The 6 Reasons I Have Never Been In a Relationship (and Why I May Not Be For a While)

The 6 Reasons I Have Never Been In a Relationship (and Why I May Not Be For a While)

So I’m 18 and I have been single my entire life and I hate it. It has made me wonder, when will it be my time to be in a relationship? Anyway here are the reasons why.

1. I am shy and awkward around girls because of previous failures at dating

-I have failed 7 times before and because of that I feel like I won’t be successful because I haven’t been able to prove to myself that I can do it. My past haunts me, because of how many times I have shot myself in the foot before. Because of that I fear rejection when it comes to dating.

2. I am not the naturally good looking

-I know that being good looking isn’t the end all be all. But it’s what gets a guy in the door with a girl is it not? I’m not ugly by any means (I’m 6/10) but I’m not considered “hot” or “sexy”. A lot of the guys I see that are in relationships are.

3. I overthink things

-Basically I have issues trusting because I have been let down a lot. Because of that I don’t open up to most because I don’t trust them. I don’t want to be hurt again.

4. I don’t believe that I can succeed

-Simply put I can’t believe that I will succeed because I have yet to do so. I have thought that because I haven’t seen it happen, how can I believe it will happen. Because of this I can be stubborn and get down on myself.

5. I over analyze things

-I think that somethings could mean more than they might actually be. I think way too much about dating because I really want a relationship. I use my head way too much. I can’t tell if a girl is being polite or interested in me.

6. I am inexperienced

-As a guy who is my age I feel like being inexperienced is one of the worst things to be because girls stereotypically like a guy with experience and so because of this I worry that I will stay single because of my lack of experience. Now I know there are girls who don’t think that’s true, but I’m just saying what I have seen from personal experience.

7. I am terrible at flirting

-I don’t know what to say or do around a girl that will get her on my side. I don’t know how to be “smooth”. If a girl flirts with me, I wouldn’t know what to do because I don’t want to ruin things.

All in in all I know that dating shouldn’t make me want to give up on life, it hasn’t and I won’t let it. I also know that this is both my fault and my previous dates fault as well, But I’m sick and tired of being alone. I am the only one who is single in my immediate family. My two older brothers I’m the only one who has consistently been single. Believing in myself hasn’t gotten me anywhere. I need something, I want something, but I’m not sure what will satisfy me. Maybe I need to start giving back to my community and somehow that will make me feel better about all of this, or maybe I need to discover who I truly am and somehow become confident in that. But what do you think I should I do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • finding happiness in your own company is probably the most important thing you can do for yourself.

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    • You suggested you should give and be forever alone? :D

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    • @KejKej I'm not going to give up

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think your way too hard on yourself and your only 18 years old so your a young man. I would work on your self esteem and overtime you can believe in yourself and start building confidence in how you dress and act and present yourself. When you feel good about yourself and don't worry about how others perceive you then everything will fall into place. I believe there's more to life then getting laid and you should enjoy life and don't put too much stress and pressure on yourself when it comes to dating and being in a relationship. Lots of guys are in the same place as you, heck I myself was your age and it was hard to talk to girls as I was so awkward when around them and I am still am today.

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What Girls Said 21

  • I think you need to cut yourself some slack. A lot of young men beat themselves up bc they see their friends getting girls and getting laid so if they can’t, they think somethings wrong with them.
    I’m 21 year old virgin and I’ve never had an *official* relationship. 18 years old is QUITE young and plenty of guys go to college as virgins and manage to lose their virginity. You have at least 4 years before it starts to really get awkward for you.
    Women are NOT the be-all-end-all. Cute girls and having a relationship will not make your self esteem higher. Life’s not about chasing women and it does NOT make you more of a man. Please remember that bc a lot of men will tell you otherwise and it isn’t true.
    Have confidence and work on yourself. Right now. Deal with your issues bc it’s keeping you from being happy and at peace. I highly recommend therapy bc it will teach you how to handle your emotions and get better mentally. When you feel better you will attract better women and lead a better life.
    Stop being so hard on yourself and enjoy being young. Granted it lowkey sucks being 18 and not 21 sometimes but you can’t get this time back.
    **also half the guys in high school are lying. You aren’t the only dude who can’t get girls your age. That’s most guys at 18 and at least 25% at 21 lol

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  • I am 18, and I've never dated either, but to the point:

