Single Girl Rant: Feeling Hopeless That You Will Never Find "the One"? Ladies, You Are Not Alone.

Single Girl Rant: Feeling hopeless that you will never find "the one"? Ladies, you are not alone.

Before anyone takes the initiative to chew my head off, I am aware that there is no such thing as "the one". When I refer to the one, I am speaking of an individual(s) that you have a special connection with from multiple aspects, with the intention of building a long lasting relationship.

I have dealt with a low self-esteem for years and this deterred me from feeling confident in myself to regularly be social. I thought I would never find a boyfriend or have sex.

I was asked out by a few guys in my highschool and signed up for dating apps here and there throughout the years to connect with people, considering I am not the most social individual.

Let me start by saying that I have high expectations for a relationship. I rejected those guys and preferred to maintain a friendship with them, since they seemed like decent people to begin with. What was missing was that overall attraction from an emotional and physical standpoint.

I am aware that I am not a 9 out of 10 or considered beautiful by any means, but I believe I am entitled to have standards. And, I am picky. If I do not feel something, why pursue the relationship and waste our time?

I am in my early twenties and recently entered my first relationship, which was sadly short lived. The relationship ended mutually and we decided to maintain a friendship. Back to square one.

I am not composing this myTake to come across as bitter, even though that is how I feel at times. From this experience, I have learnt to stop placing emphasis on my worth being dependent on my relationship status. This gave me the motivation to love myself and embrace my quirks.

I am overcoming the low self-esteem and taking the time to fix myself before I can make it work with someone else. I am not religious and know this time period can be tough for you ladies, if you are in this stage. This is a phase applicable to all ages.

I am human. I get envious when I see other women in what seems to be happy relationship on social media, finding their soulmate and landing their dream job. I wish nothing but the best for these individuals and hate to come across as infantile with that statement.

I feel stuck. I do nor know what to do. And as negative as it sounds, I feel like I will never find the guy that will make my heart flutter. It seems difficult to form friendships with where I am in life, working full-time and attending college full-time as an online student.

My parents divorced when I was younger and the amount of relationships I have seen dwindle before my eyes can be discouraging. I cannot help but want to expect the worst in these types of predicaments.


Relationships are a gamble, life as a whole is. I have tried online dating and I generally end up feeling discouraged a majority of the time. I hate how others presume this is due to my selectiveness, as I am aware that I need to be realistic in my search for the right guy.

And regardless of the encouraging words revolving around the struggle, they all seem cliche. Most of the individuals that believe I will find this special person are mostly single or are in what seems to be a miserable relationship. I refuse to settle for someone that makes me feel mediocre. Meeting people in person is discouraging too. I do not know many people and it is difficult to approach an individual or show interest in someone to potentially be pursued.

I know I am in my early twenties. I know I have time to find the right guy. However, nothing in life is guaranteed and I have to realize that it may not go as planned. What in life generally does?

I know I am not alone in this. Loneliness stinks. Companionship is wonderful. Whether you are in your twenties, high school or even at a later stage in your life, all we can have is hope. All we can do is try and put ourselves out there, time and time again.

There is no timeline. The process might be discouraging. May fate be on your side!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • From reading this all I got was that you seem to be super picky in terms of what you want in a partner. I find this to be very true in the cases of a lot of women. Generally women now days are just to picky and won't date a guy unless they feel like they are dating up and even then they keep looking. I think a lot of it has to do with women constantly being told that they are smart, beautiful, independent all the time. Sure it is nice to build someone up to give them confidence but I feel like most modern women have over inflated egos. They think they are the king shit and then some. But they aren't. So they are left thinking why can't I get a guy, where are all the good guys. When the reason is because you think to highly of yourself, there is good guys you just deemed them all unworthy of you since you are holding out for the tall, dark, handsome, rich, buff, famous, romantic man who only exists in fiction and your fantasies. When there are actually normal good guys wanting to get to know you but you don't give the time of day. This of couse is your choice and if that is what you want then who am I to say otherwise. But if you're going to complain about being in this situation that you put yourself in; I'm not going to feel bad for you. Give the weird guy who looks normal a chance. The problem here isn't all the guys around you but actually you. Chance how you see yourself and potential partners and you will have a better chance at love.

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    • @Asker Listen to this guy or very quickly you'll wake up 30 yo and find yourself even more unhappy and less eligible. Best of luck to you!!

    • @Wally48 I’ll keep that in mind geez 😳

    • There's a lot of truth here. I think there's a lot of compliment exaggerating with people in general because it feels great. Also the dynamic of men culturally being the ones having to ask girls out (especially online) sets up a huge boost in ego for girls in general. I think it gives women a huge feeling of value. The thing is though, like all women are getting the attention and because of that I can see them thinking they'll wait around for the perfect person. In reality though, there only so many guys.

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What Guys Said 27

  • I wouldn't hope for anything. Or simply I've learned to never get my hopes up for anything. The more you hope the more disappointments and miseries it would result in when your expectations do not happen in reality or just isn't met, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS. I did learn this the hard way a few times to related to things I've became obsessed with like a franchise for a video game or a movie, etc. when things turned out to be complete fucking disappointments to me, but I bet it would be even much worse when it comes to relationships, dating, etc.

