A Few Tips On Sending Better Online Dating Messages

Those pesky online dating messages... what do I send? What do I say? Why am I not getting any messages in return? I know standing out with your online dating messages can be daunting at times. I also know that some people think if you cut and paste as many messages as you can you will have better luck. That is just not the case. I wanted to share a few tips with you guys on writing better messages and give you a few ice breakers if you can't think of anything to say.

Now the old wise tale is pick something out of their profile and talk about that, which makes sense... I know. The problem is people will pick anything and just talk about it instead of looking for something that they too are interested in. A profile that lacks narrowed interests will usually not get a bunch of messages because people cannot find something to send you a message about. So make sure your profile stands out with specific interests, hobbies or passions. This will give you a better chance of someone feeling comfortable enough in sending you a message.

So what if their profile is lacking... what if there profile doesn't have much to go on or even worse nothing in it at all. My first piece of advice when this happens is moving on but I know you might want to send them a message based on the photos alone. So here is what I suggest. If the person doesn't have anything in their profile that is worth mentioning or their profile is blank then you go to the next best thing and that is their photos. Comment on their outfits, background scenery, geographical location but whatever you do don't comment on there looks. Now if you are a woman and you want to say the guy is cute then that usually flies with us men. But not on the flip side. Women hear this all the time on how cute they are .. how sexy they appear, etc etc....and it kind of gets old.

Example of this could be:

Love the red dress in photo #3 but I just saw on the news that a bunch of baby squirrels were kidnapped and the video showed a woman in a red dress fleeing the scene. I hope this is just a coincidence? (insert smiley face)

That is one tasty looking burger you are eating .. have you tried the new joint on Main street "Burger Heaven?" They have tater tots ... let that sink in (insert smiley emoji)

So if you are sending messages and are not getting anything back in return then here is why...

You probably are not putting enough effort into your messages and are just sending the basic intros like... Hey .. Hi... How are you... How is your day going?... You're cute...You will not get anything in return on that... because everyone else is sending the same thing... so they will be ignoring all messages that look like this.

So here is what you do... if you have nothing to go on then send something that will GRAB THERE ATTENTION. Just go for it. For example:

Send.... I have an assignment for you.... meet me at the Starbucks on Brewer street at 11 am on Saturday...don't be late. And most importantly... make sure you are not followed. insert smiley face emoji....

Stuff like this is so different more than likely you will get a response... now it could be positive or negative ... doesn't matter. The point of this is to get their attention so that you can talk to them properly. You can make up all kinds of examples for a message like this to be sent. Another example is ...

I have an assignment for you .. meet me for drinks at the pub on 9th street at 7 pm Friday night... don't be late.. and most of all make sure you are not followed (insert smiley face emoji)

This is what I call the James bond playful message. Be creative come up with something on your own much like the examples above. I mean what do you have to lose? I wanted to also give you a few icebreakers that I have found to work just as well. These can be used in the beginning of the conversation or in the middle to spark a thought-provoking dialog so you don't get trapped into the "interview style" back and forth. It also helps you from getting those dreaded YES OR NO answers that go nowhere.

1-5 is really good for Tinder, Bumble, the swipe dating apps as 6-10 are more for Match, Ok Cupid, POF, etc.


1. If you could be a character in any movie, who would you be?

2. What actor/actress would play you in the movie of your life?

3. What’s one thing I should know about you that’s not on your profile?

4. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

5. What’s one thing you’d bring with you to a deserted tropical island?

6. You look like a person who loves adventure....tell me this ... If you had an all expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world where would it be? And who would you take with you?

7. What was your favorite Halloween costume as a kid and if you could go trick or treating as an adult what costume would you wear now?

8. Hey! I just got a message from someone asking how many Cheetos can I fit in my mouth? I need a snappy comeback... HELP (insert smiley emoji)

9. What is the one item you will not eat on your pizza?
A. anchovies
B. Pineapple
C. onions
D all the above.

E. insert topping here

10. If we robbed a bank together for a million dollars what would you spend your half the money on? by the way cute hat, cute dog, etc.

