10 Signs He's Just Not That Into You

Does he like me?

10 Signs He's Just Not That Into You

This is a subject widely talked about everywhere between girls, on our group chats asking our girl friends to give us their opinions on the guy we like, countless movies, books, TV shows, and websites made specifically for this reason, GAG for example has many questions by its users on this topic.

We try so hard to find the signs, the missing clues, we put our FBI cap on and start investigating every little detail that we could have missed.

10 Signs He's Just Not That Into You

But the truth of the matter is very simple, no need for overthinking it, no need for getting professional advice and investigations, no need for playing games and tricking guys to tell you their thoughts.

If he likes you, you'll know. it's that simple.

And if it doesn't seem that simple to you, I hope this article will help you understand.

I used to be like this before, I have read many books about this subject, watched many talk shows as well. and one of the best books that helped me is " He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt.

So today i decided to share MyTake on it, with the help of this book, and share what I have learnt. You could say this will be a guide to find peace of mind while getting rid of fuckboys from your life.

He's not that into you, if:

1. He Hasn't Asked You Out

This one sounds like a no brainer, but many women believe that if a guy hasn't asked them out, it's because he forgot, or because he's too afraid of " ruining the friendship".

He's not afraid, an excuse is just a polite rejection.

Beware of the word friend. It can often be used by men and women, that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally when I’m picking friends, I like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep.
— Greg Behrendt

2. He Doesn't Call You

10 Signs He's Just Not That Into You

A guy who likes you will want to talk to you a lot. If he’s not texting you or calling you it’s because he’s not thinking about you.

If he returns your calls and text messages days after you reach out and ignores the fact that he’s been distant, it's because he isn't into you.

Say, 'I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.'
— Greg Behrendt

3. He's Not Dating You

Hanging out with him isn't considered dating, Guys tell you how they feel even if you refuse to listen or believe them. When he says " I don't want to be in a serious relationship" it truly means he doesn't want a serious relationship.

People tell you who they are all the time...you should believe him.
— Greg Behrendt

and that " at least it's better than nothing" bullshit is not good enough for you, you deserve a guy who is proud to tell everyone that you're his girl

Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less.
— Greg Behrendt

4. He's Breaking Up With You

10 Signs He's Just Not That Into You

Getting an " I miss you" text from him is validating and exciting, there's nothing more satisfying than hearing his desperate voice on the phone begging you, or seeing him jealous over your new guy, after previously breaking up with you and telling you he doesn't want to be with you anymore.

let me remind you, He broke up with you because he no longer wanted you, so cut him off and let him miss you.

The most attractive quality of all is dignity.
— Greg Behrendt

5. He Disappears On You

Basically you have been talking to this guy for a while, all is good, he's nice and you text all the time, then poof, he's gone. He might offer you some excuses or might not offer any warnings at all.

In this situation, you'll try to figure out why? In this case, not having an answer, is your answer. There's no mystery around it, he's gone because he doesn't want you. so don't give him the chance to reject you again.

6. He Confuses You

10 Signs He's Just Not That Into You

One day it’s one thing, the next day it’s something new. While there are moments it seems like he likes you, he completely pulls away the following time. If a guy likes you he won’t confuse you. He will be honest and clear and forward that he wants you and only you.

7. He Gives The Bare Minimum

He gives just enough to keep you coming back and adoring him. And once he feels you pulling away, he suddenly acts interested and acts the way you want him to, the moment you're back, he's back to his old habits.

8. He doesn’t Remember What You Tell Him

If he’s not listening to you or remembering the things you say, it means you’re not important to him. Can you remember the last time you liked a guy and you forgot almost all the things he says? 99% of the time, if he likes you, he’s going to listen to you, and remember the things you tell him.

9. He Mentions Other Women He’s Interested In.

10 Signs He's Just Not That Into You

If he’s interested in someone else, and telling you about it, he’s not trying to make you jealous. He’s giving you the honest truth, so he’s not interested in dating you.