    I realized that the only thing that matters is you figure how to enjoy you life here while you are here and while you still can. Life is much shorter than most of us expect or think, it can be over just like that, completely and unexpected, light's out, game over. You can never be absolutely certain everything will be just fine, because in this world, EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING CAN GO WRONG UNEXPECTEDLY AT ANY TIME!!

    My point is we all have very little control over what the outcome of reality will be, and what our futures will turn out to be, but do expect and be aware of and prepared for the worst outcome. Just go with the flow and see how it all goes. Don't focus too much on it or become depressed and completely obsessed and worried about it constantly all the time, as I said, we only have so much control over what happens, and we can never know for certain when our time in this world is up.

    And in this case, I'd say it's best to be prepared to be single indefinitely for life just in case because you can never know for certain, although that does not necessarily mean you have to live in complete isolation or anything. You can always get some pets as companion. Yea, that will do for starters. May not work out for everyone though.

    Do what you can to become prepared for the worst, in case if it ever happens.

    @Unit1 ? @lumberman53thesecond? @serious? @menina?

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    • When people say "the one" I always think of him.

      www.sbs.com.au/.../ks.jpg

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    • Exactly! This is what I'm talking about. This is exactly why I posted this picture as well.

      They are both unreal. Or if they are real, they may or may not be short lived. But I don't like to be pessimistic but I'm just speculating reality as it is.

    • @Unit1 You know me, in general I am pessimistic. But that's also why I say don't bother stressing it since we only get to live once, just make the most out of it and have as much fun as you can, because only one thing is certain, we won't get a second time around, this life and experience in this world or this kind of a "reality", is a limited time offer, won't stick around forever, and obviously we didn't accept this limited time offer to begin with it was just thrown at us, and thus we're here and part of this kind of a world or "reality" now.

  • Lol, I plan on being single for life...

    But since I'm a male, I have a few advantages in this lifestyle choice

    1) Get a pet

    2) make some cash

    3) Raise a kid through surrogacy/adoption

    4) bang my FWB's everytime

    5) do some charity

    6) take care of my aged parents

    And i'm Happy for life...😊

    Unfortunately, since you're a girl and most girls love being in relationships than being single, including you, here's the problem :

    1) your chances of finding good quality mates reduces exponentially after you reach your thirties (because of deteriorating looks)

    2) your fertility rate decreases as you age more

    3) society will look at you as a loser or a queer, even if you have a well paying job

    4) if you try your luck with younger men, the relationship will never be permanent and if you try older ones, they'll all be married or dating younger women using their hard earned cash... this is a classic catch 22

    5) if you STILL have high standards then, good luck cuz most women who do will generally start complaining about "where have all the good men have gone?" and end up with some cats for some company that will eat her up once she dies in her apartment

    Either change your standards which will change your status from "single" to "in a relationship" or just be happy with being single and stop complaining about it without acknowledging your own shortcomings, which people can now see that they're plenty

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  • "I feel stuck. I do nor know what to do. And as negative as it sounds, I feel like I will never find the guy that will make my heart flutter."

    That fluttering heart girls get comes from:
    1. a guy that has experience hooking up and charming girls
    2. a guy out of your league.

    The vast majority of men and women won't make your heart flutter when you meet them. Things take time.

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  • "I am human. I get envious when I see other women in what seems to be happy relationship on social media, finding their soulmate and landing their dream job."
    Don't be envious, make that a goal.
    Never be jealous of someone, make it your goal to be better, look up to them and learn from their success to fuel your own. (doesn't apply to people who cheated to get their goal)

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    • Great advice. Developing skills like that is learned behavior. Practice. Repetition.

  • I am trying to make it as simple as I can,
    but if you want gold, then should have capability or credibility to buy it. If you want some handsome Doc with good features then you must bring something to the table too.
    I am not discrediting you but physical attraction is not everything and not the end of world. You can have other good G. F traits like loyalty and integrity, education, good career and no shit attitude.
    Average in everything + Picky is very very deadly combination for dating.

    The type of guys you are targeting will date girls like them (9 or 10) not 8 or 7. I mean you are calling yourself 8 means you are below it.

    You problem is lack of maturity cuz I don't think you are mature enough to know, how world works in dating field. You are still leaving in fairy tale world where world prays you but its reality and 21st century.
    Wake up and date your own kind !

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    • Note to self, date below what I’d want from a partner because I’m not worth any better. Got it 🤔

    • No I would never recommend this cuz below 7 is Ass and boob guys, just give the guy something to grab too.

  • Same feeling, different sex.

    I am ambivalent towards alphas (+confidence, charisma -ego, being a player) but I wonder how many girls I'm interested in just swoon over them, leaving me feeling... invisible.

    I want to share my life with someone I can emotionally connect with, but sometimes I get caught up in the whole 'girlfriend' thing and forget a good friendship would suffice

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    • Is it me or do they seem to gravitate toward the douche bags?