There are many times where you can comment on a certain item in their photo like a hat, dog, outfit but it's just not much to send. So use one of these above (I recommend creating your own) and then at the end insert the comment. Hopefully, these will help you out. I know there are a lot of haters out there on online dating but for the ones who are doing it please give these a shot.

You can contact me at my website. The link in Bio.


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What Girls Said 6

  • looks definitely do matter in a romantic relationship but my relationships are not solely based on them, i like a wee rounded personality to complement their looks. i can't have one without the other, i just wouldn't be happy.

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  • The worst: when a guy just randomly sends his phone number, wtf? 😂

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    • Well online should be easier than real life not harder
      And in real life guys do just drop their numbers and girls call

      Girls that make online dating harder are trouble to begin with lol big time

    • Show All
    • Well impose too
      Sometimes you just meet someone fast and really wanna get to know them

      So you drop your number and they call ir message

      Lots of times I've met girls and literally in 5 mins asked for her number to stay in touch

      That's never happened to you though lol?

    • @TripleAce asking for someone's number and just walking up and handing them yours are two very different things. Even online you should ask if they want to exchange numbers before just sending yours, that's pathetic and presumptuous

  • Isn't it pointless to date people on the internet?

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  • Interesting points

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  • Well done

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  • No offense but the ice breakers are kinda weird. I wouldn't respond to a message with those questions. I just don't think they're relevant or helping the cause.

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What Guys Said 21

  • I never send any messages that just say hi or hey. I actually have done just about everything you already said over the years and still get few replies, and this is because if you're not the race the woman wants or if you aren't what she thinks is good-looking, it's not gonna matter. It will sound like a broken record, but the vast majority of women on dating sites ARE the unrealistic ones. Usually all about money and looks in men, yes. They have all kinds of particulars but offering nothing themselves. There's a reason why they're single.

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  • Has anybody actually tried any of what he said yet? If so, then what are your results?

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    • Thanks for the comment... my clients use these all the time or make up their own that are very similar.

  • I agree with sending different messages to get you noticed but I don't agree with some of these examples.

    "I have an assignment for you." This one sounds kind of bossy to me and a little creepy especially when you add "make sure you aren't followed."

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  • I'll think about this, but I can tell you when a girl sends me a message first, I really don't care much what the message is, most of the time I'll respond to her only if I find her profile interesting 😅

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  • thank you

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  • All you have to say is "If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple"

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  • Hmm, some good ideas here. If I need it again in the future, my profile could definitely do with an overhaul.

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  • I hate when girls say hi isn't enough
    Like get outta here

    In the real world. You say hi and talk after she says hi back

    Not make him chat by himself like he's having a conversation by himself just to get her attention because she wants some snarky witty opener

    It still stands true - online girls are the worst of the bunch lol and they usually have issues to deal with

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  • keep it short

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  • I like it!

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  • I could have done with this advice during my 6 months of using a dating page...

    Simples...

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  • a really really helpful post.

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  • Thank you

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  • Honestly, this doesn't seem like good advice to me concerning the questions and the James Bond messages. Like, I would answer "I have an assignement for you : never text this number again. Make sure not to fail the mission, failure is not an option!"

    The 10 questions just look ridiculous to me, I'd be thinking "Why the hell is this guys asking these weird question?

    I've never tried online dating so I can't confirm if this work or not, but needless to say that I'm very skeptical about it.

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  • Interesting

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  • Why not just talk in real life?

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    • This is aimed at online daters who want to find someone to meet IRL. So sooner or later everyone talks IRL.

  • Sorry but this one is bad, really bad.

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  • Thank you

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  • Online dating and regular dating have done nothing but convince me that i am meant to be forever alone. I'm tired of living right now. What a burden being alive.

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  • Very informative!

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