10. He Never Contacts You First.

If he liked you he would want to be with you, he will want to hear you voice and want to spend time with you. That urge you feel to be around a guy you like ,men feel that too. And if he feels that urge, he’s going to be reaching out to you to see you again. If not, then he isn't into you.

The Truth: It Will Be OBVIOUS That He Likes You

Guys aren't subtle, if he likes you, and wants you, he'll let you know through his words and actions.

If he's leaving you guessing and wondering about his feelings and thoughts, he's just not that into you.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

— Greg Behrendt,

He's Just not That Into You

This might seem too harsh, but sometimes we need to listen to the truth. Of course, this guide isn't meant to generalize or meant to be 100% true, in some cases, even if he acts like this he could still be into you, but in MOST cases, he's not into you.

In most cases, if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions!

Think of your situation as the rule, not the exception. Because the latter will only get your hopes up, and gets you hurt.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is really not much different with either gender , this is not gender specific. If a person is GENUINELY attracted to you , they WILL make time & effort for you , otherwise they will not have any incentive to do so. If the person of your interest is not into you... simply don't bother with them anymore , don't waste time & energy you will never get back !

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    • I agree, but i chose a gender because this article was inspired by one of my favorite books,
      " he's just not that into you" so i wanted to keep the theme.
      but yes, it applies to both!

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    • Respect to you both. I'm a dad but my wife is still by my side. You brother, are truly a good man.

    • @Charleslvajr Thank you , kind Sir , it is tough at times , esp dealing with my stroppy 14 year old boy !!

Most Helpful Girl

  • They all make sense.
    There are very few cass where the guy is shy or he has a situation. Otherwise. In this day and age everyone finds a way to be with the one they want.

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    • Try to keep an eye out for the shy ones. Many times they've been hurt badly by women with bad advice. They're pretty easy to spot and most often are really good hearted men. I know that doesn't mean much to most women but maybe there are some decent women out there who will see this.

    • @Charleslvajr I like the shy ones. They are very precious. Once a girl steps into a shy boy’s life and he feels safe to open himself to her then the connection is wonderful. It is an extra special situation as the doors are not open to many girls. I like that exclusivity. I like shy guys.

Recommended myTakes

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 25

  • No no no no no, lets go over this from my own experience just to avoid any confusion when dealing with a shy geek.

    1. He Hasn't Asked You Out
    I eventually will, it just takes a lot of time and might happen when you don't expect it.

    2. He Doesn't Call You
    Typically not no, but i do text often.

    3. He's Not Dating You
    I should change that, but typically i showed my love trough a genuine bond and friendship before making a move.

    4. He's Breaking Up With You
    Yeah, that one is very obvious i don't like you anymore.

    5. He Disappears On You
    Yup, because if i initiate all the time eventually i am going to back off and see if you initiate. I might be busy, ill or something else but don't worry ill be around some time. (This is currently the case for example since i got a burnout, so i got little energy to socialize with people).

    6. He Confuses You
    I am sorry for being confusing.

    7. He Gives The Bare Minimum
    This one is a good indiciation, i generally make effort with people i care about but then again it does fade after a while if you don't initiate enough or if i am just really busy.

    8. He doesn’t Remember What You Tell Him
    Sorry for having Discalculia (Which means i have memory issues to)

    9. He Mentions Other Women He’s Interested In.
    That i typically would not do out of respect, so could be an indication yes.

    10. He Never Contacts You First.
    For someone who initiates chats a lot that can be a warning sign indeed.

    So there you have it, a summary of how i act according to this take to show girls that its not the end of the world if some of these signs arise. It can be totally normal.

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    • Yes I did mention that it might not be the case for a small category of guys, and the list isn't a 100% sure thing.
      I did know shy guys and non shy ones, the difference is obvious when telling if he's shy or if he doesn't like you.
      If he's shy then those behaviors are kind of cute tbh, if he isn't the shy type.. He doesn't care

    • Which means its not a reliable means of detecting this by your own admission.
      I just wanted to post this so people don't see this list and think they should give up on someone who happens to be interested without being obvious about it.