    - You're only 18. A lot of people (more than you'd think) have not dated yet,
    - You do not need to be in a relationship to be happy
    - Failure is not bad. If you never fail, how do you expect to learn anything?
    - Shyness or simply being nervous around someone you like is normal. Some girls even find awkwardness cute if you don't make a huge deal out of it.
    - Looks are not everything. A relationship is way more than looks, and just because you find yourself unattractive does not mean another person will feel the same way. The number scale is overrated. Personality is what will really grab her.
    - If you cannot love yourself, how do you expect someone else to?
    - If you recognize that you are not happy with yourself, why don't you work on loving yourself first?
    - You're not special bud. A LOT of us overthink overanalyze things. It's human nature to be a bit egotistical, but in reality, most people aren't thinking about how much you are overanalyzing.
    - While many girls typically like experienced guys, that doesn't mean they won't date you. Plus, you don't need to go around screaming that you've never dated anyone. It is unlikely that a girl will ask (at your age at least). Just be yourself and learn as you go.
    - Stop trying to flirt and just be yourself. Usually, people are naturally flirty without trying.

    MORAL OF THIS LONG AS POST:
    1. LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING
    2. BE YOURSELF regardless of however awkward or goofy
    3. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST because if you cannot do that, it will show.

    You can't expect people to have confidence in you, find you attractive, and want to enter a relationship if you cannot develop a healthy relationship with yourself.

    I suggest you stop worrying about not having dated someone, and focus on your own personal growth. Once you become confident and happy being single, then you will be able to be found by a relationship and develop a HEALTHY relationship.

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    • Im 18 and started dating just now recently. What I found about myself is that it's actually a good thing you waited so long. You know exactly what you want and what you have to give someone. My confidence is boosted to a point where it's no longer confidence, but respect for myself and not giving a fuck about someone not accepting me for something I am.

    • @cookiiee Yes! This exactly is what @SportsFan78 needs to hear! by the way, did you mean to reply to the post or my comment?

    • Kind of both. Yes, hope he will see this.

  • This is not a reason why you've never been in a relationship. I'm sorry but you have to greatly change your view of things.

    1. You being shy have 0 to do with it. What are your intentions for dating in the first place? Because you want to get married and you have a purpose for having a romantic companionship? Or because you want to follow what everybody else is doing and you feel lonely? If it's the 2nd one, yeah, you best to stay single.

    2. Oh stop it! Looks is not important. Get out of that stupid rating crap! I'm certain that their was girls that was or is attracted to you. But if your not attracted to them or you are judging them by their looks, then your no different from those who probably did it to you.

    3. This is not an issue entirely. You've been hurt and know the nasty dangers that lerks with trying to find somebody who would respect you. Do you REALLY want to participate in such a thing? Seriously think about this. Because this is modern dating.

    4. In what way are you trying to succeed? What are your goals for dating and in a relationship? You have to figure this out. These days people lie and steal just to get into relationships, and using each other for sex. I don't think you want to be a nonvirgin being miserable because you thought that this was 'da bomb', and now it blowed up in yoru face.

    5. Listen. These days, you can't put it past anybody. First of all, stop going after strangers! It's best to date somebdoy whom you've known as a friend for a very long time. These days, girls are only lusting after you. And even if their being polite, that's a good thing. Better for somebody who is polite and interested vs somebody who's only interested in you for sex and using you.

    6. Better to be inexperienced than to be experienced that you intimidate other people. AND STOP WITH THE STEREOTYPES! Man, I can see why your single.

    7. You don't need to flirt. BE PROACTIVE AND INTENTIONAL. You want to date somebody. FIND somebody of your chosing that you personally believe is worth as a partner for you.

    " But I’m sick and tired of being alone. I am the only one who is single in my immediate family. My two older brothers I’m the only one who has consistently been single. Believing in myself hasn’t gotten me anywhere. I need something, I want something, but I’m not sure what will satisfy me." Now THIS is your problem. If I met somebody like you I wouldn't want to take a chance dating you, no offense. Your too selfish. Your about yourself.

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    • Your trying to fill a void that you can't even do for yourself. It's impossible. The only one who can is God himself. But I'm certain from the way your talking, you may not believe in him. However, you have to understand that dating is not meant to make your happy. It is to find somebody who is worth your effort and dedication to that should elad to marriage. And what makes it worse, your comparing yoruself to others, including your brothers. What do them having or had girls have anything to do with YOU? Does your family expect you to be married and have kids? Is this something you personally want to do for yourself, or something you decided because you don't want seem like the black sheep of the family? Make up your mind. Because nobody is really going to wait for you to make a decision.

