’m lost. :-D No, I wasn’t defending the guy 1, really.
      But…when you know, that what you’ve done was bitch move, why would you do that?

    • Yeah you are lost coz your replies aren't even making sense.

  • Most girls that put only looking for something serious on their dating profile are the ones that have one night stands and put out. The guys on there have already figured that out. All you have to do is block them. There are some crazy girls online too, not just guys. Hell I've been chewed out by a girl because I didn't read her profile and didn't have a masters degree. Or because I'm short. I've had girls message me and say are you really only 5'4''? I message back and say yeah, aren't glad I'm honest about it?

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    • No, I shouldn't have to block people. These men should read my profile and respect what I say, why are people excusing these guys shitty behaviour?

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    • You don't sound like a gentlemen to me, just assuming girls are looking to hook up when they say they are looking for a serious relationship.

    • That's what I've heard from talking to others who did online dating. I was just trying to help you understand where guys are coming from when they message you. Not once did I ever message a girl saying hey lets fuck, or hey lets meet at my place. Why? Because I don't want that I want to get to know her and hang out with her a few times, let things progress naturally.

  • I love reading this kind of thing. It makes me laugh. It's like a train wreck in slow motion, only better.

    Every time a woman whined about dating, I giggle. They get ONE SMALL TASTE of what the majority of men have to deal with constantly, and its the end of the world.

    Reinforced my decision to not date, just fuck.

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    • So you think you women don't constantly have to deal with these kinds of things while dating? It's not any worse for women than it is for men.

      I wasn't complaining, I was sharing my experiences.

  • At least you didn't end up buried in the desert like many girls do. Or chained up in some guy's basement.

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  • So basically what you did was reward a guy who ignored that you said you were a christian and not interested in casual things by letting him finger you in his car...

    I'm sure that will totally convince guys reading this to act like gentlemen and respect what women write on their profiles.

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    • Well he wasn't really rewarded, I got off and he didn't lol

  • "he goes and gets us fast food to eat in his car after he fingered me then wouldn't stop begging me to suck his cock."

    Some Christian woman you are... lol. Anyways I hate to break it to you but the reason many of us are like this is because it WORKS. It gets girls out on dates, etc.

    Except for the clingy single dad... that case is a bit pathetic to be honest

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    • I am a Christian woman and I am a great Christian woman, just because I made a mistake that doesn't mean I am not a good person. Christians are just normal people, we stuff up but the main thing is that we realise and we strive to do better.

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    • I think God is on my side here! I do like sluts though, they make my life easy =P

      God! Who's side are you on?

    • Lol ok buddy.

  • The first one is hilarious but very fucked up. At the same time, I'm sure he was able to find out where these guys were getting his number and have the listing taken down if he was smart. I honestly think he deserved a prank like that being played on him for having no tact whatsoever.

    The internet is unfortunately not a great way to screen people. People can basically create a false image of themselves via an online profile, and then we lack all the normal social cues that would allow us to weed out the weirdos and the fakes. While there are tons of normal people on online dating sites, there are tons of weirdos as well (guys seem to be the primary offenders here although not always).

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  • Man, it appears that people can't just be straightforward when it comes to online interactions.

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    • I think if you put that you're looking for sex, the mods will just delete your profile, or you will get reported by all the girls not looking for it and you'll get deleted.

    • @red324 That's not true, plenty of people had on their profiles that were looking for fun.

  • At least you get dates and massages.
    I usually get the silent treatment, or they talk to me for a bit and then go silent.

    I find females are extremely judgmental on those sites, and look for the quickest and fastest flaw just to go silent.

    Ex. "Yeah, I am not the biggest fan of broccoli."
    "Doesn't like broccoli? I'm out!"

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    • I rather get ignore than be treated like I'm a worthless piece of meat, at least if someone ignores you they are basically telling your they're not interested.

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    • Dude broccoli is fucking bomb, that's a totally valid reason to dip. LOL.

    • @frozenhorizon Also a broccoli lover here, I would not judge them based on their likes/dislikes of food. Everyone has different taste buds. I hope everyone finds love, real love that is unconditional.

  • You posted one guys phone number on Craigslist and let another guy finger you in his car. You sound disgusted by this guy saying that you're Christian and want a Christian man, although it sounds like this guy is about as close to god as you are.

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    • I know I stuffed up, I am trying to change my ways and I have come far because the old me would have slept with him, it wouldn't have ended at being fingered and I would have been ok with a guy who doesn't think I'm worth dating.

      The difference between him and I is that I realised that we shouldn't have done that, I know it was wrong but he didn't think there was anything wrong with what happen that night. To him it's fine to promise a girl a dinner date then get fast food to eat in the car, to him it was ok to get sexual on a first date and beg me to suck him off then get angry when I refused to.

