Dating a Friend's Ex: Good Idea or Bad Idea?

Dating a Friend's Ex: Good Idea or Bad Idea?

I think most people have heard of bro code or girl code, which states that "one shall not date a friend's ex," but is that always true? Is there a situation where dating a friend's ex would be totally cool?

Bad Idea: Your friends ex has a title on the end of their name, as in ex-wife/husband/mother of their child/father of their child.

Don't do it you fool! Even if they say they are cool, they are never going to be cool going over to pick up their kid, from the house they used to live in that you are now shacking up with their ex in, to see you what, also trying to mother or father their kid. This will end your friendship.

Good Idea: Your friend only dated their ex less than 6 months

Six months probably wasn't all that serious, but just make sure you don't just immediately try to hook up with the ex. Give your friends dead relationship a little air, and then only with their blessing, date away.

Bad Idea: When you ask about dating your friend's ex, they flip out but approve

If you ask if you can date your friend's ex, and their response is something like "f-ck it, I don't care, go ahead and date that a-hole if you want. I hope you get screwed like I did." Uhhhhh, don't do it. Your friend is clearly still pissed and or hung up about the ex and even if they don't want anything to do with them and never will, they aren't going to be supportive of your relationship if God forbid, s/he treats you 100 times better than they did to your friend or you make it last and get married, or you want to have a conversation about them, to your friend, or the same thing happens to you (you can expect an I told you so, rather than any support). Trust, your friend will be bitter and/or take it out on you.

Good Idea: You are not really like best friends

Everyone always talks about the girl/guy code as being something you don't break, but if you haven't really known your friend all that long and if they suddenly got pissy and said, we can't be friends anymore because of you dating their ex, and you're first thought would me more like, okay, whatever, you wouldn't be devastated at all, date away.

Bad Idea: You played therapist for months/years

When your friend was dealing with her boyfriend/girlfriend, if you were the go between, or the somewhat therapist to all your friends feelings, angst, hurt, and pain at what happened during their relationship throughout the months or years, unless that was like 20 years ago and they've since very much moved on, don't do it. Your friend WILL feel betrayed like you were just there waiting in the wings for the break up to happen, even potentially egging it on, getting insider info to try and screw him/her over to date the ex.

Good Idea: Your friend has definitely moved on

If your friend is happy now, has kids with and/or is married to someone else completely different, dating their ex shouldn't be a problem with their blessing of course. It's kind of hard for a friend to say don't date their ex, when they are in a totally different relationship now.

Bad Idea: They still talk

This is where you have to know just how jealous or messed up you would be if you were dating their ex, and he or she was still hanging out regularly with your friend, or texting them in the middle of the night, or still a little too close for your comfort. If their break up was really amicable and they remain really good friends, this may be a super bad idea. Your friend had first claim on them, and their ex nor your friend may not care about your feelings if there is even a hint of a spark still there.

Good Idea: They both admit their relationship was super casual

If your friend and the ex make it seem like it was just sex, or super casual and no feelings were really involved, dating your friends ex, again, with their blessing, could be good. Just make sure that you define what it is you want in that relationship at some point whether casual or serious, because you are not your friend.

Very Bad Idea: You were clearly the reason your friend broke up with his/her boyfriend/girlfriend

If you are literally the reason your friend calls their last relationship, an ex, now dating them is not going to make things better. It may not have been your fault at all...maybe the ex was openly flirting with you despite being with your friend or trying to get you to cheat with them, because they wanted you over your friend so badly. You will 100% end your friendship if you get involved with her/him now. If you weren't reciprocating any of his/her advances during your friends relationship with her/him or you told your friend about what their ex was trying to do with you---activating the break-up, and trying to solidify your friendship---then dating them will only confirm what your friend only suspected but could never prove about the two of you, that you were trying to cheat or were cheating behind their back.

Good Idea: Your friend is the reason s/he now has an ex

If you watched your friend take advantage of, screw up, screw over, ruin all hope, cheat on, and otherwise destroy their relationship with their ex, they seriously have no right to tell you, she or he is off limits. If your friend was the problem and the reason why the two of them broke up, that ex is fair game, especially if you are nothing like your friend. Everyone deserves happiness and if your friend has a problem with you finding happiness with their ex, then when they were dating, they should have treated them well in the first place. That's nobodies fault but their own. Date away.


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What Guys Said 11

  • MY rules: If the person you are interested in broke up with your friend, they are off limits. If your friend broke up with them, then as a courtesy, ask your friend if it would bother him or her.

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  • Bone? Yes. Date? No.

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  • She's mine first (kidding). What if you're competition from the very start?

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  • Bad idea.

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  • your take is ok the first lage of G@G's facebook page

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  • Sure, why not? They're not your ex.

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  • You're not their friend if you date their ex...

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  • BAD IDEA

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  • it also depend on the reasoning

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  • Great take and good advice.

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  • i personally think its a bad idea

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What Girls Said 7

  • When I was 14 one of my friends had split up with her boyfriend (together 1 month) and he became my boyfriend, we dated over a year, she wasn't best pleased but came around later on. I would never do it now

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  • Never date your besties ex, regardless of how long they were together. Especially if they had sex. Girl code.

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    • A few years back, my besty actually tried to get me to date her ex after they broke up after only a few months. I declined because I thought that was weird. Then she started dating him again. LOL. They've since broken up, but we are all really good friends.

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    • That would have been pretty funny considering she would have been the one to have "given him away." I didn't date him because he was my friend's ex... he just wasn't my type. She's just a really sweet person and thought if it didn't work for them, maybe it would work between us. Jealously has never been an issue with our friendship or whom we've dated because we respect each other... no d---- before chics sort of thing.

    • That’s cute. She sounds like a total sweetheart. Like she was looking out for your happiness. Friends like her are the best!

  • It's only a bad idea if you are good friends and/or (s) he has a problem with you doing so. Nothing else listed in this Take really matters, especially that last one. You can't make that judgement since you weren't in the relationship so how would you even know who was at fault for it ending?

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    • If, as an example, your friend cheated on their partner, told you, s/he was the reason for their break up... I'd pretty much say, you know it was your friend's fault.

    • Not really. It's still only one side of the story. What made them WANT to cheat? That could ruin a relationship. Just because the other party was cheated on doesn't mean they were a good SO. And even if it is their fault, that's still not a good enough reason to date their ex. That's still your friend. So unless you're sure they wouldn't have a problem with it, don't do it. I still think the rest of this Take outside of that reason is irrelevant.

    • So you are of the belief that someone cheating on you, is your fault. Says a lot. Anyway, to each their own.

  • I don't see any reasons why I shouldn't be allowed to date a friend's ex partner.

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  • It would obviously depend on what their relationship was like when they was it casual, very intimate? etc, etc

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  • it is a bad idea

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  • Always a bad idea

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