6 Things You Should NOT Discuss on a First Date

We all have ideas and opinions that are near and dear to our hearts, and naturally it is desired to find a long-term partner who is on par or accepts our beliefs. However, some things are best left unsaid on FIRST dates, or even the very beginning stages of getting to know each other.

The important thing is to put your best self forward and find the great things that make you both click personally. In some cases, some information is simply not an issue and it isn’t until many dates later (or longer) that something important about you is then discovered.

Your first date, and the early stages of your relationship should grow based on the chemistry you share. After that, the serious side of what you believe in, or even your kooky idiosyncrasies can be shared or found out later – but by then, you might have found the right partner for you!

Here are the six topics that shouldn't be discussed on first date:

Six Things You Should NOT Discuss on a First Date

1. “I’m a feminist.”

Almost guaranteed not to score you a second date. When women tell each other this fact, we can fill in the blanks with what aspect of feminism we stand for. If the woman is simply a global feminist and she just believes women worldwide shouldn’t be denied basic human rights – that is much different than a woman who acts locally who attends marches and may even view feminism with no wiggle room for Red Pill views. The discussion might be too deep for a first date.

2. “I’m MGTOW.”

You likely aren’t on the date to begin with, but having to explain which level of MGTOW you are is a bit too much for a woman to handle immediately. You as a MGTOW man (willing to date) will probably get cues from the woman if she’s traditional, modern, or fiercely independent. Instead of declaring what you are not willing to tolerate from women, decide what you will accept (it comes across a lot more sensitive). Women are sensitive creatures by nature and they want to find open-doors in relationships instead of closed ones.

3. “I’m atheist.”

Atheism still has a stigma of negativity, immorality, and in some cases – evil depending on what degree of religious the other person is. People who don’t understand atheism tend to start comparing and imagining a life with someone who may seem intolerable to what is important to them as far as faith goes. Atheists willing to get involved with religious or non-religious people don’t require sharing this information so soon if it’s not going to be as important.

4. “I’m religious.”

If your date is not religious, or not religious as much as you are, making it clear that your beliefs rule your life automatically make the other person feel like they will always at least come second, and their wants and needs have to be below your religion. If your date is religious – great! They will understand that your religion take precedence in your life. But are you willing to deny love if someone you are attracted to and can see a life with doesn’t share your beliefs? If this person seems to be everything you want, then let the relationship progress for a few dates before making your religion be known how important it is to you.

5. “I’m in therapy.”

People who have overcome life’s obstacles such as mental illness, substance abuse, family/domestic violence, rape, and anything else traumatic often find that their recovery has been beneficial and are encouraged to talk about it. Think of Alcoholics Anonymous when the key is all about “sharing”. The problem is, when the person is ready to date – “sharing” might not be a terrific thing to do with something so intimate about your personal mental progression. Someone who has never experienced these things might assume that their role in your life is going to be a human life preserver. Let them get to know the you beyond the recovery on the first date.

6. “I need to have my fetish needs met.”

Whether you like to dress up like a baby and have your diapers changed, being whipped with a cat o’nine tails, or being cuckolded – revealing such personal sexual information about yourself tells the other person that you hold that in higher regard than you do any other compatibility you might share, and puts them in a position to feel as though they might be pressured to engage in your fetish in order to make you happy. Most people can agree that sexual information of all kinds is not necessary on a first date. Save it when you get to the point in your relationship when you share sexual health history.

The Goodnight Kiss Parting Words

If these things are absolutely necessary to discuss in order to decide whether you can imagine spending a long-term commitment with – perhaps they should be said prior to the first date. However, you might be pleasantly surprised what kind of ground you can cover on a first date when you leave these sorts of topics off the table, focusing on light conversation and recognizing your chemistry beyond it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Excellent advice. I'd add in talking about politics, exes, and anything else with the potential to be contentious, too.

    Need to talk about those, for sure, just not on the first date.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Good thing I never discuss this. Mostly because every time the other person does it, it puts me in an awkward position. I have opinions on everything. I have opinions on pockets which I think they should be bigger. I have strong opinions so I will likely try to take a centralized position on something I feel strongly about even though I know it's impossible.

