Dating a 10 When You're Not

Dating a 10 When You're Not

The couple pictured above quite literally won a contest called "Punching Above Your Weight," for the most mismatched couple. According to an article on 2 Oceans Vibe, "Kate Cathcart is blonde, good looking, has a perfect smile and a great figure. Darren Donaghey on the other hand, well… he’s Darren. The pair have been together for years and are planning to use the Greek holiday prize as their honeymoon. Darren says he constantly gets disapproving looks from strangers when they are seen in public together. It’s not uncommon for Kate to be hit on by other guys when he is sitting right next to her at a bar, but Darren is used to it by now."

Now most guys and girls looking at the photo would be blind not to notice the differences in their looks as most of the voters clearly made note of and I think, if you're honest, you'd probably assume above him having some great personality, and her just loving that above his looks, that he MUST have money, because that's the only way someone "like him," could land someone "like her."

This sentiment often comes from ugly and attractive people alike. It's like people view it as literally offensive that anyone hot could possibly like anyone not. I've seen polls on this very topic on GaG. And here as Darren says, people openly flirt with his wife in front of him which is what a lot of people do to couples they personally feel don't deserve to be with one another the way they are because they feel like hot people should be with hot people, and not, with not people.


The thing about dating that hot person when you're not, is knowing that if you break up, they will have no problems finding someone else. It's knowing that every day someone is trying to hit on them and 10 times a day, they are forced to have to resist those people. It's knowing people will be openly flirting with your significant other and asking you point blank why you're together. It's friends inquiring in a really offensive way how you could have possibly landed that. It's people assuming the only way you could get someone like that is if you're rich or some other superficial reason. It's people saying to you that they hope your future baby looks like the other person.

I don't really believe the BS about how the unattractive person just has to be strong and not let ego or jealously get in the way. This isn't one person every once in a while trying to wreck what you have or thinking you a turd on the ground, it's knowing you have to constantly deal with an outside world that demeans you and assumes you have nothing to offer if not your looks. How can that not F with your self-esteem? On top of that, you honestly know the dynamics of your situation. There is power in money, there is power in having power over someone, and there is a power dynamics with looks. If you do not have the upper hand or at the very least an equal hand, not only society, but you know to some extent that you're going to need to work 10 times harder on your end to keep what you have because it's not really their loss if you break up. You know that if you make that announcement, people will assume that it was inevitable.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The girl in that pic is nowhere near a 10 lol

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I remember that couple when they won and they were really sweet together and they clearly love each other, they seemed like nice people in the interview I saw of them, I say each to there own and let people love who they love regardless of what others think.

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Join the discussion

What Guys Said 67

  • I dated a girl who constantly questioned why I loved her she thought I was the 10... I felt like she was. In the eyes of a loyal and loving partner you're pretty much always going to be a 10. There's virtually no such thing as "dating a 10 when you're not" because chances are they find you just that attractive. Something people don't realize and I"ve ever had people call BS is that the stronger the emotional bond, the more attracted (yes even physically) you are to that person. Don't believe me? You'd be surprised how many couples in their 70+ find their partner attractive despite the fact that many of us might just think of them as just wrinkly old and ugly. And yet... we see that as sweet. But you know when it's younger people we think it's dumb or somehow offensive that a hot girl would pick a guy that isn't widely considered attractive.

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  • Thanks for the video. This helped me. I feel like I am not good looking or a ladies man. Every guy I knew in my life has dated more than once and I am here who hasn't dated once. It's not that I don't have a good personality but it's that I don't believe in myself. I believe every girl likes a 6 pack ab man. If anyone girl is reading this what do you like in a guy? PERSONALITY OR LOOKS? The media play's a big part in our life. However, I am not here to talk about CNN. I hope I can pick a thing or 2 from this. Cheers to you for sharing this!

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    • Personality is key. Sure, a nice body is nice but it doesn't last forever. Personality, however, grows with a person.

  • I think it can work. I've seen it. But I am also convinced it's extremely rare unless they know each other for ages and thus the better looking one comes to see the other one in a growingly better light so to speak.