      We are all on a journey, I have my struggles but the main thing is that I acknowledge them and I keep trying, I keep fighting to be a better person.

    • Hey, to admit that you have faults is something that I respect.(I know I have my fair share of them!) Some people have a tendency to blame other people rather than look at what they could be doing different, I guess that kind of thing just drives me nuts sometimes. Thanks for giving me such a mature and well thought out reply! I hope that I wasn't being too judgmental in the first place.

  • You shouldn't have done that to the guy who asked you over for drinks. And going off at a guy after you let him finger you anyway. Getting mad at him because he got fast food, how about next time you take the guy out and pay for the meal.

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    • He asked me out so he should take me out, he said he was coming to pick me up to take me out when he obviously didn't plan to do that at all.

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    • I'm talking about first dates here, you can have your opinion and I can have mine. Mine will not change, in my opinion the person who initiates it should pay ESPECIALLY if that person has stated "I'm going to take you out for dinner"

    • I frequently see a guy and a girl at subway when I go, makes me wonder if my dates are too extravagant. lol

  • I've been on Plenty-of-fish. com, some other websites the experiences with them were mediocre, but with hi-we is good, some time ago, I actually text back and forth with female daters on my phone, don't even get me started with tinder, they don't respond like they should. They are huge douches.

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  • "so here I am ready for a great dinner date but he goes and gets us fast food to eat in his car after he fingered me" are you just mad that he didn't buy you steak?

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    • Not mad at all, he just isn't right for me.

    • I don't know why you were complaining about getting fast food then, I always like free food.

    • Because he promised to take me out for dinner, he said he was interested in getting to know me, he said he was going to work for it and win me over. Then when he showed up to take me out to dinner all he wanted to do was come to my place and get me to make him dinner. When I said no, I want to go out to dinner like he said we would we then went to the restaurant, he ordered it take away... I was thinking he wanted to go by the river and eat there but no... he has other intentions.

      Yes I gave in to temptation BUT looking back his intentions were clear from the start when he kept asking to come to my place instead of going out. He lied to me, he never had any intention of getting to know me.

  • The only thing that I agree with is that the bitch move was a bitch move on your part.

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    • It wasn't really here for you to agree or disagree with, I'm I simply sharing my experiences.

    • And I'm sharing my experience of reading it.

    • Not really, you shared your opinion lol

  • Thank you for sharing your experience

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  • Did the fast food guy still have the burger grease on his fingers when he fingered u?

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    • Wait nvm I misread he got fast food after. Well now I know that to finger someone all I need to do is tell her I'm a Christian man.

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    • Lol it sounds like it worked

    • I'm sure you always feel that way but I just think you're stupid and dirty lol so if that's what you were going for then it sure did work.

  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 18

  • I guess it's true... "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince" ;)
    I've been on a couple dating sites but never really talked much, let alone meet up with anyone from there. I had it just to see how it was and if what people say about them is true.

    I met my current guy online, but not on a dating site. Both of us weren't looking and we started off as friends, became close/best friends real quick (because we have so much in common and an amazing connection), and then... here we are :)

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  • The fact that you took his number and posted it on craigslist makes you look like an idiot. You should have just ignored his message.

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    • I don't really care what it makes me look like lol sexual harassment is not ok, he has learnt that the hard way.

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    • @zagor If he came up to me and asked me that out of nowhere, no prior contact then I would tell him to go fuck himself because it is not ok to treat people like that!!

    • Couldn't agree more.

  • Is this for real? The first "revenge" one seems way over-the-top for just sending a message without reading your profile first. I mean it would be great revenge for a guy who was being a real asshole, but guys send copy-paste messages without reading profiles all the time, and it's annoying but hardly a crime. The clinger sounds like a nightmare, but the last one was basically a failure of both of you to communicate expectations...
    I'm not saying online dating can't be horrible or that this couldn't be genuine, something just seems "off" to me, sorry.

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  • Lol this made my day

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  • I love what you did with the first guy lmfao. And then i bet if the second guy was any hotter it wouldve turned out like the third guy. I had the same experience that you had with the third guy. We spoke for almost a year and i was quite afraid to meet him so eventually i went on a coffee date and this guy wanted a kiss so i kissed him cause i didn't think it could harm anyone but he wanted to pull me into the back of his shop to do more probably. So then he kept asking for nudes and even though i hated

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    • The idea i did it and he kept telling me how i must drive to his place and have sex.. what the hell. I kept talking to him then he ignored me an i became pissed off an three days later he asked if he's just a stranger to him. Online dating is ridiculous. Those guys think you're desperate and would do anything to be liked or t into a relationship so they try to take advantage.

    • It has nothing to do with how hot the second guy was, I wouldn't have been speaking to him if I didn't find him attractive.

  • online dating is tough! you never know what your gonna get, if they will be the same in person as they are online! BUT there are a couple good guys out there, i met my current boyfriend of 5 years online! good luck in the future!

