As I approach the 5-year anniversary of my divorce, I've come to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in the world: Lovers and Others.
When I was a kid there was this song on the radio that goes, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world." I think that pretty much sums up the Lovers. When I think about
the individuals I know who persist in looking for and finding love, they do so because they are focused on forming relationships.
They may suffer for quite a while, but they keep on trying until they find deep, lasting happiness. They may have to make some pretty big compromises (like a woman I know who moved across the country to marry a guy she met online) or go outside their comfort zone, but they do it because relationships make them happy. They aren't afraid to do what it takes to make love happen, even if it feels a bit awkward and sappy at times.
Then there are the Others, of which I am one. I often catchy myself thinking, "No one loves me. No one wants me." But if I'm totally honest, *I* don't love anyone. It's ME who isn't willing to compromise or take risks. I've poured my heart and soul into relationships that ended disastrously and now I'm done. I really don't care to go through any more serial first dates, or have to accommodate someone else's preferences and needs. To be totally honest, I love sleeping alone. Yes, I get lonely and sometimes feel like throwing myself from a cliff rather than face the rest of my life single, but the truth is I'm just not willing to give up the things I've so slowly and painfully gained post-divorce. At least not yet.
I will never again blame others for my singleness, or make fun of or question someone else's choices because they are a Lover. I'll just admit I'm an Other and applaud their bravery.