The word insecure comes up a lot in dating and relationships. It's something thrown around when someone makes decisions that insult their self worth or stays with someone who insults their self worth. It's thrown around when someone doubts their worthiness to be with someone and many, many other times. But what's the difference between being insecure and being a paranoid person?
Being insecure is when you value yourself LESS than you would like to be valued and so you make decisions and behave in ways that you believe will help you feel more valuable. This is obviously not the technical definition, but it's the most accurate one. When a guy or girl sleeps with a lot of people thinking it makes him cool that is insecure. The guy might think he will respect himself more and think of himself as more intrinsically valuable if he does it and for a short time he will but then he will be stuck with himself and what he really thinks about himself. A girl might think she will feel better about herself after being desired in the moment but afterwards will still be left with what she thinks of herself. Similarly, insecure people crave the value they feel they get out of being in a relationship. They need the world to know it and it matters that they are in relationships with people that society values. This is insecurity as it relates to dating and relationships.
Now, being paranoid or in other words finding it very difficult to trust other people is also labeled insecurity, but it's important to distinguish it since the fix is not the same. The insecure person needs to learn to value themselves and not waste so much time valuing others and society. A paranoid person needs to learn that most people are their friends or are open to becoming such relatively easily. The majority of people don't have a chip on their shoulder unless the country is going through some sort of strife that is making the majority of people unhappy.
When you're paranoid, you find yourself doubting your partners. You find yourself possibly performing poorly in bed. This is because you don't trust that they are good people and therefore that having sex with them is a safe thing to do. This actually is very common among girls when hooking up and more and more common among men who have spent time learning to care for the girl before they first have sex. Your trust antenna flares and you're not sure about the person. In relationships, a paranoid person needs constant reassurance and looks at any thoughtless rude comment as proof to run away from the person. If you're paranoid, you may want to explore where you learned that people couldn't be trusted, take more time before getting serious with someone, and maybe even get professional help if you feel its out of your control to trust people more.
But what's not going to help is you valuing yourself more. You value yourself just fine its other people you don't value since you find them so abhorrent and undeserving of your trust. Trying to boost your self esteem ad infinitum isn't going to help you in fact it will probably make you even more self consumed and arrogant. If anything, learn to value yourself less and value others more. They too are capable of being great.