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  • OMG honey I've so been there. This is why I haven't dated in over two years. I had one drink the other night with a guy from work, but that was the first time since April 2015.

    I used to be a Christian and was on Christian Mingle and eHarmony. What I learned is that lots of guys will say they're Christian to get women to sleep with them, because they think Christian girls have fewer STDs. Seriously, it's so depressing I just masturbate when nature calls, and hang out with girlfriends now.

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    • I was thinking of trying Eharmony, I thought maybe because it's a paid one the guys will be more serious. I guess not 🙄

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    • However... I must say as a disclaimer that I do know several happily married couples who DID meet online. So it can happen.

    • The comment that earned me a scathing lecture was, "So are you a leg man or a breast man?" It was Thanksgiving. I was joking about turkey but working an innuendo in there and he thought it was SCANDALOUS! LOL

  • I hate how you have to put a disclaimer when its common sense not everyone acts like the person/people in your mytake.

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    • "not all men are like that"

      "women are bad too"

      I put the disclaimer to stop those comments because they annoy me, like you said.. it's common sense right? Not to everybody apparently because even the disclaimer didn't stop people from responding like that.

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    • Actually because you were being rude and you think no one will call you out on it if they feeling you are being rude to them? Like are you for real lol so you think you can rude to anyone and people should shouldn't call your ass when your acting out? Ok then keep living in your delusional world just know not everyone going to put up with your rude ass. And you still an ass since you still trying to justify shitty behaviour.

    • You can call me what ever you like sweetheart, I actually don't care 😂 I find this funny because you think I'm getting all emotional when I'm sitting here laughing at how much you have over reacted to this conversation.

      I said "what's you're problem" and that set you right off 😂😂

  • I stopped trying to do online dating because I never met anyone whom I actually wanted to date. My last two boyfriends I met in person. I like it better that way

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  • Well guys know what girls want to hear. Of course they would put on their profile that they are into serious relationship and even use God's name to attract girls when in fact they are legit fuckboys.
    What I've learned from being on a dating site is to never invest physically, emotionally or even financially haha. Don't trust men right away. Let them prove they are worth your trust. Be careful. A lot of garbage spreads on dating sites.

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  • How is it his fault? How did it ever lead to that point where your bottoms were off especially in small spaces aka the car? You could have said something beforehand about everything.. just wondering...

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    • Like I said in the post I buckled, I have an issue with self control when it comes to sex and I was weak. So afterwords when removed from the heat of the moment I realised this isn't what I wanted and I ended it.

    • Everyone makes mistakes, part of growth in mindset. Next time, someone interesting enough for you to get to know comes along.. Make the date and plan it so that way you really can get to know him more in a neutral setting and if he tries to overstep your line, you can simply tell him that kind of behavior is unacceptable. I hope this helps.

    • That's the thing, we did have a plan. He lives about an hour away from me so when he said he was picking me up to take me out to dinner I am the one who got to choose where. I chose a really chilled out charcoal chicken shop but when we were there he decided to order it to go and said we would go somewhere else. I didn't realise that his intentions was to sit in his car and eat then try to make me suck him off.

      I have learnt from this though, I have learnt to stand my ground so this will not happen to me again.

  • Yes online dating isn't always worth it

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  • Thanks for sharing

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  • Slightly concerned by this post. I mean the first one you basically bullied that guy. All you had to do is say no. He didn't say you definitely have to. Didn't say he was going to rape you. And you basically spread his info against his will.
    If anything you should of done it to the second
    As for the 3rd, you can't really let a guy finger you then wonder why he doesn't treat you. Like the saying 'why but the cow when you get the milk for free'

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    • I never said I wonder why he didn't treat me right lol it happened, I knownjt shouldn't have so I ended it.

  • "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Or Just put his number on Craigslist.

    You wanted that demon finger in your sinful hole and you loved it. You're just bitter that he bought you a burger and not a fillet mignon. You should have asked for the tubesteak if you wanted the grade A treatment.

    Christian? You misspelled "hypocrite".

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    • Lmfao.. wtf? 😂😂

      I made a mistake, I was weak and I gave in to temptation but I realised what I did was wrong and I put an end to it before it went too far which the old me wouldn't have done, I would have went the whole way. So talk down to me all you want, judge me all you want but at the end of the day that's not your place to judge me so your words mean nothing to me.

    • He bought me chicken by the way.. not a burger.

  • There's more negative than positive I've found

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  • You're braver than I am, I would never date online

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  • lol at the devil in disguise. yes there is always that guy that will say all the right things, play all the right games, and at the end of it make you buckle and do what they want. as far as online dating goes, i met a guy liike this and unfortunately it just won't work out because he can't treat me right... although i felt like he was a good fit for me.

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