    • Yes definitely, I made sure to mention that at the end of the post.
      But after such a long time of confusion
      I do believe that this list becomes accurate,
      Because after a while of knowing the guy, you're bound to figure out if he's shy by nature, or just ignoring you

  • Women! that that MyTake with a grain of salt.
    you'll be me missing out on an awesome male like me, the one and only Mr Trump.

    1. He Hasn't Asked You Out

    -why does that have something to do with him not being into you? a coworker of mine is in love with one girl and he can't get to ask her out.
    WRONG EHHHH!

    2. He Doesn't Call You

    -Maybe because calling some girl you're not that close with is creepy and as a digitalization hater I would only call people for meetings and only girl who's already my girlfriend

    3. He's Not Dating You

    -Woa really good observation. insert "this is ironic" so everyone understands

    4. He's Breaking Up With You

    - oh yea good one

    5. He Disappears On You

    -maybe you disappeared on him? if not are you both going wierd? if yes communicate

    6. He Confuses You

    -I do it all the time with everyone. I am Confuzius

    7. He Gives The Bare Minimum

    -what did you give to him?

    8. He doesn’t Remember What You Tell Him

    -humans forget things, but it's a good sign if he trys to hear what you told him

    9. He Mentions Other Women He’s Interested In.

    -I did that but only because she asked me

    10. He Never Contacts You First.

    -how often is never? once, 2 times, 5 times, 10 times.

    it's obvious if the interest is only one sided.

    don't follow what wouldn't follow you

    Critic: some good and some bad points. overall ok I hope this doesn't brainwash the girls I am interested in.
    I know the thin line of creep and interest for guys and I wouldn't go crazy just because this thing here told me so

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  • 1. A guy could be shy, afraid of rejection, have social anxiety, or insecurity. True, you may not want to date a guy like this anyways, but these are very valid reasons why a guy may not work up the nerve to ask a woman on a date. A shy guy may give you hints that he likes you (like staring, laughing at your jokes, asking about you) but never ask you out.
    2. A guy shouldn't over pursue or else he comes off clingy or needy. Sure he should contact you at least once a week to set up a date, but if you don't contact him much of the time first after he gives you ample space, then apparently /you/ aren't that into him. Chasing is the feminine thing to do.
    3. Sure, but see #1. If he used to date you and then starts to pull away, then yeah, but certain types of guys on the extreme end of the shyness spectrum may not suggest dates.
    6. Once again see #1 and #3
    8. While I agree with this one, I tend to forget dates and names and really have to keep a calendar to remember things. Faces, on the other hand, I am good with. I try to remember as much as I can, and I think you can tell the difference between a guy who tries and a guy who doesn't.
    10. Once you are in the relationship phase, sure, a guy should contact you first sometimes. It should be about 50-50, maybe more like 70 her and 30 him. But during courtship, after the first couple dates, a guy shouldn't chase a woman. A woman needs to feel like he is a challenge. Studies show that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.

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  • 1. He Hasn't Asked You Out
    Nope always. Just means he doesn't know if you like him.

    2. He Doesn't Call You
    Does he have a reason to? Do you want him to? See #1. Last thing guys wanna do is pester a woman who's not into him.

    3. He's Not Dating You
    Uhhhh, a guy can like someone and not date them. That usually precedes dating them. See #1

    4. He's Breaking Up With You
    Depends on his reasons. Maybe he really likes you but you're so crazy he can't deal with it.

    5. He Disappears On You
    Maybe he feels you're not into him so he's disappearing to get you to miss him and stop taking him for granted. See #1

    6. He Confuses You
    Girls confuse themselves without our help. A guy can be 100% straight with you and you'll still find a way to misconstrue his words.

    7. He Gives The Bare Minimum
    Maybe he's matching your effort so not to appear overeager and clingy. Again, see #1

    8. He doesn’t Remember What You Tell Him
    Guys can be forgetful. We've got a lot of things on our minds. We can't be expected to remember everything.