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    • @Wally48 I realize that, I just don't know why anyone would be attracted to them

    • @villageidiot because self esteem is attractive. And they are not phased by potential rejection when laying on the charm

  • "Let me start by saying that I have high expectations for a relationship. I rejected those guys and preferred to maintain a friendship with them, since they seemed like decent people to begin with. What was missing was that overall attraction from an emotional and physical standpoint.

    I am aware that I am not a 9 out of 10 or considered beautiful by any means, but I believe I am entitled to have standards. And, I am picky. If I do not feel something, why pursue the relationship and waste our time?"

    And here is exactly why women ask "Where are all the good men?". They are standing in their own way.
    Sure, have your standards. It doesn't bother me. Watch how your results will come out just like you have described it: 0.
    But then again, the bigger question is: Are these types of women worthy of a good man to begin with? And can you live up to your own standards?

    "I do nor know what to do. And as negative as it sounds, I feel like I will never find the guy that will make my heart flutter. It seems difficult to form friendships with where I am in life, working full-time and attending college full-time as an online student."

    I am in the same situation here. I'm a full time worker AND full time student too! And it sucks. Deepdown I do wish for a really nice woman by my side, who I can cuddle with every day.
    But if I don't then to hell with it because that's fine too. It's not the end of the world. Being single is inevitable at certain intervals in life and is most likely a type of norm.

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    • So, you are insinuating that I am the problem behind my single status? That I have an elevated opinion of myself and need to get over it. It is my ego that is preventing me from meeting a decent guy because my standards are too high? Okay.

    • Well, in a way, I would say Ja. Just not with those exact words. After all it is your choice who you date.

      I mean if you just think about it, what makes the men so undateable for you? I know you mentioned emotional/physical connection but "love" can be more or something different than that. I believe it's different for everyone. In fact many break up or even cheat as soon as the infatuation stage ends.

  • If you'd like to know. I am in a slightly similar situation, when it comes to finding the right one for me. I have no crush to this date since elementary, and no girls so far have come as attractive by my standards in my real world. However, I decided that perhaps the right one will come someday. I currently venture forth through social situations (such as MMORPG and communities, not dating websites) in the internet world. One day, I will be ready for her... whoever she might be. :)

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    • They think they will be beautiful forever and they lose their looks much sooner than men. If they understood this would they be any different.

    • @villageidiot It doesn't help that they abuse the shit out of their skin, they make it happen a lot sooner than it would naturally because they clog their pores with toxic make-up that only makes them look like a prostitute anyway. Sad.

    • And by the time they're 30 they've pretty much alienated all the decent guys and have then been thrown out in the trash by the jerks they're so attracted too.

  • Try being a single guy. Then the single ladies will realize that their challenge isn't that difficult.

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  • Lol women are worried about finding the one. Guys are worried about find just one.

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  • Hmmm... a LOT of rambling. Did I miss it, or did you state what is is that you bring to a relationship that would be considered high value? Cuz a high-value guy will expect it.
    Is your focus on yourself? Or what you would do for the right prospect?

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  • Well... I mean I know older women in your shoes who are scrambling to find someone... anyone... to be honest. So I'm glad you are making some changes!

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  • Some girls can't get a man because they're too slow to realize when a guy is hitting on them. So many women don't realize they were asked out on a date dozens of times.

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  • You're the only thing that stands in you're own way to you're own success... Being selective with expectations is designing someone to be like you , which means you're not alowing someone else to be themselfs towards you.

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  • " Relationships are a gamble, life as a whole is " Absolutely agree , I'm a FT working single dad , my last marriage was a losing gamble !! You are quite right to maintain your standards , and being a 20 something female , take comfort in the thought that you are in THE most desired demographic , you are guaranteed to have interest from the opposite gender ... spare a thought for your male counterparts , it is quite the reverse !! Better to work on yourself first and forget dating for a bit , otherwise the low self esteem will sabotage any decent future relationships.

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  • There is definitely such a thing as "the one." It's possible. But your "the one" has to magically like you back too.

    THAT is what usually does not happen.

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  • Imagine yourself as the oposite gender. That's the kind of partner you deserve.

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  • Some ladies are destined to be alone forever so this myTake is giving them false hope

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  • I can understand how you feel as, I am frustrated with being single too. I'm single for a different reason however and it's that, I'm ugly and no girl will lower her standards for me 😔

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What Girls Said 4

  • Dating is more safe than having kids. Ladies grow up. Let's not give more birth to die.

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    • I don't really think dating is safe. So many things could happen.
      The List of Bad Stuff
      - He/she could drug you
      He/she could rape you
      HE COULD LIVE WITH HIS MOM

    • @LuckyQuacker lol, true but dating also mean temporary lover to hangouts with. So, short enjoyment could not be long term disaster or start with marriage that never be divorced.

  • Good luck to you :)

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  • I've never had that feeling.

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    • Be grateful

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    • Well, you are twenty four and older than me. I wish the feeling did not present itself so soon in life.

  • At least you have had a relationship, I never get that far :(

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