      You don't have to discover who you are. You KNOW who you are, but your too afriad to be yourself in a world that doesn't value what you value. Stop hiding and do something worth fighting for.

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    • @lord_chilled I don't know where your getting this idea that I said anything about God fixing everything. This simply has to do again with him setting his sights on the Lord and finding out his will. Which means keeping ones spiritual ears open to hear. I hear the Lord when he speaks. And speaks as clearly as you and I. This is why I said what I said. I never said that he will fix all of his problems. I said about him doing what he needs to do IF he EXPECTS to even have anybody, or else he will continue to go through this problem. I've seen plenty of people go through this same cycle over and over again. Because they didn't want to allow God lead their lives. Yes, he is to guide us, but we must also learn to heed to intrustion. Marriage and having a relationshipis a ministry. Which means you can't just do whatever you want and not think you won't reap what you sow ffrom it. If he makes mistakes, then he makes those mistakes. But those mistakes may cost him. And whatever promise God may

    • have of him, may be givin to somebody else who is readily available to use it wisely. It's all about choices in this life. And what we do will either lead us to what we seek or deter it from our path. It's that serious.

  • 1. understandable, but you need to know that just cause you failed at something more times that it means you will never succeed, point is that you forget about the pest as much as you can and dont let it control your present; sometimes we just dont have luck; also failures dont mean you are a failure, cause all you need is one win and it means you tried and you fight for what you want, its just not easy
    2. you can always work on the way you look, work out, dress nicely, be clean
    3. understandable, you can be sure caotius with people and have your limits in private matters, but let ysf free in things you can, having fun with people when you dont have to expect much from them and you take care of ysf
    4. look point 1.
    5. try to use this to advantage to figure out how to know to you have a chnce with the girl, if she is giving you mixed signals, dont try; if she stares at you all the time, touches you, initiates conversations or anything, chances are she likes you; but generally just try to have good time without preassure of relationship
    6. personally i think its great you are not a slut and im sure many girls would see it as a positive thing, key is that you own it and you deserve someone who will like you the way you are
    7. just be yourself, you need someone who will like you for you, anything else won't work

    also if you are 18, you really are young and have a lot of time to find someone

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    • just cause you failed at something more times it doesn't mean you will never succeed

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    • cause life is full of opportunities, you have so many years ahead of you in life and you cannot know what waits for you. Many successful people failed a lot of times until they succeeded. If you give up, you definitely limit your options. Sure there are no guarantees but there are always possibilities. Statistically there are more odds that you will meet someone than not cause you have so many years of life ahead of you. Try to work on yourself and do what you can about it and for the things you cannot affect try to accept...

    • My problem is my awkwardness around girls.

  • Who cares? Obsessing over it will surely not get you any further. If you actively seek out a relationship without doing any “pre work”, you will never find it.

    Work on yourself. Become better. Do what you want to do.

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    • What do you think “pre work” is?

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    • Practice makes perfect.

    • I just don't know how not to be awkward.

  • I feel you. I feel you. I feel you. Been in two abusive relationships, neither even lasted for a year and I lost my entire trust in people when it comes to dating. Never expressed my feelings for any crush in fear of rejection and mockery.

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  • Oh dear... you're so so so young, that is the reason for most of what you're worried about. You're life is just beginning... it's normal that you've been single up until now. Jesus... why do you want to even be in a relationship, you're so young and free... it will just limit your possibilities.
    Stay single and free, and you are just now able to start your road to success, there's no reason for you think you won't be successful because of your life up until now, you haven't lived enough to know that.
    Stop worrying about all of these things. Make your short and long term goals, and don't let anything get in your way, especially worrying.

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    • Well i'm a guy and don't girls expect us guys to be experienced by now? Well I'm not. My friends and older brothers have always been getting girls and getting girlfriends while I can't do anything. I am awkward around most girls and I go mute because of it. I've always wondered when I will finally be successful?

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    • It'll happen when it's the right one, or the right 5, 6, or 10... tons of fish in the sea, and more than one for everyone ;)
      Sometimes it just takes time. I'm single for the first time since I was 18, and just now dating for the first time in my life... and I can tell you that making a solid two-way connection with someone is very difficult for all of us, I think. So don't take it too personal.

    • I just want to be confident in dating. But I’m not because I’ve never been in a relationship.