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Join the discussion

What Guys Said 32

  • Lol... I was 100% with you on number 1. I don't know what MGTOW is so dunno what to tell you there.
    But 3, 4 and 5, you are 100% out of your mind wrong.
    The whole point of dating is to find out if you are a match for each other. Honestly all but 1 and 6 are definitely things you should talk about. And WTF do you have against therapy? I have been in therapy a number of times in my life. Unfortunately, young people who are not educated enough about it, think of it as a negative. ALL people would benefit from therapy. Not only does it help you learn how to look at things differently, but it helps you deal with a lot of stuff. Sometimes it just lets you get things off you chest. Why get through a 1st date and go on a 2nd if there are things that are 100% deal breakers involved? I have no desire to be with anyone so closed minded they would stop dating me because I see a therapist once a month or so. I also have no desire to date a religious whack job. Better to find out sooner then later. That is the whole point of dating. And by the way... women are the only ones that have issues with talking about sex on the first date. And usually just young women. Women in their 40's and 50's are like guys in our teens/20's... very sexually aggressive. I have a rule not to bring up sex before the woman does. It makes her know that I am interested in her for her and not just sex. Since women can't seem to comprehend that a guy wants both. And that rule gets me laid a lot faster. But usually, women bring up sex when chatting online, before we even get to the first date lol...

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  • Religious is kind of a gray area.

    If someone is only looking for a religious/atheistic person, then bringing it up on the first date actually isn't a bad thing.
    Why waste time if it's that much of a deal breaker?

    If they match, then they will be enthused by it, and if not, then you weren't going to work out anyways.

    Of course, that could also be found out BEFORE a first date, by looking in certain circles or looking at social media.

    But yeah, if it's important to you, but not something you need in a partner (besides a tolerant attitude towards it) then not bringing it up is a good idea.

    You didn't include politics, which is important to some people, but not usually important enough to be a deal breaker to most people.

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    • This: "Of course, that could also be found out BEFORE a first date, by looking in certain circles or looking at social media." - I was going to answer that before you answered it yourself. :D I think if this is just so important people should be clear before going out the first time. I never used to even grant someone a first date if they had dealbreakers like that. Why waste time on even one evening?

      "You didn't include politics, which is important to some people, but not usually important enough to be a deal breaker to most people."
      I fear my myTakes tend to be long. I've been trying to shorten them up - but believe me, several other issues didn't make the cut either.

  • I want to know straight up before we both ever date. Don't take to kindly to those who wish to waist my time and resources. Getting to know someone else as a stranger first then a compatable partner next , isn't as hard as one would think. If openness, willingness , character and personality aren't glowing immediately and have a definite glow and flow to it , then it's not going to be worth even going forward at that point. First impressions are either the deal breaker or deal maker. Pay special attn. to commitment decisiveness in that person also.

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  • Surprisingly, I can agree with most of this, save for the MGTOW and atheist parts.

    I don't mind religion in natural (so long as they are respectful of non-religious or don't try to reconvert religious defectors such as myself) however I really don't want to date a religious zealot. If the woman I am dating happens to be that, I'm better off splitting the bill and moving on, or avoid going out in the first place.

    As for the MGTOW section, it seems more like you've added them in just for the sake of some 'balance' often with the "feminism vs. MGTOW" comparison. I'd say "feminism vs. masculism" is more a fitting term and by masculists, I mean - MRAs, PUAs, FRAs, GRAs (gay rights activists, part of the LGBTQ movement), etc.

    MGTOW men also don't date women, any man claiming to be MGTOW and in a relationship is an impostor (and likely a purple-pilled man). That's not to say MGTOW men won't hook-up with females though. I myself I'm not a fan of sex, but I definitely don't mind making out with a woman (plus my wedgie fetish) if offered.

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  • Well, not necessarily on the first date, but rather sooner than later, before you already invested emotionally. I mean in the end these things make up quite a chunk of your personality and will therefor be something that decides wether you are compatible or not. in my opinion waiting till the last minute would be disrespectfull to your date.
    Unless you just want a casual hook up, then it doesn't really matter I guess.

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    • First thing to assess is, what kind of relationship the both of you are open for. I read so much from people not knowing each others expectations until they couldn't but argue over it.
      Second, and that basically goes hand in hand with number one, are procreational expectations. If one wants kids and the other doesn't, the case is already closed.
      Next is religion, as it is one of the most personal things, and usually a big deal for people.
      Politics can be on the same level as religion, but way less often. If it is important to you, definitely bring it up.