    9. He Mentions Other Women He’s Interested In.
    He could be trying to make himself look desirable and make you jealous so that you get off your ass and show him you like him. Girls are known to do this shit with guys.

    10. He Never Contacts You First.
    Maybe he's tired of doing it and it leading nowhere.

    There's a lot of grey areas and everything's situational. Just trust your instincts.

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  • The confusing point is a part of mind games that is sometimes required to make the relationship more exciting. ( shit tests )
    Trust me.

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    • Can you explain more?

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    • The chase is fun, few teasing is fun too.
      but after some time of constant confusion, I think the person should move on

    • Sure. there is a thin line between arrogance and being completely boring.

  • Well... that's with like.. every date, not just limited to men in general. It's all about investment in relationships, if one doesn't invest, then it's obvious he or she doesn't like you. Just drop them like a sack of rocks and move on.

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  • half of these points are good and have are extremely misleading. Often if a guy really does like you he will avoid talking to you because he's nervous he'll fuck up, and if he doesn't care he'll talk to you anytime. This is why players have such an easy time, they just don't care

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  • This Greg Behrendt is saying stuff girls would like to hear but it has nothing to do with reality. His advice is actually more harmful than helpful. Let me tell you with what I do not agree with.

    1. When I see an attractive girl I quickly think she already has a boyfriend. Also I am not handsome so asking her out is not that easy. Also when she shows no clear signs she's into me i will not ask her out.

    2. I don't want to talk to my girl on the phone. I just want to see her.

    6. A guy will always confuse a girl because she doesn't understand how a guy thinks. And guys are confused about girls maybe even more. So confusion is just something that is almost always there between men and women.

    8. Terrible sign. Has nothing to do with whether a guy likes you or not. Guys forget stuff.

    10. Not always a sign. Depends on the guy and girl in question.

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  • I think that one of the most important things is missing - if you catch him lying. When a guy really likes a girl he will never dare to lie to her and to risk severing the bond between you.

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  • I mostly agree but I also think that relationships go through stages of closeness and pulling away a bit.

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  • Simple if he not smiling or happy always frustrated and talk angrily with you. Not respect you not respond u means he is not interested in you anymore

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  • I am shy and points 1-3 don't cover that, I don't talk to her because I am shy, so this should be 7 reasons not 10

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    • This isn't about making the first contact, it's about someone you've been talking to for a while.
      I know many shy guy, but even they try to make effort to let the girl know they're interested.
      I mean, you're not going to ignore her forever right?

    • I mean, it realy does depend, if I don't see her everyday for example have in her in classes or same friend group then probably not

  • thanks for taking the time to compile this, here's a golden opportunity to make 10 reasons she's motor that into you..

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  • What if he is shy? Point number 1 doesn't cover that

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  • Nice reading this

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  • Interesting myTake

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  • 💩💩💩

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  • 1, 2, 3, and 4 are not true.
    But the rest are.

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  • Thanks

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  • Just about #2. Average to attractive women who get approached often will look at guys like they are a dime a dozen. Some guys (including myself) may purposely act unavailable to avoid being "just another guy" that you can quickly write off.

    I admit I have waited a few extra days after getting a girls number to call her. I also wait a while after the first date. If I really like the girl this is hard for me. However when I started doing this a few years ago I all of sudden saw a huge boost in interest from the girl because it left her wondering and BUILT UP ANTICIPATION. She's not dumping you when she's thinking about you.

    Why is this necessary? There is nothing worse than being disrespected, written off or rejected for being an overly available "nice guy". It happens to us guys ALL the time.

    Point being some guys are wising up to the women's attraction to CHALLENGE. Women enjoy pursuing a guy who is indifferent or unsure if he's interested or not. Reason being is those guys are usually a minority.

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What Girls Said 17

  • We try so hard to find the signs, the missing clues, we put our FBI cap on and start investigating every little detail that we could have missed.