    Personality decides if you stay together but looks and body-language decide who is attracted to you when first meeting you. You could be a sex-god in bed and the perfect match for that hot babe in the club, if you don't catch her eye in some way she will never know and you will never get her.

    Basically looks are your sales pitch while personality is actually the product called "yourself". XD

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  • It is tough. I'm no looker myself and if I was with someone above me I would feel insecure at times... no matter how much trust I have. Not that she would cheat or whatnot, but the fact that I think "She can easily do so much better."

    No human alive would NOT feel insecure at some point.

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  • Well, no one made either of them get into this relationship, and, frankly, I'm happy for them.

    From the sounds of things, he has made his peace with the situation, and since they've already been together for quite some time and are getting married, I'd say no one should feel bad for them. He clearly must be doing something right, and rather than having feeling self-esteem problems, he's probably getting a good laugh every time some guy ends up having to walk away with his tail between his legs after being rejected by his girl.

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  • Women always lose their looks as they get older. Typically starting about 30 for white and black women (well, meth heads lose it in whatever the next 6 months are), and upper 30's for Asian women.

    Many men become more attractive as they get older until late 60s or so. Many of the women I have dated said after having seen my old photos, that they would not have dated me when I was their age, but that I am now very attractive to them.

    So, the woman above is going to lose it in a few years, and Darren may not rise, but he isn't going to fall as quickly.

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  • I don't know... I've been outplayed by plenty of dudes that are far below my level in looks. Those factors like the gift of gab really go a long way with women.
    I know I don't need to point out the money stuff at all... That's the primary concern of literally 50% of the female population. If you can afford to "be a generous man," you can also afford to have that beer gut with little to no complaints.

    When I see the same situations with the tables turned on the genders, I see the same corresponding elements of desperation.

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  • It's entirely possible that this guy has an awesome personality. Maybe he has one of those made for radio voices. Maybe, he looks like her Uncle Larry, who was a really positive influence in her life, and the closest thing to a father or brother she had. On top of that, maybe she's a size queen and he has a big dick.

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  • A total mis-match is a failure waiting to happen.
    And there is no such thing as a '10' - a ten is a nine that is extra special to someone else. Celebrities and actors are 9's, average is 6-7.
    The girl in your photo is a 8, and she'd never date the 4 you have for the guy.
    Come on, get real honey. :)

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  • Thanks for sharing.

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  • I am a guy with a 10 personality and about a 7 in looks. I am dating someone right now who is an all around solid 8.

    I am curious about what ladies think. I have a slightly above average face that women would say is "Cute". I am not sexy or hot. I am somewhat dorky. But... I do have large biceps and a 6 pack. So I guess that balances out.

    For the life of me I can't really see what this woman I am sleeping with sees in me. I am not rich. I don't have a car. I do have a steady job though.

    I think that maybe women date guys who don't look as good as them because average looking guys treat them so much better. As long as they are confident as a man, a woman feels secure to be with them and is assured that they are not needy and clingy. I think an average looking guy might have better chances than a hot stud who a woman will be insecure with and always suspect of cheating.

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  • I'm surprised I didn't see anyone say that he must have a big ___. Seriously though, on the other hand, someone may LOOK like a "10" but they could treat you like dirt.

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  • Another looks vs "personality" bs. When will you understand that these two things are not mutually exclusive?
    Not everyone's going to like you and neither will you like everybody (at least, you shouldn't). Boohooooo...

    .. so let's make a topic about in an attempt to rationalise.

    How's that working out for you?

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    • Great! Thanks for asking.

  • On vacation at the beach
    I saw a babe 9/10 body if not a 10 for everyday people
    With this dwarf like dude that had a crippling walk all fucked up n shit lol

    Maybe she was paid but unlikely but could be lol
    They were holding hands

    I was like what in the blazes

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    • $$$ bro. i've seen it in college. many other girls in the law school dated old farts for the tuitions

    • @levantine99 well not necessarily loo
      You don't know that hhaah
      Just cause u see a hot girl with a ugly its automatically college 😂

  • Suppose the fact that I disregard pretty much everyone elses opinions most of the time, would come in handy in the situation described in this MyTake.

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  • The guy in the pic has money, guaranteed.