  • I disagree on religion. And I disagree because it is a dealbreaker.
    It is best for both to discover as early as possible that they are incompatible in their religious points of view and to move on.

    I am a weak atheist, meaning, that the entire concept of religion and religious belief is simply alien to me. Outside of a fuckbuddy, I could never connect to a religous person because most her defining personality is simply alien to me.

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  • It's silly to keep religion off the table if you are looking for a long-term partner and religious compatibility is important to you. It's fine to discuss your beliefs but be respectful of the other person's beliefs.

    A first date is not a good time to discuss sexual preferences, especially in repressive cultures like the US. Save that for more intimate moments. But if you have desires that you can't live without, then don't drift into a long-term relationship without mentioning them.

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  • Oddly enough, if you mention number 1 on a date with me I'd be perfectly able to discuss it in depth. I've had a lot of cool and uncool learning experiences in that department.
    I would check on religious beliefs though on the first date with a total stranger. It helps make sure problems won't pop up later when you're more attached to each other.
    What do you think about discussing marriage or child plans on the first date?

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  • Kind of agree but only if it's becoming sensitive, big deal or conflicting.
    I have a friend, who lives far away and with him i speak about all sorts of things including religion and politics. With him we may not really share the views on some topics but we don't let it get in our way because we are both open minded.
    Keyword: Open minded.
    Have that and you can discuss absolutely anything without any boundaries as long as its sincere..

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  • I wouldn't be bother if a woman mentioned any of this during a date, i would have a problem though if she was trying to push them on me like my views on the mater are irrelevant. but then again I don’t really like obsessives of any sort.

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  • I also think Exes shouldn't be talked about nor should past sex partners/encounters/abortions and other personal/intimate details.

    I've had dates do that and not only is it disrespectful but it's like why the fuck do you wanna think/talk about that in the first place? At least that early on. Not even from a judgmental standpoint but it makes things awkward and very uncomfortable.

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  • I'm fine if the person is religious but not super religious, however the others are a no no for me

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  • Why?
    A lot of these topics are deal breakers, why do you wish to waste people's time by avoiding them?

    I don't get you people.

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    • I guess you didn't read my last paragraph. Look after your dealbreakers before the first date.

  • I don't think any of these topics are a no-no (except for the fetish one). Honestly, I'd want to know if she's a feminist or a religious nutcase so I can say no to a second date. Those things are turn off, so whether she says it on the first date or the 10th, it's gonna lead to never seeing her again, so I'd much rather not waste my time.

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    • Would you rather she tell you immediately before you even agree to go out? I think that's my point. If something is such a dealbreaker, why not have it known so both of you aren't wasting time?

    • Yes, if we do talk enough before going on the first date, I would like she tells me before.

  • A MGTOW wouldn't go on a date to begin with, a red-pilled person however would

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    • This. MGTOW have had enough with women and MGTOW most likely don't even date at all.

  • I totally bring up religion and politics on the first date. There's no way I'm dating anyone other than a far-right Catholic.

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    • Religion might be something youd want to share but politics? youd never date someone with different politics?

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    • really I think my boyfriend would have something to say :)

    • @Tanisha69 shhh he doesn't have to know lol

  • dont talk about POLITICS, RELIGION, MONEY, or anything idealistic if you want that 2nd date!

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  • I actually agree with most of these!

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  • Yes, wait for the second date to tell them you're a Satanist, pedophile, or jihadist.

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    • Shall I have added a subsection of just general horribleness? These are six common things that people have strong opinions or beliefs (and feelings) about and people tend to make the mistake of talking about them on first dates.

      But as a word of warning to someone who puts themselves on the market who is into horrible activity, yes, those are things that should be addressed prior to the date in fairness to the other person. If they agree to still go out with you - great. Don't let them go.

  • I think religion is a big one, definitely. Some religious people can't tolerate atheism, and some atheists scorn religious people and see them as ignorant. Best to avoid that one for a bit

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What Girls Said 13

  • Um. No. These are things you should discuss so people can get to know who you really are about and they can cut loose if they aren't interested. That is DATING. If I sense and feel that person is not being truthful, that will be the last date they will ever have. If this can't be discussed on the 1t date, well you BETTER say something before that 1st date. I screen ANYBODY after they ask about me dating them. This is why I would never date strangers. EVER.