  • don't worry a guy like you will end up with an amazing partner for example I know many boys like you who have started gaining relation ships and remember you are not too young and will most likely find some one for you.

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  • All of this is because you're 18. I didn't have a relationship until my 20's. You're fine. Really. Relax.

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  • I agree with what most people on here said. Discover who you are. What you like?

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What Guys Said 21

  • If i seem harsh to teenagers, which you are despite being legally an adult, and people in their early 20's who complain about this stuff, it's because I am. Until you're my age or older and experiencing the same issues as when you were a teenager, you can't really say there's nothing can be done or you never will because you are just getting started. How can you possibly know at just 18 how your next 5 decades are going to go? I have maybe 4 decades if I'm lucky and I don't know what directions my life will take from here.

    My last relationship was when I was 21 and she was the first girl I ever dated and I found out when I was trying to talk myself into having sex with her that she already had a boyfriend despite being a girlfriend to me. I usually lie my ass off and say I never dated because to this day, it hurts to talk about. Killed my interest in dating then despite knowing not all women are like that, but these ten years later, I haven't met another girl I wanted to try with, and my own lack of experience in the dating world makes it all the harder for me because the majority of women my own age are either already dating or even married or have kids from a past relationship and want and want a guy who accepts her having children. Having none of my own, I do not. That leaves either severely compromising my wants, women I find unattractive for any number of reasons, or facing the more real for me possibility of my family name and bloodline ending with me as I cannot find a woman with whom I feel I can have a relationship that leads to love, sex, and children.

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    • And none of that factors in the mental issues, such as avoidant personality disorder, that I have been diagnosed with, but have failed to work through on my own and cannot afford professional help with.

    • Assuming you do not have any mental health problems that harm your ability to interact with others and form healthy relationships, that right there makes it a lot easier for you.

  • Since you are only 18 ! I suggest to remove yourself from the dating world in general and focus on yourself.
    Then you can build yourself step by step and only time will tell if you gonna find someone worth it or not.
    But no matter what. start loving yourself man. and DO what YOU want to do !!!

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  • I've been there, and many others. First of all you have to separate your prioriries from your desires. Having a SO is not a priority at a personal level, it's a desire to share your time and your true self, with someone in the most intimate way.

    Personally I think you should fufill first your key goals, or at least some of them, before entering a relationship. There is nothing worst than to be in a relationship from the beggining and feel something of your inner happyness is missing

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  • I think you should live your life and don't care about find someone. Seven is not that much of a number of failed instances and for the most part, you are beating yourself up for no reason. Beauty is not objective. Everyone has their own tastes and you have no reason to reduce your self worth because someone has rejected you.

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    • But what do I do to be different? To be good enough?

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    • Just go over with the intention of talking to a female human being to see if you'll like her and make a connection.

      Making conversation is a skill and the more you practice, the better.

      You can ask questions, talk about you or crack jokes if that's your thing. Don't try too hard to be funny if you ain't naturally funny. Just be light hearted because there are a million ways to talk to strangers.

      Just do you. Some girls will like you, some won't. Women have various taste in men. Just like you might be an iPhone fan and I love Android.

    • I just don’t know how to be noticed and what to do when I get noticed

  • Hit the weights bro. Its hard to feel insecure when you look like this

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    • I do workout. My problem is communicating

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    • My friends have been successful in their own way of dating, one that may not apply to me.

    • You can still take something from their approach man. You have to try

  • Honestly, just walking up to a girl getting to know her you know find the the similarities between you and that girl you're talking to it's just it goes with the flow man.

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  • first you need to be more confident
    second everyone have soulmate
    third the day will come you gonna find it just stop looking because it's is leap of faith good luck

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  • Oh boy, I thought it was me from the past that wrote that :D You are every bit the 18 yo me was. Dont focus on when you're gonna get anything, think about who and what you seek for. The day will come, you'll stumble upon that precisely and it will work like clockwork if you're wise enough.
    As someone who's been through this already and found i think the perfect girlfriend for myself when i alasy doubted it, the only thing i can say to you is Be yourself, and don't let anyone denigrate that. Be proud of what you are, what you love, and what you do, just come to maturity. relationships are not a mandatory part of life until you want it to, life as much more than that for you in the coming years you'll see ;)

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  • Sounds to me you just lack self-confidence. Also, number 6 can't really be changed as time goes by. Gaining experience can be obtained by being in relationships.

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  • At that age all I thought was how to skip homework and play, until you reach late 20s I don't think being single is a big deal

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