    And she's getting railed by a bunch of thugs, sportsball players, and drug dealers on the side. Guar-an-damn-TEED.

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  • My first thought was the George Carlin quote. My second thought was all the Women I date are out of my league, in one way or another.

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  • I've never "dated" a 10 for an extended period of time. I had a few one and two night flings with a 10. That was spectacular. It's something to be sitting across from someone who is sooooo beautiful that just looking at her is blissful. And if she's intelligent, geez, that's the best. Why she liked me, I'll never know !! hehe.

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    • Maybe you've got to give yourself a little more credit

    • I'm realistic. She liked me because I paid attention to things about her besides her body and good looks. She was used to that. This girl was the definition of head turning gorgeous, in a rock n roll sort of way. If there was a male in the room and she walked in, he would look. It was impossible not to look. When we hung out together, I could feel guys thinking "why is she with him?" But I guess I made her feel like I cared about her mind too.

  • she ain't a 10

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    • Lol, agreed. Certainly not without the 3 inches of makeup, bleached extensions, and spray tan.

    • Preach.
      These low standards disgust me.

    • @Kuraj honestly... it’s a weird annoyance of mine, but I don’t like when not naturally attractive women become attractive through means of plastic surgery and pounds of makeup... seems very fake to me.

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What Girls Said 35

  • I believe he certainly is not a ten to her. It is a hoax. Because the subject sucks int he first place. They get even payed by the government make such program's to brainwash people.
    I hear this nonsense non stop. A person is only beautiful in the eyes of the person that loves that person. So this subject is not interesting.
    This is therfor for people who use other people for their status.
    If you do not come along with their game they hate you extremely.
    I think we should play no games because even on tv many people and children are watching it and why do we not care for that about what they are going to see besides only our game we need to play. I think we should be sincere and honest. When will there be honest man on this planet who stop abusing other people for their selfish benefits?

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  • They are both equal in terms of beauty... who says she's more prettier than him.

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  • This is why I don't believe in ranking people.

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  • I don't think the girl is good looking

    She has wrinkles
    Her body isn't fit
    Her breasts are small
    Her face is too wide

    I think they are similar in looks

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  • I've dated guys that my friends (and the guy's friends) say I'm much more attractive then. I always fall for personality first, and everything follows. However, sometimes that can fade and the attraction will fade with it. I would rather date someone less attractive than me than more attractive, though, for security reasons. I also just tend to like kind of chubby guys, so I dunno

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  • The secret of a strong relationship: he treats her like a queen, she treats him like a king. Know it from my observation ✌

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  • I think other factors matter too, he might be a 10 face wise but does that include intellect and personality too?

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  • Nice take

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  • Just like someone said in the video, if you like someone for their personality they tend to start looking cute to you.
    And some "hot" people don't use their looks like that. Some are actually looking for real love and not a partner that's equally attractive

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  • Why does it matter first of all? You normally cannot help who you are attracted too. Yes, looks get noticed first but then you get to the know the person and you like that person for who they are and not what they look like. I personally could careless if one is really attractive and the other is not - simply, it's not my life and I don't know their story.

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  • It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else. I always hated when friends said my bfs were ugly. I didn't think so, thats what really matters.

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  • I think ranking over all is pretty dumb, honestly i am sure someone will like what others will call a 1 when others hate what some call a 10
    The your too hot for X is dumb

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    • End of the day, if you're strong enough to withstand the perils of societal judgment, ultimately the only voice that matters is the one you are with.

    • And your own

  • she's probably using him. poorguy

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  • People are always going to find something to say no matter what. As long as THEY like it, that's all that matters. And yeah, I know I'm plain looking AF, but she's not a 10 in my book.

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  • Eh it can never happen other way around because men care only about looks

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  • I think looks matter only a little bit, but personality is what makes it last. You can be the best-looking person on earth, but if you have a bad attitude and are always mean or rude, you won't get very far in any good relationship.

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  • This is probably one of the best takes i've read so far, good job anon!

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  • Me and boyfriend look quite the same
    Its kinda weird actually
    But I never tried dating someone out of my league.

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  • It seems rough to be the unattractive one.

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  • There is no reason why the man can’t become attractive, no one has see a picture of the girl all natural

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