    "But are you willing to deny love if someone you are attracted to and can see a life with doesn’t share your beliefs?" Yes. Yes, I would. Because I don't LOVE THEM in that way. I have to know who they are before I can give my heart to such a person. You can't love somebody on the 1st date. You can't. If so, that means you're either very unrealistic or your extremely certain this is the kind of person you want to marry now. By all means, it's all good. But not as smart. I overall like the myTake. But things like that definitely needs to be disclosed on the 1st date or even before depending on how they even said YES in the first place. We have too many people dating strangers instead of being friends for a while first.

    "If these things are absolutely necessary" Actually these things should be the general rule everybody should follow. But sadly everybody won't follow them because they DON'T want to think about it. They just want a date and have a dating partner. They want to cross the bridge before they get to it. They want to rush. They don't want to be alone and will take anybody that is interested. They would rather brush it under the rug just for a girlfriend or boyfriend. These are the ones who don't take dating seriously. Overall you have a point. But it's not realistic to these people.

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    • "But things like that definitely needs to be disclosed on the 1st date or even before depending on how they even said YES in the first place."

      This coincides with my last paragraph of the Take.

    • But how many people actually care to follow that advice? That's the question. That's why I wrote what I wrote because people sadly don't care. They want sex and somebody to call their partner. That's it. They don't care about the details. They rather experience the details. So I think what should be more effective is discussing how one should go about finding a partner before going on the 1st date in a myTake. I would do it. But I don't know how to do so, especially if I want to add stuff. And break down the process into 2-3 parts.

  • I already know for fact that I will not be happy without a fellow BDSM loving Pagan. So those two would already have been crossed off before the first date. And, as both these groups tend to be more progressive and open to diversity, I don't think either gender regime will be an issue for me either.

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  • before i found my faith i dated whatever kind of guys. afterwards saying i were religious was my no 1 filter. i was clear i wanted that from the first date. if the man was spitting half-words, and "ehmm you could take the kids and go to church without me", and "what are sacraments and prayer, is that a dessert?"and stuff like that, i filtered them out from the very first moment. if Christ is no 1 in your life he becomes the mirror and filter that filters everything else. and you learn to tell appart "good" from GOOD. and i don't regret doing that cause i found a truly godly man, thats as faithful as i am if not more, and i lead a happy life with a spiritually healthy person. no more drama in my life. if his goal in life was not unity with the Holy Trinity and his fellow humans as mine is, he wouldn't be marriage material to me. for us marriage is two people carrying their cross together not some fancy social event.

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  • I honestly believe for each person and each date, there are a different set of rules that apply. If you both are religious, then it's completely okay to discuss religion on the first date. Even if one of you are religious, it's good to get that out there in-case the other person really isn't into dating someone like that. Religion is a big part of a lot of peoples lives, I don't think that's something to be disclosed.

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  • Ay. I identify as Christian and go to church (my mother is a pastor, growing up not knowing otherwise, 'as for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord', all that jazz) but I don't actually talk about it much or bring up God very often, but I might inadvertently bring it up while telling a story or something (Ie, "after church one day"). If this turns a guy off that much or he doesn't like that, I'd rather we cross that bridge sooner or later. I'm not saying you've got to go to church with me or listen to gospel music or what have you, but I do want you to be understanding of the fact that this is me and the way I've been living for years.

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  • Interesting Take :)

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  • Good tips

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  • True these are very sensitive topics. Most people fight over

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  • Right

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  • i disagree if someone is atheist they have to tell me right away... i will not waste time with someone who doesn't believe in what i believe in

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    • I'm always straight forward about myself even if it fucks things up... and expect the same... if even after being clear with eachother we decide to continue then we will if not then we won't waste eachothers time

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    • than go on thousands of dates and then catch feeling to then realize y'all don't complement eachother... that's why so many relationships fail... cause no one is honest / straighfoward from beginning

    • If you feel that strongly about it and it's a dealbreaker, can you not get to this conclusion before the guy takes you out? That's my point. Having your first date is about putting the feelers out on what you're getting in to, but if you absolutely need a religious connection, why not do this before even one date is to be had?

  • I personally don't believe in talking about sex on the first date.

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  • You forgot discussing politics and mentioning your ex. Both are a huge turn off.

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  • Start venting about your ex. If he does that, I won't even return his calls.

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