    THIS IS BECAUSE YOU ARE PASSIVE AND DO NOT JUST ASK. that is the simplest thing. guys are not all the same. could be shy or doubtful or who know. if you want to know just ask. stop talking about it jeez. watch the news, talk about that.

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    • That's the problem, people lie. The "player" guys lie. They tell you that they care to keep you around.
      So actions speak louder than words here.

    • Work with both. Players operate with that edge of doubt. If a player can keep you doubting what is going on, you'll keep coming back just to find out. A real guy will just tell you and his behavior will match up. Besides a player is just about the sex and if you're giving that up in the very beginning of the dating curve, you're not looking for anything more then a hookup anyway.

  • I'm glad someone addressed this. A lot of the opinions I share are on this topic, and I usually say that you need to ask them to be sure, because how would strangers know if someone likes you?

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    • Very good. Finally a woman who doesn't think all men are mind readers. Good on you.

  • This basically describes my fifteen year marriage. Not sure whether to laugh or cry. It was like once we actually tied the knot he lost interest.

    Very well written. So true.

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    • No. Once you tied the knot he thought he could do what he wanted and get away with it

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    • He's right. Game over. He got the prize now it's miller time and feet on the coffee table.

  • There are some things on this list that this one guy does but then there are some where he does the opposite. For example, he disappears and confuses me but he remembers things that I say and shows interest in my well-being.

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    • Then maybe he's disappearing due to a busy life? I guess you need more signs to make a decision

    • Just chat him up about the disappearances. It's really that simple. Honest guy won't try to block or change the subject unless it's really uncomfortable and if you sitting across from him, you'll see that.

    • @Charleslvajr Except I have and he never responded

  • See back in the day, I was dating a guy that didn’t display really any of these signs. But I just KNEW. I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. And I was. Turns out he actually did like me and wanted to commit but was emotionally unavailable, seeing as he got out a relationship right before me. Let me emphasize this: he was willing to be in a relationship with me because he wasn’t ready to let me go. But was still dealing with emotional stuff from his ex. What kinda crazy ish is that?
    Always trust your gut. If something feels off, believe your gut.

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    • Back in the day? At 21 what does that make it? 6 months ago? :-)

    • @Charleslvajr LOL it was more like 4 months ago. 2017 has been a loooooooooooong year so it feels like it was long ago when it really wasn’t

    • I said that simply because I was 21 once and yeah, 4 months can seem like a long time when you are 21. Back in the day for me is more like 1994.

  • I agree that if someone is truly interested, you will know, no need for confusion

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  • Sometimes it's necessary to listen to the words that no one wants to hear, it hurts to take time and realize that the person you love doesn't care

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  • Well fuck him if he's not I wish he rots in hell

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  • Ah yes, I loved that book. The movie not so much.

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    • The movie was more shallow than the book, didn't go too deeply but delivered the general message

  • I gave this the once over, and I agree

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  • Whoaaa I needed this ages ago
    @txdiie_

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    • lol me too

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    • @Charleslvajr we aren't dating. just stupid crushes

    • @txdiie_ Emotions are never stupid, just unrealized.

  • 2. Is very true from my experience.

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    • I don't know the circumstances under which you made those experiences but i and a lot of my guy friends just don't like to phone.

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    • @Idontknow092 It had nothing to do with hating the phone, he was just trying to disappear until I had to call him.

    • Well, that's 10% of the questionnaire.

  • Nice and true take

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  • 🙃🤔😢

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  • Thank you for sharing.

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  • Boy I needed to hear this👀. Be right back. Let me go delete his number and stop hoping he'll text or call.

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  • The dreaded... what if he's shy though?

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    • Nope. My fiancé is shy but he still asked me out.

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    • @Charleslvajr takes a while but we get to know each other overtime at school or through friends; it happens organically.

      And I'd never and have never humiliated a guy. My rejections have always gone well.

    • Without any evidence, I will accept what you say is what you mean and I wish you the best in the future. Good people deserve that.

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